Post Hilarious Hookup Stories

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by chainsawbarbie, Dec 13, 2008.

  1. chainsawbarbie

    chainsawbarbie New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    486
    Likes Received:
    0
    I will start because I have an excellent one.

    Last night, I ran into my upstairs neighbor at a college party, and we hung out and eventually went back to my room to bang. Little did I know that one of my roommates had hidden a gigantic, black dildo in my bed (I got it as a gag gift, and we've been pranking each other with it all week).

    I eventually found the dildo and started laughing hysterically, and I had a hell of a time explaining it mid-hookup...

    First, he (not sure if he was kidding, but I hope so) tried to use it on me and harass me with it. That was ridiculous.

    Once we finished doing our thing, he ran upstairs (home) with it and threw it at this girl who was hooking up with one of his roommates. She cried.

    To make things worse, I had to run upstairs and physically restrain him to get it back... and now all his roommates and this girl (who I am kind of friends with) think that I use it.

    ....

    He came back over later in the night to hang out, and I cock slapped him a few times with it.

    It was a great way to end the semester :mamoru:
     
  2. RyeLou

    RyeLou OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 12, 2004
    Messages:
    5,065
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Detroit-ish
    I used to date this asian girl who was tiny. 95 lbs 4'11" or so. I'm 6'1" 205. At school she had this tiny twin bed and at the foot of it was this heavy duty clothes hamper for dirty clothes. We were fooling around and as she slid down the bed to give me head she actually fell off the bed and got physically stuck in the hamper. I had to actually get up and pull her out. I laughed, she cried and we both went to bed without finishing anything.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    I was having sex with a FWB and he was a really big, muscular guy. He picked me up like a rag doll and thought screwing me halfway out his 2nd floor open window would be fun....well things got crazy and I started to fall out :rofl:
     
  4. giz

    giz Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2004
    Messages:
    15,634
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    salt lake
    :rofl:

    night I lost my virgiinity was also the first time I had ever gotten drunk. I did a lot of goofy shit, didn't really know how to act. long story short, we went to the university halloween dance party and I got pulled off the dance floor by this giant girl (tall hawaiin, not fat) and taken up to the dorms.

    i obviously didn't carry around condoms at that time, so I improvised. coming in I had spotted an empty fun-size Doritos bag on the ground. once the clothes started to come off I pretended to reach down to my wallet but grabbed the bag instead and placed it on my dick.

    once I started poking around in the dark (didn't know where to put it) she was like "WHAT THE FUCK?!" so I just threw it off and kinda chuckled like I was joking :hsugh:. then I gave her a taste of Cool Ranch before I boned her for 10 seconds.
     
  5. lamour

    lamour New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2008
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    0
    this isnt that great because i wasnt caught, but i def had sex in a sleeping car of a train with five other people in it sleeping at night. the sleeper bed is about half the size of a twin size bed to it took my boyfriend and i a lot of effort to keep it quiet and properly positioned to get it all done, but it was worth it. when you want it you want it.
     
  6. chainsawbarbie

    chainsawbarbie New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    486
    Likes Received:
    0
    :rofl: what the fuck
     
  7. dan7532

    dan7532 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Messages:
    387
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    St. Louis, MO
    .
     
  8. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2004
    Messages:
    8,258
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UC Santa Cruz
    i had just gotten done and the girl i was with tossed me a towel to clean myself up, i had just gotten done wiping down my junk when i feel a crawling feeling and look down to see a giant spider that had jumped off the towel and onto me. i screamed and slapped it off of me smcking myself in the nuts in the process...

    the girl started cracking up and i had to as well.

    probably one of the scariest things to see crawling on your privates.
     
  9. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
    :bowrofl: no way dude
     
  10. The Saggin' Nutz

    The Saggin' Nutz New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2007
    Messages:
    7,274
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Connecticut


    :rofl:
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    was having sex in a classroom when a huge female security guard lumbered in, turned on the light switch. i pulled my fuck buddy down behind a desk and whispered "get down." eventually the guard turned the lights back off and left.

    later, my FWB and I met the security guard's husband in the dining hall on campus and I told him what had happened.

    but i guess i don't have a lot of these. hmmmm.
     
  12. The Saggin' Nutz

    The Saggin' Nutz New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2007
    Messages:
    7,274
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Connecticut
    sadly I do not have any funny or interesting hook up stories..nothing out of the "normal"
     
  13. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,333
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Awestralia
    Ok.

    started having some fun with a girl in a hotel room in paris which was pretty old school with massive floor to ceiling window. ended up with her only wearing a long shirt which could almost pass for a short dress.

    So we were just standing at the window, just kinda hugging and chilling until the next round and then I started to play with her.

    All was good really getting into it until we looked out the window and saw a sleazy old french dude whacking off in his apartment across the street.

    We kept on going though.
     
  14. Bacardi 151

    Bacardi 151 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2004
    Messages:
    10,412
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In your head
    ow :rofl:
     
  15. kramer

    kramer New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2007
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    0
    After ingesting between 8 and 10 beers one night, myself and a FWB went to the only place that we could be alone together to have sex, which happened to be on wooden bleachers in a pseudo "park" surrounded by a jungle gym and sand boxes.

    About 45 minutes in, she starts changing her usual "oh... ohhh... ohhh..." (orgasming) pattern and starts going "OW... OWW... OWW!"

    I figured I was just going too hard, or something :hsugh: so I slowed down. But she kept letting out noises indicating that she was in pain.

    I flip her over from a doggy style position to missionary only to see blood flowing down from her tits all over her stomach.

    After completely losing my erection at the sight of this, and letting out a nice loud WHAT THE FUCK?!, we establish where the blood had come from.

    APPARENTLY, we were so fucked up in the heat of the moment, and I had been fucking her from behind for so long on wooden bleachers that she had gotten dozens and dozens of splinters on the underside of each tit.

    One of the most scarring things I have ever seen.

    Why she didn't feel the pain until 45 minutes in I will never know.
     
  16. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2006
    Messages:
    21,635
    Likes Received:
    0
    :bowrofl:

    Mine is sorta similar, well not really. When the BF and I were first dating, we walked to this park right next to the bar we were at by my house. We were both pretty drunk, and no one was around and decided to have sex on the jungle gym. He was fucking me from behind, and I was leaning against the railing when I slipped and almost fell off :rofl: :embd:
     
  17. bearsdidit

    bearsdidit OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 8, 2004
    Messages:
    32,804
    Likes Received:
    36
    Location:
    Huntington Beach,CA
    After having Thanksgiving with the family I went over to the GFs sister's house to hangout and watch movies. The GF and I were cuddled up on one couch while her two sisters were sleeping on the other... The next thing you know we start fooling around with her sisters not more then 3 feet away from us. When she came, she screamed so loud I thought her sisters were going to wake up, thankfully I was able to cover her mouth up with my hand/pillow. I thought it was insanely hot and thankfully we did not get caught.
     
  18. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    51,366
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    STL, MO/AAR, DK
    :bowdown:
     
  19. prototism

    prototism Guest

    Girl and I seeing a movie. It was clear where things were moving, lets just say. Movie gets out, her and I get in her car, drive to the middle of nowhere, start making out, taking off clothes, etc.

    We are in the middle of stuff in her back seat. Car pulls up behind us, lights on. I instantly know it is a cop. Eventually, cop goes away. We half continue, half stop. She gets dressed.

    Cop comes back. Knocks on window. Turns out the cop is a girl too. She knows exactly what is going on, but is cool about it. My girl says "I took him out here to show him stars ( :hsugh: )". Cop tells us there is no "overnight parking". Tells us where there is some.

    Cop leaves, and we get the fuck out of there.

    :bowrofl:
     
  20. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2006
    Messages:
    21,635
    Likes Received:
    0
    lol, reminds me of the good 'ol college days :rofl: :o
     
  21. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,236
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    I was driving and all of a sudden i hear all this honking and headlights flashing. Im like wtf? and then a car pulls up next to me and its a few of my girlfriends coworkers. I tell my girlfriend who blowing me at the time to stay down and I wave, and they all wave at me...then my gf gets nosy and pops up to see what all the commotion is. The look on everyone involveds face was priceless.
     
  22. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    can't mention any in case i want to run for office one day :big grin:
     
  23. boxen

    boxen New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2006
    Messages:
    10,286
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Santa Barbara, California
    the ex boyfriend and i were having one of those lazy days where all you do is lay around, make naked trips to the kitchen, sleep, fuck and watch TV. towards the late afternoon, we heard his parents come home from work, but didn't think twice about it because they were cool with letting us do whatever we wanted as long as the door was closed. things started heating up, and as we were fooling around i thought it would be funny if he put on my xs black gstring. (he was a muscular linebacker). i was correct, it was hilarious. his junk and balls were hanging out... epic lulz. so we start making out and he starts going down on me, while i'm stark naked on the bed, and he's got his ass in the air wearing my thong. all of a sudden we hear his mom yell "ALEX NOOOOOOOO!" and the door opens, and the ex's cousin is standing there with a look of horror on his face. i was so startled that i jerked suddenly and nailed my ex right in the nose with my vagina bone. :rofl: YES.
     
  24. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,236
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    how old was his cousin?
     
  25. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2007
    Messages:
    5,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Providence, RI

    boxen :rofl:
     

Share This Page