SRS Porn and relationships

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by registeredPORK, Jan 23, 2007.

  1. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    Do you women have a problem with your man watching porn and masturbating while you're away? Say... work, school or some other thing?

    Guys, maybe you can explain why even in a relationship, porn is there?

    So confused...
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    All I have to say if that my bf now doesn't own any porn, doesn't even have it on his computer, he's a strictly "spank bank" man-we've had chats about it. I love this because at least he's not desensitizing everything by watching mass amounts of porn. My last SO has so much porn on his computer it was sickening. Like he literally couldn't masturbate without it. So yes, it would bug me personally if the guy had to have porn.

    But most guys love porn because it's easy and hot, you know?
     
  3. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I know my bf watches porn, and masturbates while doing it. I dont have a problem with it, hell, I do it too :) We've also got a little collection of our homemade stuff that I know he 'uses' too, which I think is cool ;) Like I said, I dont mind, I dont see it as a "replacement" for our time together so.....
    Anyway, is your problem really with the porn or the masturbating or both?
     
  4. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    Yes, having to have porn to get off is QUITE a different story....but I dont think using it when you're not together (I guess I should qualify my story by saying that I'm in an LDR) is a problem...
     
  5. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    I think maybe it's an insecurity issue that I'm having. I feel like maybe I might have to compete with some of these porn bootifuls and such.

    That, and I feel like I won't really have the element of surprise if he's watching porn so much ... especially if I want to use a new toy on him or do something that I think he might enjoy but knows that he has probably seen it done. And I know seeing something done and having it actually performed on is different but you never know...

    Maybe he just likes porn better?
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    First of all, you are NOT competing with porn girls. In fact I've read stats that say almost all men think only of their SO while having sex, whereas women's minds are the one's that can wander to thoughts of a different person. Those girls are not real, he'll never meet them, and he doesn't think of them while you two are on a date, hah.

    You are just having very common insecurity issues on the matter, it's totally normal and understandable even. But the thing is I don't know this guy, but I'm pretty much positive that he definitely prefers you to the porn, he only uses it when you aren't around as it is.

    AND, you should definitely not be worried about trying new things that you think maybe he's seen in the porn, if anything usually guys who watch a lot of porn are more excited in trying new things they've seen in the videos but are maybe too nervous to bring it up because of embarassment.
     
  7. element4all

    element4all Active Member

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    i dont have/watch ####. its degrading to women and causes us to have unreal desires in a women that we would come into contact with.
     
  8. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    Nothing wrong with porn, just as long as he dosn't perfer masturbation to having sex with you.
     
  9. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Nope. I even watch porn and take care of myself when my husband is unavailable.
     
  10. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I used to not care when I lived in NC and the bf & I were 3 hours apart. We both had our own little porn collection, but usually got worked up just by talking to one another, and would take care of ourselves since it'd be 2-3 weeks before we saw one another.

    When I moved to SC to live with him though, that kinda changed. I guess because I figured I'm always ready to go when it comes to sex, doesnt matter when. A couple times last year (2 or 3), if the bf took the day off work to fix the car or run errands and whatnot, he'd masturbate to pics of random girls (pornstars I guess) people posted on one of the messageboards we frequent. (I even had some pics of myself on the computer but he had forgotten). I understand it was probably just my insecurities, because I have pretty tiny boobs, and all the pics had girls with relatively larger boobs (or 2 girls at once). I thought at the time it was because mine weren't sufficient, and because he knew I'd never do anything with another girl.

    The next time, he told me he didn't look at the internet, but admitted to a 1997 Playboy in his dresser, which he then told me to take out and put somewhere else.

    At first he'd hide it, then admit to it when he knew I really did know. He realized it upset me, & he stopped. I think the hiding it had affected me the most at first. Then it made me feel like I didnt please him enough or do something he wanted. Again, most likely my insecurities. :hs: It was also aggravating because he knows I love out-of-the-blue sex, so if he had been feeling horny before I went to work, we so could have gone at it. He also knew when I'd get home from work, I'd probably pounce on him anyway - just seemed like he couldn't even try to wait those couple hours.

    Since then, he hasn't (and even admitted it to a friend recently, which I didnt think he'd do haha) - though most of the time we are together now anyway. He said to me he's realized it was stupid to do that, because it doesnt compare to when I'm doing something to him or when we're having sex.

    Usually now the only time that porn comes up is if we are getting ideas or are just feeling in the mood to do it.

    We talked through it all after the last time, and everything has been great for both of us :)
     
  11. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    If he spends time with you, treats you well and doesn't choose porn over you- then is it really a big deal? If he's coming home to you every night then I wouldn't worry about it ;)
     
  12. andymodem

    andymodem Ambitious, but rubbish.

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    Because, if your not getting it at home, that's the next best thing to keep you from losing your mind.
     
  13. level99

    level99 Guest

    yeah. seriously, if u chicks were so concerned about your man's porn. how about Giving "it" to him at least 3 times a week. that will severely curb his porn appetite
     
  14. deviant

    deviant rest your trigger on my finger

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    try 7.
     
  15. deviant

    deviant rest your trigger on my finger

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    women should NEVER expect their men to masturbate to thoughts or pictures or them all the time, that's just absurd. there's nothing wrong with fantasy (come on ladies, you know you fantasize about brad pitt or whoever :mamoru: ). it's harmless and it's safe. also, regardless of how much sex we're getting, we're STILL going to masturbate at times. it's quick, it's fun, it feels good. that's not to take away from the sex at all (it could be the best sex ever), which i think is something that women misconstrue; us guys are just like that. you could be the 100% hottest, sexiest, most sexually skilled woman in the world, and your guy is still going to whack it now and again. don't take it personally ;)
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2007
  16. BeHeadR

    BeHeadR Only Slightly Insane

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    Wow I feel sorry for that guy. Because you are insecure and obviously very very very controlling hes not allowed to pull his pud anymore. You seriously need to get some therapy if you think you have the right to control his masturbation habits, what he masturbates to, and what he fantasies about when he masturbates. You are seriously insane. I don't know how your b/f could masturbate anyway since its obvious he doesn't have any nuts. :hsugh:
     
  17. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    Considering this is the internet and you really dont know what my relationship is like off this screen, I'll just laugh. I'm insane and controlling, yeah. He does what he wants, I've never stopped him from doing anything before. We talk about stuff when something is bothering one of us. He's promised to talk to me if anything bugs him that I do or say, and vice versa. I left it all up to him and he made the choice of not doing it :dunno:

    But hey, think what you want. You think its crazy, thats fine. He doesnt, thats fine. We have tons of good sex, a great relationship, and have our own opinions :)
     
  18. deviant

    deviant rest your trigger on my finger

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    you think it's bad to watch porn because it helps you figure out what turns you on? that's ridiculous. and no, in and of itself it doesn't make you view women as an object unless you allow it to do so.

    too much of anything is a bad thing, porn included, and it shouldn't take anything away from a healthy relationship (assuming neither party has an addiction to it, such as you had, and neither party is too uptight to realize that it's just fantasy).

    i don't think it ruins intimacy AT ALL, and in many relationships it's used as a tool to spice things up (which in turn brings a higher level of intimacy in that the two of you are sharing something). lots of things are bad for SOME people because they lack the self control to use them in moderation (alcohol, weed, gambling, etc), but that doesn't mean that they are inherently bad for everyone.
     
  19. andymodem

    andymodem Ambitious, but rubbish.

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    I can understand that if your sex life is active.
     
  20. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Very much so!!!!!
     
  21. BlaXicaN

    BlaXicaN OT Supporter

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    I've learned to stop looking at porn. It really does ruin the intimacy of sex/love in real life. just speaking from experience
     
  22. BlaXicaN

    BlaXicaN OT Supporter

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    and me and my ex used to watch porn together every now and then as well... but that gets old over time, and you start to realize that
     
  23. ImNoSnowWhite

    ImNoSnowWhite New Member

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    i personally have no problem with my husband watching porn without me. we watch it together and i also watch it when i am diddlin alone. all things in moderation.
     
  24. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Porn is for a different purpose.

    I can't speak for other guys, but if I don't get my rocks off occasionaly (say twice a week) then when I am in bed next to my wife I can't get my mind off of sex. This drives me apeshit when she has her period or she doesn't feel like doing it.
    'Im too tired. I have a headache.' ooohhhhhh. Sex is really different for women then it is for guys.

    There is also the thing that she just isnt adventurous enough in bed. Porn is nice at least for the fantasy of doing these other things that turn me on that she won't go anywhere near (don't worry totally legal, she is just .... I don't know, I have some definite fetishes and she doesn't).

    I think it keeps everything in place. I understand your worries, but I really don't think there is the connection between someone cheating and someone looking at porn that you think there is.
     
  25. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I don't understand why you couldn't just fantasies about her? Look at her and have a play? Why do you need to look at another person?

    Have you discussed this with her?


    I think couples need to compromise in the bedroom. Sometimes you may have to do things you aren't totally excited about but if it makes your partner excited in a few minutes or seconds you usually will be too.

    BUT if both are happy with the usage of external aides then no one's business really and it isn't something that they should fix just to fit in with the norm or someone elses norm
     

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