SRS problem.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by procrastinator, May 15, 2005.

  1. procrastinator

    procrastinator New Member

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    I have a little problem that I really dont know how to deal with. Basically if I ever meet anyone new, male or female, although its generally worse with female, I am pretty much intensely afraid.

    I lose the ability to make coherent conversation, I fidget, I stop responding to any verbal or body language, I pretty much hide inside my own head and leave a vacant body standing.

    This even happens with people I know and love. I just cant seem to deal with them sometimes. Its really bad at work, because it makes it almost impossible to get to know anyone between being scared shitless and trying to concentrate on my work. Im fine when no one is in the vicinity, but as soon as I see someone my brain just turns into a useless turd and I crap myself.

    Any advice greatly appreciated.
     
  2. wik

    wik New Member

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    that sounds like social anxiety.
    dont worry its treatable with therapy and medication, so get an appointment with your doc.
     
  3. procrastinator

    procrastinator New Member

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    Already been through therapy. Psychologist told me I probably didnt have social anxiety. She thought it was depression. Which I guess I do have, but its mostly from not being able to deal with people.

    Spose they cant be right all the time.
     
  4. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :rolleyes: it's sooo freaking annoying when EVERYONE and their mom wants to solve some sort of problem with drugs. :rant2: i'm a psych major, and i think as a whole we're overdosing. now, don't get me wrong... i'm not saying that drugs as a whole are bad, i just think they're being used as the universal solution. /rant :o

    anyways... since you KNOW your issues, have you ever thought of solving the problem on your own? if you know you have a hard time communicating with others, put yourself in situations in which you will have to communicate with others you do not know. i'm sure there are classes (ie speech) at a nearby university or community college that you can take. venture out to your local bookstore and look for books on self-esteem and communication.

    my number one advice tho? ;) DON'T be afraid of what people think about you. get to know yourself! i'd be willing to bet that you're scared of talking because you want others to like you. DON'T SWEAT IT! :rofl: once you come to the realization that there's always going to be someone out there that thinks you're weird, thinks you smell :)ugh: just kidding ;) ), and thinks you're dumb, you can relax.

    good luck! :)
     
  5. procrastinator

    procrastinator New Member

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    That advice is pretty easy to give. Pretty damned hard to put into practise though. Ive always been fairly shy, but it just seems to have reached the point where its making it impossible to socialise. I'm ok on the occasional day, but mostly its just the same old fear shit. I'm also fine if I know what I have to say, or if I have some sort of thing I have to find out. So it doesnt really interfere that much with communication at work, just makes me seem like a robot with no feelings and no sense of anything apart from work. I guess maybe uncertainty's a big problem.

    Thanks for the responces.
     
  6. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :rolleyes: you can't change what you don't acknowledge. you realize you have a problem here, but only you can fix it.

    you make it seem like i'm saying "all or nothing." i realize change is hard to do. i'm one of those people in that boat. i hate change, but when you realize it's necessary, don't fight it... embrace it! look inside and get to know yourself.

    again... good luck :) you can overcome this!
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Its like going thru the door of a dentist, its scary but you know you will come out alive. Same counts for those people , you know no matter how terrible possible bad a conversation will go, you will ALWAYS survive it. Even in the worst possible imaginable scenario of a conversation , the chances that you won't survive are not mentionable present. So if you know you are going to survive it, why would you be afraid? Honestly , not everyone but most people aren't out there to intentionally hurt you. Try to be more extravert if you desire so. Just try to look to the floor or sideways in the beginning as if you are busy with something while your chatting with those people. Really, talking is like a dam which you have to open the hatches to let the water flowing, be more freely and try to be in tune with the conversation. Crush your fears, and say to yourself ' they have more reason to be afraid of me , then i of them ' . That really helped for me, i just go and did say what i had to say. You have to be a conversationalist, be entertaining, live into their situations and have a fun time talking humous things, you know talking can actually be very interesting and a good convo lifts up the athmosphere in the room. Start out small, and practise a bit, start out with doing microphone conversations with MSN messenger or something. And then try webcam + michrophone, and if you talk talk talk enough , then people is an easy next step as long as you have material interesting enough to talk about it should be no problem.
     
  8. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Are you depressed because of your social anxiety, or do you have social anxiety because you are depressed?

    Stuff the egg back up the chicken's ass, because Paxil will cure them both. So will Zoloft, right? I would suggest, and so would your pshrink, I would think... that you go on an anti-depressant that addresses social anxiety for a while, and practice your social skills under the tutelage of your pshrink. This would be the quickest way to get over both the depression and the social anxiety...

    Did your psychologist not mention this?
     
  9. procrastinator

    procrastinator New Member

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    My psychologist didnt think I had social anxiety. She felt it was caused by the depression. Im dont really get depressed that much now. Just the odd day when things are going really shitty, but I seem to have been getting progressively worse with people.

    I find it almost impossible to make eye contact most of the time unless its someone I'm really comfortable with, and if people try and talk to me, my brain just seems to seize up and I have nothing to say.
     
  10. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Mmm-kay, but what did she intend to do about the depression?
     
  11. Car

    Car New Member

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    I have social anxiety. The symptoms you describe sound like my old symptoms. I know what you are feeling. I know what you mean about the eye contact thing.

    Nobody understood it when I described it when I was in the midst of it. All I heard was different versions of "be yourself", "relax", or somehow try harder; think differently, whatever.

    I was unable to think my way out of my problem for 40 years. Don't be like me.

    I had depression as a symptom of social anxiety/social phobia, not the other way around. I'm now taking 20mg of Celexa. I also tried Paxil and Wellbutrin before settling on Celexa. Lexapro is closely related to Celexa and is also a good choice, IMHO. The meds have been a godsend to me. I am much, much better. I feel "normal" now [socially], which is all I ever wanted.

    The decision to try medication should be simpler for people. I know you don't feel this way, but some do: It's not as if you are being asked if you want to try heroin or something like that. If the meds don't work for you you get off them [tapering off under a doctor's care].
     
  12. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    God, of COURSE you're a psych major. Listen, do your pep talks usually have life changing effects, or do you think maybe you're projecting your career-goals into this here thing just a little bit? Sorry to be critical... but you can't really e-beat someone into overcoming anxiety, however you go about it. Although sometimes its enjoyable to try...
     
  13. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Good call, champ! Also, if you can afford it and/or have access to it... remain in therapy during your anti-depressant treatment, so you have a "coach" to guide you through your first anxiety free social situations. Its really alot of fun that way!
     
  14. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

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    I would find a different therapist and see if you can get a second opinion because it doesn't sound like you have been having major depressive episodes or that you have major depressive disorder. If you have been experiencing a lack of interest in pleasure or activities over 2 weeks, along with fatigue and imsomnia, then maybe, but you keep mentioning being anxious around people. I know things are easier said than done. The fact you want to do something about the problem is half the battle right there...

    I am not sure what strategies you have employed, but perhaps you could reverse the conversation and ask questions of that person and listen. this will put some pressure off you. This is kind of obvious (not to say anything insulting to you..) but it's just one way to keep from having to do a lot of talking. What exactly makes you afraid of talking to people? Is their physical distance making a difference? You say you do ok in work environments, but perhaps you can apply whatever strategy you use to speak to people on a professional level and use this to use on new people you meet...how do you function at work? :)
     
  15. Nightshade

    Nightshade New Member

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    hehe ...

    a procrastinator with a problem ... big surprise!!

    how about you stop labelling everything, dude!!

    maybe if you did, you might see some progress!!
     
  16. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :rofl: my major has nothing to do with the fact that i dislike drugs and feel that they are used in too many cases rather than the extremes. i hardly ever take medication for anything.

    :dunno: and no, i don't believe i'm projecting here. i believe that anything you set your mind to you can overcome. of course it takes work, and that's why many people don't want to invest the time that it takes.

    personally, i haven't ever experienced anxiety, but i have had a minor case of what i would call depression.

    ;) everyone's entitled to their own opinions, and i know every case is different. i'm not saying that everything can be solved the way that i mentioned, but there's nothing wrong with knowing more about yourself... a lot of people don't. :rofl: there's no "e-beating" involved. it's a self analysis that's done.
     
  17. LiQuiD_FuSioN

    LiQuiD_FuSioN New Member

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    I should try the MSN thing. Not a bad idea.

    As for the "..as you have material interesting enough to talk about.."". That is the problem with me, I have NO idea what to talk about. Where do you go about learning what to talk about, without sounding like a complete putz or mentioning 'how the weather' is? :hsd:
     
  18. Car

    Car New Member

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    I hope you won't take offense, but that's just insulting to the hard, hard work that people with mental illness do every_day_of_their_lives.

    Mental illness is just that--an illness. You can't make but small changes to your other organs through thought control. Why would you think that the brain is any different?

    The stongest people I know are those afflicted.
     
  19. slowbird

    slowbird I am the son, and the heir, of a shyness that is c OT Supporter

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    That's a big problem for me too :hs: I usually only speak when spoken to, and I just try to sound interested in what they're saying or something. Whenever I have an interesting thought, or hear something on the radio and tell someone about it, I try to remember it and tell it to someone later, but I always end up feeling like an idiot :o
     
  20. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You guys have social anxiety disorder. It is not only treatable, it is now curable. I know. I used to have severe social anxiety. Not anymore.

    If you take a drug like Paxil, it will open you up. You will spontaneously interact with strangers, for the simple joy of interacting with another person. SOmething you've probably never done. Its like a great awakening. You practice talking to people, all kinds of people. You begin to enjoy them, because you don't have anxiety. But its scary, because you are in new territory, living a life you've never been able. So you have a therapist there (in my case at the time, a $180 an hour psychiatrist... oh the money I spent) to guide and coach you through your social "blooming."

    I repeat: social anxiety is curable. If you prefer to sit around alone, sad, depressed, etc. then by all means shut the fuck up and stop complaining here. Otherwise, get some help. A cure is available.
     
  21. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Peyomp is a very sociable bastard. If he can do it, so can you.

    In fact, that should be your new mantra. "If Peyomp could do it, so can I, so can I, so can I..."
     
  22. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    WWPD bracelets shall soon be available. "What Would Peyomp Do?"

    Usually, its:

    while(mindstate == indecision)
    . {
    . drink(more, faster)
    . }
     
  23. Laserbeak

    Laserbeak Remember kids! Be like Billy! BEHAVE YOURSELVES!

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    It can be anything, just be open to talk about whatever, as long as it doesn't gross the other person out. You don't have to restrict a conversation to one topic; start with one thing, and just let it flow to other topics.

    It'll come naturally, just don't be afraid. When you get scared, that's when you're going to shoot yourself in the foot.

    And if it's a girl you're talking to, don't go into every conversation with the intent that you want to ask her out or take her home with you. It tends to be a major turn-off.
     
  24. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :rolleyes: you obviously didn't read my entire post...
     
  25. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I read your entire posts, several times. And you guys just don't seem to get it: people with anxiety can't just "try harder." You seem to have bought into the whole "weark vs. strong," version of psychology. Wait a few more classes and semesters, or until you meet some actual crazies before waving around your major.

    This guy needs pills. He needs them now. He needs thepary with them. That is what will cure him fastest, and why in the name of god (I get to invoke god now that I'm in the holy land of India) would you want anything else for him but the most efficacious treatment?

    By the way, I had to look up "efficacious" just to be sure I was using it correctly:

     
    Last edited: May 21, 2005

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