Problem

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Xihix, Sep 13, 2006.

  1. Xihix

    Xihix New Member

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    Hi.
    I am thirteen now, and so, I joined this message board. I have been looking around here for a year now, and now that I am old enough to come here... Well, I'm here.
    Anyways, there is this girl I have liked since 4th grade. It's weird... Since the first time I looked at her, I just always liked her. But, of course, I couldn't do anything. She's the top person in the popular clique, while I am that fat kid who not many would want to be with.
    Since last year, I noticed that even though a lot of my friends would be like "Oooh, that girl is hot" or something like that about any girl, I saw their beauty, yes, but I never saw anything that would want me to be with them forever. Thats when I relized I was screwed.
    See, her having her status and me having mine, I have pretty much no way of ever being with her. I don't know why, but her friends just don't like me much, and this is how it turned out. The thing is... I don't think I could actually love someone ever the same way I love her.
    I see relationships in my school where they last for about 1 week to about a month, usually because they get bored of eachother or want to be with "another hot girl." But... I have never been with anyone, and that girl is the one I want to be with forever. But... Like I said, I fear it will never happen.
    Why shouldn't I ask? Well, as the fat kid, and her status of the most popular girl makes me think that even if I do ask her out and she says no, she the news will go everywhere and I will be humilated (sp?) everywhere. No, I do not go into any sports. I like sports, I just don't have the ability to play many.
    I am about 145 lb. at almost 5' 1".
    She is a beautiful girl. I know that no two people in this world are exactly alike, which makes me scared that if I don't get her soon, I might not love someone again. Yes, I am young and still have a lot of life left in me, but if I do ever get married or something with someone, I will never be happy. She is the one I want.
    I have tried to lose weight. I've only gained about 15 pounds these 3 and a half years, which I don't think is too bad. I just try not to gain more, and I also try to lose it as much as I can. But it's just not that easy...
    I don't stare at her every chance I get... I just look at her if I see her right then or I might glance at her when I can in any class I might have with her. I don't want to stare at her to make her think I'm staring at something else.
    There was this one guy she was with a little while ago. One time, she asked him if he liked her friend, and he said he wasn't sure. I felt so bad at that moment, it was almost as if he was calling her ugly or something, and I just got angry. If I was ever with her, I wouldn't take her for granted any second. I would love her.
    And about her some more... I'm not sure if I was classify it as "hot". I believe that is somewhat discriminating (sp?) against women. All women are beautiful in some way, if it's not the physical way. But I just... I dunno, it doesn't feel like a crush. Crushes come and go... I didn't find girls attractive until like 5th grade or something (I know, a little late, lol), but I just... I dunno, it was a feeling I had never felt for any girl that I started feeling last year. I had known her since 4th grade and really liked her then. I thought it was a crush then, but it's just... Love? I'm not sure.
    No, I don't want to bone or bang anyone. Sex is a passionative thing. The relationship has to be pretty far in before sex can happen, otherwise, it's just not a loving type sex, just a type where you have to brag about after you do it. If I would ever be with her and have sex, she should have to want to. Even then, I would try to convince her out of it, since it's probably not what she would want, just something she would want to do for me to satisfy me or something. But, in my opinion, it's the women that should rule the relationship. Everything that happens must go with her.
    My big brothers have told me that when you get married or with a girl, you eventually get bored and want some "more." Well... the thing is, I don't think I would ever want more. This girl has anything I'd ever want from anyone. I don't think I would ever get bored with her. Her smile, pretty face, beautiful body, her great personality and attitude... It's all I think I'd ever want from a person.
    Oh yes. I don't eat like normal Americans. I don't eat 3 meals a day. I sometimes eat lunch, and I usually have a dinner like rice or something (Not the greacy Asian rice, Persian type) with meat or different types. I'll show pictures later if I find any...
    The problem is I guess I have a slow matabilism or something, because I don't excersize much. Otherwise, I don't eat bad, really. I might eat a McDonalds or some fast food place everyone few months if there is nothing to eat. I gained a lot of my weight in second grade when I broke my legs and I didn't get to move around much, and ate. I think thats around when I started to lack the excersize I used to have. I guess thats when I made my biggest life mistake.
     
  2. wrx19

    wrx19 New Member

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    You're 13. Chill out.
     
  3. SeeVinceRun

    SeeVinceRun Currently In Prison OT Supporter

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    Sounds like you need to make yourself into what you want to be. Its not hard. Work out, eat well, learn to be more confident.

    Relax man, youre only 13. it gets easier and you will realize that the stuff you are sweating over right now really isnt going to matter much when your 23.

    Oh, and if this is your first "love" dont let it make you nuts. First loves tend to do that. it sounds like you're about halfway there, too.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Since last year, I noticed that even though a lot of my friends would be like "Oooh, that girl is hot" or something like that about any girl, I saw their beauty, yes, but I never saw anything that would want me to be with them forever. Thats when I relized I was screwed.

    You're overreacting, and looking way too deeply into things.

    There was this one guy she was with a little while ago. One time, she asked him if he liked her friend, and he said he wasn't sure. I felt so bad at that moment, it was almost as if he was calling her ugly or something, and I just got angry. If I was ever with her, I wouldn't take her for granted any second. I would love her.

    You wouldn't "love" her. You're 13, you don't know what love is. I'm 22, and I don't know what it is.
    Sex is a passionative thing. The relationship has to be pretty far in before sex can happen, otherwise, it's just not a loving type sex, just a type where you have to brag about after you do it. If I would ever be with her and have sex, she should have to want to. Well... the thing is, I don't think I would ever want more.

    Why are you even talking about sex like you know anything about it? You're 13! Even if you have had sex , I doubt you have any experience of having sex within a meaningful relationship?

    This girl has anything I'd ever want from anyone. I don't think I would ever get bored with her. Her smile, pretty face, beautiful body, her great personality and attitude... It's all I think I'd ever want from a person.

    You don't know this. It happens to just about everyone given enough time.

    Plain and simple kid, you have a crush on this girl. It's completely normal, and nothing to be ashamed of. It's not love. You're overreacting/reading way too much into this. You should be out trying to have fun and just hanging out with girls, not worrying about sex or if you could ever stay with a girl.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2006
  5. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    You have a few growth spurts and broken hearts to go through still, so don't be to hard on yourself. I don't want to demean you or make it seem like your thoughts aren't serious thoughts, but at 13 you shouldn't be obsessing to much over a girl or how tall you are. Work out, eat right, have fun and enjoy growing up.

    Oh and why you are pudgy and not getting taller is because you don't get enough healthy meals in a day. Eat a breakfast, have a snack, eat a healthy lunch and have dinner. A growing body needs food and fuel to keep going. once you're fueling you body right you will start your metabolism moving. You seem like a smart kid, do your research inthe fitness forum. Get into a sport or a physical activity.

    Also as to the girl. you have a crush. it happens. I had several serious "i would love him forever" crushes at your age. it's normal, but know you will get over it and move on to someone accesable that you can communcate with and actually treat as a person and not a distant object of affection.

    So, basically, get out of your funk.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2006
  6. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    I don't want to come across as disrespecting you because of your age, but everyone is right when they say that you're 13. You have a lot to learn, and a lot to experience. From everything that I've read, you haven't actually been going out with this girl, and from what I've read (correct me if I'm mistaken) you don't hang out with her a lot. You may not have much in common at all, and you could go out with her to find out that your ideas of her were overinflated and illogical scenarios that were brought on by a crush. It's what it seems like you have for this girl, a simple crush. I'm only 18, and I was the same way when you were 13. There was one girl that I had a crush on and I figured I was head over heels in love. After a while, that went away. It may for you, it may not. Whatever you choose to do, listen to the people on this forum. They're experienced and (most of them) are very intelligent people.

    Getting away from that, what you have been told here about losing weight is pretty much true. The best advice I can give you if you want to lose weight is actually to eat more. Sounds crazy, right? It's true. I'm currently enrolled in a military school eating 3 square meals a day, which is more than I ate at home. I'm also consistantly snacking throughout the day, typically on cereal bars, energy bars, breakfast bars.. simple snack foods that I can shove in my school bag. I ate CONSTANTLY and have a regulated physical fitness routine every week. I've been here for three weeks so far and have already lost eight pounds while building muscle.

    Eat to lose weight: Eating increases your metabolism. The more you eat, the more your body has to work to break down foods, and the more foods you break down.
    DO NOT AVOID CARBS. Carbs can be good, especially carbs that come from glucose. Eat your fruits and vegetables, several servings a day! A serving, so you know, is about the size your fist. Ball your fist, there is a serving. Try to avoid complex carbs like pastas and breads, although whole-grain breads are very healthy for you.
    Try to eat as many lean meats as possible. Lean meats include meats like turkey, chicken, and beef. Don't go for the pork, it's only delicious because it's not as healthy as the others. Lean meats are one of the best things you can put into your body. Low fat, high protien is good for building muscle and giving you long term energy. If your parents have access to it, ask them for salmon. Salmon is one of the meats with the highest protien, lowest fats, and quite frankly, it's delicious.
    DRINK WATER! Stay hydrated! I can't put enough emphasis on how completely necessary it is for you to drink water to keep your body working well. Water helps your body do EVERYTHING! If you drink soda, count how many cans you drink a day. Cut one can away every day, and you can lose up to 25 pounds because you'll be hungrier (you don't have empty calories filling you up, so you should eat healthy!) and eating properly. Plus you don't have to deal with all the complex sugars that are difficult for your body to process.

    Working out: If you know what supersetting is, try to use it. Work out opposite muscle groups, for example: arms & chest, or arms & back. Go from a bench press to a butterfly or similiar exercise, assuming you have the means. If you don't, do as many pushups as you can in the morning when you wake up, and at night before you go to bed. Also, try doing situps in the morning and before you go to bed.
    Now, the hard part: Running. I'm in pretty good shape in my opinion, but running is definitely something I do not want to do. Oh well, do it anyway! Just huff it out for half an hour every day, that's all you need to do. Make sure to breathe, and never walk! If you walk, your body stops breaking down lactic acid (which is what causes your muscles to hurt) and then it becomes harder to start running again. Also, it's been medically proven that within the first 15-20 minutes of running, your body burns low amounts of fat and high amounts of carbs. During the final 10-15 minutes of running, your body is burning close to 90% FAT and 10% carbs. Running 30 minutes a day will do wonders for your body. If you get too tired to actually run, go as slow as you want, but DON'T WALK! Tilt your head back and breathe like a crazy mother fker, but keep your legs going and keep a bounce in your step. It's better than walking.

    If you can, invest yourself into sports. Sports are wonderful ways of letting out aggression, getting a fantastic workout, and especially good at building your confidence.

    I'm a pretty big fitness buff, and I would consider myself a kind and approachable person. If you want to talk to me about anything I've said so far, post a paw (ask in the forum) or send me a message. Oh, and as with anything: diet with regulation. If you go cold-turkey off of anything you're dooming yourself to failure from the start. If there are some days where you want to eat greasy foods, go for it, just don't let it dominate your life.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2006
  7. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    :bowdown: good advice. Kid, listen to this guy.
     
  8. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    Why, thank you! :big grin:
     
  9. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Oh boy, it's like I'm looking in the mirror.

    Here, I'll sum up the problem you have in one sentence: You're looking for your soulmate.

    I don't blame you. That's what most of us are taught by movies and books and, well, women themselves - the idea of "true love" and "The One" and all that crap. Guys like you and me, who aren't that hung up on sex just for the sake of it, end up not learning anything about women and falling behind on the subject precisely because we don't go after them constantly; we don't have that drive. So instead of looking for cheap flings, we keep looking for our soulmates, and for some strange reason (not really strange at all if we only knew why), it just gets worse with time.

    Now I'm 25, almost 26 (which, just in case English is your strong point, is TWICE your age... God, I'm OLD) and for my whole life I expected to find "that special something." I'm here to tell you now I completely wasted my time and, worse, a ton of chances for happiness, cause what I was looking for doesn't exist. Unicorns and fairies. If you don't grow out of believing in that stuff, then there's no hope for you.

    That's not to say you won't get to experience the feelings you long for. In fact, if you screw up with one that you were so sure was "The One," you don't need to commit suicide and your life is not over. There are lots of other "The One"s. Really. That is the scary secret truth of the whole thing, which is actually the best news you could ever ask for.

    No matter how superamazing you think some girl is, there are a lot, I mean A LOT of others out there who are just as cool, or cooler. It only seems like there aren't because you have a really really small group to compare to. Think about how many people live in your hometown... your state... your country. If you can find one superamazing person in your school of a few hundred, just imagine how many more are out in the world. Believe it or not, you are not so lucky that you just happened to get born and go to school with the most perfect girl on the planet. So don't go getting hung up over one person, whatever you do. You WILL find others as long as you don't give up looking. You just haven't met them yet. (YET!)

    The serious practical love advice is not going to be useful to you right now, cause even the girls don't have a clue yet at 13, and they're not the least bit worth getting serious with. But remember the name "Doc Love" if you can, and go find him sometime around your sophomore year in high school. If you listen to that man and understand where he's coming from, you'll be MILES ahead of the game.



    On the other hand, let me just give you a peek at what you're in for if you don't adjust your thinking. You will pine and obsess and dream about one girl all year and either never make a move, or if you do go for it she will reject you and you'll be totally crushed and want to die. And you'll have wasted a year of your life. Eventually you'll start to feel better, and then there will be some other girl you never noticed before, and you'll fall in love with her from afar... rinse, repeat, another year gone.

    Then, one far-off day, you wake up and realize you're 20 and you've never had a date, much less a girlfriend.

    And maybe, suddenly, some girl appears from out of nowhere and is actually in love with you. You'll think all the waiting finally paid off. You'll hold her and love her and only be sweet and kind to her. You'll want to marry her and live happily for ever and ever. Then when she gets stable and screws her head on straight, and finally starts growing as a person, she finds out she can do better and drops you like a bad habit. And you feel pain a hundred times worse than any pain you've ever experienced. And another fat chunk of your life that you'll never get back will be gone.

    Don't let it go down that way, man. It's no fun at all.

    .
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2006
  10. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    Amazing...it's a vag thread with really good advice all around and almost most flaming...Xihix, if you're really 13, consider yourself not only welcome but very lucky.

    As I posted, I have doubts that you are really 13. Let's say you are, I would say you have an incredible self-awareness and are articulate beyond your years. Perhaps you can take comfort in the thought that in some ways, you are an early bloomer and in others a late bloomer. The curse of teenage years is that they are growth years where everything is out of sync. You just have to endure until equilibrium evens everything out.

    In the mean time, you're going to have intense feelings. They're new and you're just a hormone machine because you've not only got a lot of growing to do, but also emotional maturing and puberty. With being 'doped' up like that, it's hard to keep perspective about what is an obsession, what is real and what is chemicals gone wild. Truthfully, you're just learning about what you want in a spouse. It's been my observation that at your age, teenagers tend to project the qualities they are seeking onto the person they wish to have them, whether that person actually possesses those qualities or not. So you have to try to develop your rational evaluation skills over your emotional ones. Separate out what you have physical evidence of, versus what your emotions wish were there.

    I have to echo what has already been posted here. Evaluate, observe, identify the kind of person you want to be. It sounds like you're already on that road and as long as you don't continue to put yourself down, you've got a lot going for you. You need to keep in mind that in being self-aware, you may not appeal to the girl you like for some years....she may have no idea what to do with you. You have to give HER time to develop an appreciation for a guy like you. BELIEVE me, it's a rare thing to find in a guy.

    I hear twinges that you're putting yourself down because of your weight. I would encourage you to develop a distinction between putting yourself down because so many in society teach us that it's good to self-deprecate (yes, you may need to go look up that word) and rationally identifying your shortcomings. The former eats away at our self-esteem and is very toxic to good self image. The second is far more productive, providing concrete targets for improvement. The complementary part of identifying our shortcomings is to identify our strengths and then to identify how to use our strengths to improve our shortcomings. We all have them, no one is perfect. But it's the mature, well-adjusted adult that realizes that they have the power and right to make themselves better.

    When you're able to do that, I bet your girl comes looking for you.

    Last but not least, remember these years don't last forever. Play for the end game. Realize it's going to be a whole new game in college. And then after that it's a whole new game in life. Teenagers tend to take their 'world' way too seriously. Of course, you have nothing to compare it to, so it's hard to not be intense about it. You know what? When you think you just can't bear it? When you think there isn't going to be anything else, re-read these posts and beleive them when they said there is another world out there. You get a second and a third chance. It may be difficult, but learn to chill. If you screw up here, unless it's really really bad (like criminal), chances are you'll be able to compensate and overcome. It might not be easy, but you'll be able to do it. Remember, mistakes are truly your own, they will shape who you are and often, have far more to teach you than getting it right the first time around. Nothing is truly catastrophic, though it will certainly feel like it is on more than one occassion. Beleive that as life gives you more opportunties and you gain more experiences, you'll find that things are not nearly as dire as they seem.

    So in these years, take baby steps, one foot in front of the other to become to person you wish to be. That's your most important job. When you get there, you'll find the person you're supposed to be with.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2006
  11. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    I could write like that at 13. Look at meh now ;)

    This kid is really really lucky. Especially if he goes where I pointed him in a few years. Man do I ever wish I had found such wisdom when I was still a teenager.

    Also just wanted to clap for the bit where you mentioned projecting the qualities you want onto people. Dead on. Even now I sometimes catch myself giving people more credit than they deserve. It's the worst kind of self-defeating habit, the kind that seems positive when you do it.
     
  12. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    Thank you. I went back and re-read your post. I agree with most of it, except the part about cheap flings and giving up hope. I think too many guys think they have to rack up girls like notches in their belt, especially when the little head starts giving orders to the big head. Let's face it, guys with GFs, especially GFs who are confident and comfortable, get WAY more sex than the studs. There seems to be so much pressure to have locker room stats. Yet, I tend to like the lesson taught by Chris Klein in American Pie. Take your time, talk to the girl, get comfortable and she just might jump you first. Because she can do so without being labeled a slut.

    And for everyone out there that is going to flame me for giving advice on how to become the 'friend' guy who always lose the girl, that's not my intent. There is a point where you have to take a chance and make a move. But you must PRACTICE first. Be gentle with yourself and not put so much pressure that every girl you approach, you're going to get a date out of it. Why not practice just trying for a connection? A smile? somesuch like that? Then the next step is to do something that makes HER want to connect with you first the next time you see each other....that's how you learn to develop relationships.

    The second point I disagree with is that there isn't any hope with the girl the poster is admiring now. My hubby's secretary just lost her husband. They had known each other since 6th grade. It's possible. Not often these days. But it's not out of the realm of possibility. However, it is realistic to say the odds are against it. But if he doesn't maintain just a wee bit of hope, if an opportunity to get together does arise, either now or sometime in the future, he's going to miss it and all the prep work he's done will go for naught.

    Of course, it's also likely that he'll realize that while he strove to be the best he could be, when he gets together with his lady lust, he might find that he's completely surpassed her and he's better than she deserves.
     
  13. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    You may have misread my intent. I'm not saying to change into the guy who's always out to score a point. On the contrary I think imitating that guy is a step down and is damaging in some ways.

    But you do have to experience women and be able to figure things out in order to have a chance at keeping the one you want around.
     
  14. iceburgslim

    iceburgslim Guest

    Stop trying to keep up with the other messed up 13 year olds that are having sex. At the age of 13 I barely knew what it was. Enjoy what is left of your childhood. Having sex at that young of an age screws up your social/emotional development. Play your video games or whatever it is you kids do these days (besides sex!) and start saving for your first car. :cool:
    Also read the book "How to win people and make friends" (I think that is what it's called). Reading it and practicing what it teaches will prove to be a great benefit going through high school.
     
  15. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Take the next 6 or so years to work on yourself. Get your life together, figure out what you want, etc. You'll be WAY ahead of the pack when you go to college and you will be extremely attractive to women.
     
  16. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    hunnybunches, you're just a baby still. don't get so bent out of shape about one girl. she might be the first, but she won't be the last.

    if you're worried about your appearance, then do something about it. work out and eat right, but have confidence in yourself the whole time. nothing is sexier than confidence (just don't be cocky).

    you seem like a nice guy. personality matters more to me than anything else. you could be the hottest guy on the planet, but if you're an asshole, you can hit the road. for now, focus on putting forth your best attributes. whether it be that you really are a nice guy, or that you're funny, or you're helpful... whatever. show people that there's more to you than just an insecure kid.

    trust me, things will get easier for you as you get older. you're much too young right now to be worried about girls. and yes, you'll catch me saying that age doesn't really matter, but you're still very young and you've got plenty of dating years ahead of you to be so worried about it all now.

    but by all means, don't think of yourself as unattactive or unworthy. that just projects a bad outward attitude and most girls don't like that. don't change the good person that you are in order to make a catch. in the long run, you'll regret not being who you really are. if a girl doesn't think you're good enough for her, don't take it to heart. take a few clues from her immaturity and work with it. then you'll learn for the next girl that comes along :)
     
  17. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You will be completely different at 18 or 21 than you are at 13. Trust us.

    When I was 13 I went through the same thing as you, except I was the really skinny kid.

    Trust me, your life kind of begins again when you get to college. All the stuff that seems important in middle school and high school disappears the day you move into your dorm.

    Speaking of college, judging from your post, you're a descriptive writer for a 13 year old. Have you considered journalism?
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    i'm gonna definitely give you props for your writing skills. If you enjoy doing it, I'd strongly advise you to start getting involved in writing based activities now...the earlier you start, the more time you would have to enjoy it and make yourself even better at it. Not to mention practical benefits it could have in the long run, such as scholarships and the like.
     
  19. Xihix

    Xihix New Member

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    Yes, I know I'm young. I have been told by many, also, that there will be many. But, I really don't know... I feel a little weird when people tell me that I can't love because I'm young, though. I'm not sure really...

    Also, thanks for the comments on my writing. Is it really that good? I didn't notice, I just wrote what I thought and stuff... Where did I do good? Heh...
     
  20. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    I know it feels weird when people tell you that you are too young to love, and I've been in the same situation you are. It's true, though. You are a pretty good writer, and if you just wrote what you thought you are certainly an advanced thinker!
     
  21. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    its not that you can't love this young... its just that your views on love will almost definitely change with age.

    and what you like now won't be the same as when you're older... even a few years older.

    i wouldn't concentrate on growing up too soon. i lost my viginity at 14... regretted it ever since. made me too dependable on guys in my life. i felt that i always needed to have a boyfriend to be happy, even if i wasn't happy in my relationship.
     
  22. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    and i also have to say that while those guys meant a lot to me, i definitely didn't know what i wanted at the time, even though i thought i did.

    i'm in love now and i can say that this love is not the same as that love was :hs:
     
  23. JJM Enterprises

    JJM Enterprises New Member

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    Excellent advice all around here.

    If you don't like your weight or body style - talk walks, then progress into jogging, and eventually into running. If you naturally advance into it, I guarantee you will also get better at sports as you go, which will only help more.

    You are young, but - MAYBE this is the girl for you. Do you ever talk to her as a friend? You might find out that after talking to her, she really ISN'T the type of person you want forever. Or, talking to her might show her what a great person you really are.

    Whatever the case - start getting in shape now - so that in your HS years you can have a blast!
     
  24. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    I don't think it's so much that you can't love as much as you've still got other parts of yourself to develop to temper the other emotion. Those of us who are older know what it's like to be in your position and we have garnered additional perspective. A common thread through other people's experience is that we make different choices and we feel different things later. That doesn't mean that you can't love, it means that you'll feel more complex things later.

    It's your tone, your sentence structure, your organization. Don't think or analyze too much about it, you'll lose it. Just say thank you and go with it.
     

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