SRS problem with friends and " being single fear"

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by big 1, Oct 8, 2006.

  1. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    Okay this post is about my friends and myself. Me and my girlfriends are in our early-mid 20s. Some of my girlfriends are in serious relaitonships, others are engaged/married.... I am newly single. My girlfrineds have what i call "single-fear", they stay in relationships for fear of being single, or actively seek a new partner for the same reason.

    They dont want to go out to classy places to help me find a new guy, so i took it upon myself to find a nice guy from an internet dating site. Weve been on a few dates, and its been going good so far. Now, i am stil single,the guy is not my boyfriend (yet, who knkows?) .....but here is my rant.

    My non-single friends try to give me advice on how "sorry" they are for me bieng single, that it must be "really depressing" to be on your own. They "sympathize" with my"condition.."

    Im sorry, but if you have a rock on your finger, and:
    1) someone to come home to at nite
    2) are getting laid on a regular basis
    3) you dont necessarily have to work to pay the bills, cus your bf/husband will do it
    4) you have a constant partner to share your life with
    STOP saying you can "sympathize" with the single life. Being single, at times, sucks......but its also not that bad.

    I wish my girlfriends would stop "sympathizing" over lunch, and acutally come out at nite to see a movie or somehting instead of sitting in with their hubby..... (although yes, i am a tidbit jealous....)

    men are important, but they arent my LIFE. i have other things going on too. I just wish my girlfriends could see this the same way.
    what should i do?
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Nothing (at least not towards this aspect) look, you aknowledge and KNOW you have a life of your own. Those friends of yours are just like flies on a cheese and bugging you for the (what they call) smelly situation you are in.

    Being with someone isn't an 'garentee' for a happy life. You are just stronger then your friends, but look it on the bright side, at least they symphatize for your situation instead of leaving you to rot. Yes you don't want their sympathy , because you can take care of your own you have to aknowledge that there isn't a problem on your side, but its a problem on the side of your friends.

    You just have to comfort them by saying that its alright with you, and that you aren't unhappy just yet, and that you will manage to find the right guy for you.

    Not in order to leech, or depend or to get laid or any other earthly materialistic desires. Rather to love and be together with your special person. Although one must activly search and not let their hopes go up to high, its not asif you can live without it.
     
  3. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Yeah....I think your friends intentions are to make you feel better but it's obviously not working. Perhaps you should say something casual about it like STFU :)

    I don't think you should DO anything except understand that you are all at different places in your life. Perhaps you need to find some single friends with which you have something in common. I'm not suggesting that you dump all your other friends but sometimes it's best to look for friends that are in the same situation as you.

    I know so many women that have the fear of being single. I also call it the better-than-nothing syndrome.....this guy is a jerk but he's better than nothing. I've NEVER believed that...but I'm a guy so perhaps it's different. It's too bad because I've never been one to date a woman that's in a relationship already. So eventhough I might actually be a good partner for a particular woman, if she tells me she's in a relationship right now, I'm not interested at all....even if she says it's about to end. I'm not the least bit interested in being a rebound guy. Break it off....deal with your own shit...then move on. Perhaps that's why I'm still single.

    I agree that sometimes being single sucks....sometimes I really hate it. However there are those times when it's truly great. lol...I just thought of one of my married friends, one time at lunch just stopped talking....looked me straight in the eye and said, "So let me get this straight, you get ALL the covers at night??" :) I just laughed and said, "Yeah!! And if I want to buy a new video game or 10, I just do it and I NEVER have to ask for permission!!"
     
  4. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    EXACTLY.....the point of having an SO is not to leech over them, its to BE together, but they look down on me as if theres somehting "wrong" with being single...
     
  5. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    thats exactly right! i need to 'widen" my circle and find other single girlfriends... :)
     
  6. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    I dont know but I'm at school right now and a lot of girls are single and the only thing on their mind is school.. Most of them are also in their early 20s.. I guess it's a time when a lot of people just look what they want to make of themselves, get their carreer established, and don't want to get tied down by anything.

    If anything I think you are doing a right thing and your friends are not..
     
  7. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    i totally know how you feel.
    all the time my sisters and cousins (all taken) are always asking me if i'm lonely being by myself (single). and the answer is yes! i am lonely sometimes, but at the same rate i'm not going to be with somebody just so i can be in the "in" crowd with them.
    i look at their relationships and it's all base on materialistic things (they're always in constant competition to see whose bf bought them the most expensive gifts, did the most romantic thing, etc.) another thing that i see in their relationships is most of their bfs treat them with very little respect. they're such jerks. they're always cussing at each other and yelling and screaming..it's an endless cycle of fights and arguments. i look at their relationships, and you know what?? i'm not all sad that i'm single. i mean..i rather be single; yes, all alone, than be in relationships like their's. i think they're really just in it, like you said, because of their fear of being alone.
    i, on the other hand, have no fear. i'll be alone for as long as it takes until the right guy comes along. i'm not willing to settle. and i won't. i refuse to.
    and so my point is...just hang in there. i'm sure he's out there somewhere. one day you'll meet him, and when you do you'll know. at least that's my hope for myself and for you.
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2006
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    I feel the same way. I mean seriously is it really so good to be in a relationship when all you do is fight?? I don't think so and I've made my choices along those lines. I've always said I'd rather be alone for the right reasons then with someone for the wrong reasons....but there are times, like when I'm extremely lonely, where I really question that statement.

    However, I've been in a relationship where she was seriously the hottest girl I'd ever seen....homecomming queen and all that. All of my friends told me how lucky I was to be dating such a hot woman and I agreed...for awhile. But we were constantly fighting....it was soo crazy sometimes that I actually think I enjoyed some of the fights because making up was fun. Then I just grew tired of it. I never want to go back to that type of relationship because I've had much better since.
     
  9. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    glad to know i'm not alone :wavey:lol
     

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