SRS Please...Someone...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DreamDemon, Aug 22, 2005.

  1. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    I'm really scared to even post this. I don't want him to find it and cut me down more. I need to get it out though... I need to tell someone. I will warn you that this is really long... it might even take 2 posts. If you dont want to read it, fine... I guess I'll see how it goes.
    -=-=-=-

    My boyfriend and I broke up 2 weeks and 2 days ago today. After a 4+ year relationship ending, I’m a fucking emotional wreck, but am doing a decent job of hiding it. I do let a small amount of my feelings out, and I confide in a few close friends. But I know that they get sick of my self proclaimed pity party, I am aware of this. I simply do not know what else to do. I have no idea how to go about dealing with these feelings.

    A small (huge) back story: We met and started dating when I was 15, and he was 19. I spent practically the whole summer in his town. Things were GREAT, we had a mad passionate thing going for a few months, great sex and lots of it, but then reality caught up to me when I had to go back to high school and do my normal life such as basketball practices and games, friends from my home town, no license, just my life in general. The fairy tale was great, but I knew it wouldn’t work…. I broke it off with him, it didn’t last long. We got back together, and for the next year tried our damnedest to make things work and to have a normal happy relationship. There was many a night where I would lay out in the cold in my mom’s car talking to him on her cell phone for hours at a time because it was long distance to talk on the regular phone. We had our issues even then. It was hard on me being so far away from someone that I cared about and someone who “loved” me.

    *Even then I had a hard time believing that that was true. He had a hard time showing me that in the way I need to be showed… this continued for the next 4 years…Still I loved him, and refused to walk away.* It was also hard for me because there was this guy in my class whom I had grown up with; we’ll call him Selmer. He was my first real kiss… and a girl has a hard time forgetting that kind of puppy love..it followed me all through high school too... but that’s beside the point right now.

    Anyway, a year after me and the (now) X started dating I had a chance to be with Selmer. We had been together the summer the X and I met, but he wasn’t ready for any kind of relationship, and that hurt me, so I just basically said “fuck him” and moved on. When I had this chance, it … I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I really don’t. I had this chance to be with him, and I took it. I really cared about him, and at that point I would have happily broke it off with X to be with Selmer. Ironically, we slept together on mine and X’s 1 year anniversary. I never knew it until afterwards, and yes I am aware that I sound like a dirty whore, but I also know that I was really young at 16, and just really looking for someone to love me the way I needed to be loved.


    It ended up that X found out about what happened, which I guess is okay, because I know it’s not something that I should have kept from him. But I did, and only told him after I knew he was going to find out anyway. It was a bad deal, he broke up with me, but I was truly sorry and wanted more than anything to make it up to him, so I was persistent. In hindsight, I should have probably taken that opportunity to walk away, but I didn’t. We eventually got back together and I was pretty sure that he forgave me and we had moved on. It was hard, and I still to this day feel bad about it. That there was the basis of his lack of trust in me. And that was 3 years ago—but wait! There’s more.


    Yes, we moved past the Selmer thing, but I still wasn’t getting what I needed. I was unhappy, and trying to do the long distance thing still. I can’t remember how many times we broke up and I would go off in search of that one person who needed me and loved me as much as I them. He would tell you that it was at least once a year… and he’s probably right. It’s not that I ever cheated technically because we were always broken up… but it’s the fact behind that matter that I was not completely faithful to just him in the 4 years that we were “together” officially or not. He couldn’t live with it and honestly I do not blame him, but it doesn’t make this any easier.


    Moving on to last year… I moved to his town to start college and have a life here. I made friends in his friends, and a few outside of them. There was this one guy whom I met and ended up playing on a team with for summer rec, and was just friends with although I will admit that the attraction was there for both of us. But as long and X and I were together, nothing would happen, and nothing did happen. After being seemingly neglected by X for too many weeks/ months, I decided that I could no longer be with someone who didn’t love me and who I was not important to. At least I never felt that I was. We broke up, and things got really nasty between us and all of our mutual friends got involved. I ended up being basically shunned by everyone I knew and cared about and I was devastated. I’m not saying that I didn’t do SOME things to bring that on myself, but it still hurt. I started hangout with the guy from the team, which started some really bad drama. He broke it off with me because he couldn’t take it anymore, and although I didn’t blame him, it still hurt to be ditched by yet another of my “friends.”

    During this first real breakup, my best friend betrayed me. Her boyfriend and X are best friends from childhood and that’s how I met her. We became close, and I honestly thought I could trust her with anything—ANYTHING. But it became quite clear that she could not keep anything to herself and she would tell her bf, who would tell X everything I said. I was careful not to say anything too nasty because through all of this I was truly aware that he still had feelings, whether we were fighting or not. However, things got twisted and one night my roommate, I, and she got fucked up at my apartment with a few of my guy friends from high school… I was so drunk that I made a game out of candle wax. We swore each other to secrecy because although it was all in fun, we knew how it would look to others. Well, she told and the proverbial shit hit the fan. After that, she didn’t speak to me and neither did anyone else. For mostly lack of anything else that I could do, I began cutting myself. It helped a lot, even though I never thought I would be a person who could do that to herself. After a time of hating myself, my life and everything in it, I decided that it would be in my best interest to go back to X.


    Eventually we made up, I promised not to ever speak to the teammate again and things were great for a few weeks, but then the cycle started again. I became the last thing on his list of things to do, I seemed not important, and I felt unimportant. We broke up again, but not so seriously. We got back together, blah blah. I started talking to the team mate again, but hiding it, and then not bothering anymore. I kind of felt as though it kept X on his toes. Fast forward to this summer. Things were bad in June, and I thought of breaking up with him again. I made plans to go see my brother, who lives out of town for a few weeks. My plan was I would break up with X, leave town and have a few weeks to get myself together and hopefully get over him. Well, his b-day was june 10, and we left town together and had an amazing weekend together, which carried over to the next few weeks. I was even rethinking the trip to see my brother because I was so happy with where we were. I was thinking of moving in with X, and was excited to have a life together. Thankfully I never took that step, and went on the 6th of July to MN to my brother’s house, leaving my perfect relationship at home. While I was away, X could never find the time to talk to me on the phone, even just to talk about our days. He was too busy and some of the stuff he said he was “doing” seemed a little iffy. I didn’t trust him and it scared me, because I have always trusted him. The trip was great, but after dropping of my cousin, who came with me, I broke down on the way home. I cried and cried because I was so lonely and I was just unhappy with my life and stuff.


    I went home a few days early to try to surprise X, and also to just “be around” to see if he actually was doing what he said he was. I went to his home, and was looking forward to it just being “us” and catching up on the past week or so while I was away. Instead I was so disappointed because he shut me out—like always. We didn’t talk, and that night when we went to bed I felt worse than I did when I got home. He bought a new “toy” that he and his friend worked on and played with for about a week while I sat at his house alone because he begged me to come over. Fast forward a week or 2. My Bff was expecting her 2nd child, and was going to be induced into labor on Saturday. I had to work, but was confident I wouldn’t miss anything. Thigns got complicated and I ended up having to ditch out on work and get there ASAP. I begged X to come with me (we had to go out of town for the delivery), but he had to work and couldn’t be bothered by being there for his best friends. I went alone. X’s best friend was crushed when I told him X would not be coming, and we all called and begged him to come there to be with us. He wouldn’t. I was also crushed. I drove home the next day and had 2 hours alone in the car to think about all the ways we are different and whether or not I thought I could live with those things in the long run. I decided I could not, and when I got back to MY hometown, I went out with my best friend from high school, got some liquid courage in me and ended up breaking up with X. The next day I felt terrible about it, but guess who had gone to see the new baby? Yep, him. Even though we begged and pleaded for him to come when I was there. Apparently it was too much to ask. We went on with our lives as though I hadn’t really even said anything about breaking up, but a week later, I was supposed to go home for a big city-wide bash. My plans ended up falling through, but I was looking forward to a night alone, without party-pooper-X.

    I ended up hanging out with the teammate, and lying to X about where I was, and who I was with. I told him I was in my hometown, when I wasn’t. Let’s just cut to the chase and say he caught me. Great, fine, I lied to him, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have, but I wanted him to understand that I should not HAVE to lie to him to get a night to myself. He didn’t, and he broke up with me that night, Friday. Saturday morning he appeared at my door with a box full of my things and basically ended everything for good right there. We did continue to speak throughout the week, and even talked about getting back together and being happy again… What a lie. We should both know better by now. We’ll never be happy together, and although I love him so much and would do anything for him, I feel that I’ve changed who I am to be like him. Which is not someone I want to be, and never thought I would be. I’m attractive, I know this, but I have no self confidence or self esteem. I’m charming and caring and would do anything for anyone, but I’m scared to talk to people, or make new friends. I’m getting sidetracked. The point is, he and a friend planned a big party for the following Saturday and I had to work (but wouldn’t have been invited even if I didn’t). They all came in to the place where I work to eat at about 230am. I was really happy to see them, and they were all happy except him, and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I looked around the room, doing my rounds and I spotted the teammate. I went over to get them drinks and take their order and the team mate grabbed at my apron and started just playing around with me… I didn’t find it too inappropriate, it was in good fun, and X and I were broken up. I laughed about it, and turned way from him to see X staring at me. He was PISSED. He started muttering to me under his breath about flirting with my little boyfriend and blah blah. The 2 boys started talking shit to each other by way of how they were talking to me, and treating me, and it was a big drama. X left, after pouring creamer all over my table, spitting in my coffee cups, and squishing jelly all over the floor.


    I knew he was pissed, and thought nothing of it really because he was also very drunk. The thought fleetingly crossed my mind to tell BFF to keep an eye on him because I didn’t trust what he might do, but I didn’t. Instead I went about my business and when I got off work at 4am, I walked out to my car to see it had been vandalized. There were nasty words directed at me written all over my brand new car that I was so proud of (and he knew this) and I had paid for with my own money. I broke down in the parking lot that night. I cried my eyes out in shame, hurt, humiliation, and confusion. How could someone I love do this to me? I wiped my eyes and decided I would not let his shitty behavior get the best of me. I cleaned it off my car, and went on like nothing happened. I still haven’t said a word about it to him.


    We haven’t spoken since that night. He says he doesn’t “think too much of me” and acts as though he does not and never did have feelings for me, or love me. I cannot understand this. How can someone just shut off feelings like that? Yes, I am hurt, and scared and lonely. But I still love him. I still miss him. Part of me wants to have back what we used to have. I miss our life together, the things we used to do with our friends, the happy times. That’s all I remember. The bad things that happened do not haunt me much anymore… in fact I hardly remember most of them. He has been taking all my friends away again, one by one, and I don’t know what to do. I know I made mistakes, and I fully take the blame for this breakup. I know I lied, I know I cheated way back when, but… I can’t understand how someone cannot forgive after all these years. I cannot understand how he just … doesn’t love me anymore. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m lonely, depressed and have lost 10 pounds in the last week. I have no will to live. I have thought about suicide, but the logical part of my brain kicks my ass and I wise up. I do not know where to turn, who to talk to or what to do with myself. The life that I have known for the last 4 years is gone. I don’t know how to move on, what to think, do or feel. I need someone—anyone to listen to me, to help me sort through all this shit, and all these feelings that I have, but I refuse to burden the ones I love.


    Please… someone help me. Help me move on, tell me what I should do, who I should turn to… I’m so confused and alone. *And yet still sorry for burdening you with my trouble.*
     
  2. Capicu

    Capicu New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2004
    Messages:
    157
    Likes Received:
    0
    woah and i thought mine was long

    im no expert but i can tell you don't cut yourself, you have nothing to gain, only loose, and your life is to precious to take away.

    i didn't catch if you are going to college or not, but if you are try to make some friends there and hang out with them, or at your job try to make some friends at your job,

    take up some hobbies, music, reading, poetry, fitness, watever, do watever it takes, and just block him completely out of your mind, i know its hard, im going through some confusing shit now and i've been through hell and back before.

    believe me a life is too precious to take away and don't let yourself feel down over him, theres plenty of people out there

    im sorry to tell you this but i have a trust problem and i really can't go back to somebody who cheated on me even once, but thats just me, and i understand that you are genuinely sorry for that.

    in any case,

    this relationship is gone, so try to forget about it, i kno how you feel after 4 years but its time to move on and make new friends, start life over, do watever you want to.
    be happy,
    buy something for yourself

    life is wonderful

    even though we go through tough shit, and sometimes are tempted to even take out life away, we all realize that we don't need that shit, we can make ourselves happy

    remember life is wonderful
     
  3. Capicu

    Capicu New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2004
    Messages:
    157
    Likes Received:
    0
    just to make it clear lol i feel ya

    :hug:
     
  4. J R B

    J R B The pink pills are for your sanity, we are buried

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2004
    Messages:
    2,168
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nova Scotia
    You deffinitly made the best choice by breaking up. You've now seen his ugly side. Do you really want to be with someone who would act like that? Maybe you're not so much in love with him, as you are the feeling of being in love.

    Just forget about him, and move on. Find things to occupy your time, go out and just start looking for new people. Force yourself to do it. Your brain/heart will thank you for it.

    You WILL find love again.
     
  5. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2004
    Messages:
    131
    Likes Received:
    0
    The simple suggestion is to go out and try to make new friends.

    Where do you live? Maybe you can find some kind of organization to join
     
  6. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    Thanx for all your support and advice. I actually felt better the moment I hit the "post" button. I've been trying to do things to keep myself busy, and am in college... I'm looking forward to classes starting again so I can maybe find a new group of friends. I'm from a small town and seriously there's nothing to do here. The college doesn't even have any organizations really... I dunno. I'm still at a loss, but seriously just your guys' support has helped a lot. Thank you.
     
  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,957
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    You think about getting back with him because when you're gone from someone you start to remember all of the good times and the positve things, forgetting about the bad things. But as you've experienced many times, as soon as you get back together the bad shit resurfaces. The truth is that the issues that you deal with at the start of the relationship is going to last forever. It's very difficult to overcome these challenges because there exist due to who you two are. It's in his nature to be aloof, it's in your nature to resent it. If you are able to learn, you can deal with these issues in a new relationship, but not with the old because those emotional bonds, whether they are good or bad feelings have gotten so strong over the years. It is nearly impossible to break them down because they have formed the base of your relationship together. Even if you two are broken up now, anything can remind either of you of the past, which brings back really strong hurtful emotions that can overwhelm a person.

    If I were you I'd severe this friendship. If you can, try to get a meeting with him one last time to talk. Don't talk about the negative stuff. Remember the good times with each other. However, do not get back together. The purpose of this would be to have positive closure so that your last memories are good memories.
     
  8. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,047
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Land of Provincialism
    I have to quote Doris Day (eek!) here and say "Love is a circus on a merry-go-round." Holy Doodle...quite the series of events. I think it's time you got off the ride and found another one. You two sound like you are just tormenting one another...that's not love. I fully understand soul pain from love that has gone bad...cutting yourself...I can very well understand that too. Sometimes hurt goes wayyyy beyond pain...and one seeks whatever method they can to have at least a second of sweet release from hurt. IMO, you should just end it, seek some help...cutting yourself is not an answer. Obviously you have some issues (and that is not to say the bf does not have any) however, I think it would be in your best interest, to see someone and examine/explore why it is that you have to seek love and find it within someone else. Loving, really loving, starts with loving yourself. You are young, articulate and have your whole life ahead of you, make the best of it...stop and take pause of what is going on around you...don't expect the pain to go away after a week, or a month, and sometimes it just stays and one learns how to deal with it effectively, in any case healing takes time. Take it from an expert on Soul Pain, it does get better...Find someone professional to help you heal...My thoughts are with you...
     
  9. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2004
    Messages:
    50,352
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    california
    those are the 3 interesting points that i found in your post... heres why.

    1
    X left, after pouring creamer all over my table, spitting in my coffee cups, and squishing jelly all over the floor

    so he was 19 four years ago.. that would make him 23 appox. now. real mature for 23.

    2
    How can someone just shut off feelings like that?

    you cant... either the "feelings" were never there or his are long gone

    3
    and I fully take the blame for this breakup.

    relationships take two people.... or "it takes two to tango" as it were.



    i know, with one girl, our relationship was 1000000% a game. and for me it got to the point where we would brake up, and i would see if i could get her back, just to see if i could. it had absolutly nothing to do with her, it was to see if i could. real dick-head thing to do i know, but thats how it went... really what happened were my feelings, if i ever really had any, were long gone.

    the problem with suecide is the logic. at least for me, i know that people have invested too much in me for me to just throw their investment away. at least thats how i look at it, you mentioned that you went to see your brother, so if you have a good or close relationship with your brother, perhaps you should go spend some time with him, and talk to him about it.

    i would definatly join a study group for a class or something like that, but i would not date or get romantically involved with anyone for a while, until you sort your own things out..

    this is getting a lottle long so ill just end it with, no one that "loves" you would destroy something you love (your car) or act that childish in a public place, hopefully youve stoped with the self destructive things, because just hearing that i want to give you a hug, because its sad just to hear about it. and to the people that said love yourself before you can love someone else.... totally true. ive been through some weird and crappy relationships, get some self confidence and love will find you.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You know all that happend to you is just the price for all your wrong-doings against him. Nothing that you do is without consequenses, you see if you first lied to him, and then give him the impression that you are flirting with other guys while you first had a relationship with him having intense feelings for you, that was enough for him to go beserk and hit you where it hurted the most,and also scratching your car.

    Now no matter how deep a soul has fallen, there is always a way out. I recommend you read this book that saved me from suicide.
    http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf

    About your insecurity and low self-esteem. Never belittle yourself. There is nothing to be insecure or uncertain off, you see all worries are no real worries at all in life. If you start loving yourself then no matter how horrible your body looks , you'll appreciate it because if you accept your own soul and body then you don't have to give a damn about someone else and to look good to be accepted and living up to someone elses expectations. The longer you live the less you give a damn all those expectations. Really looking neutral to it and ask yourself what does it matter on eternity? Nothing much so why worry? Most people just want to see superficial things that's just their spiritual handicap. You need to understand that in order to become happy, you need to love and help others. NOTHING in this whole galaxy will make you happy besides loving and helping others. So focus on that.
     
  11. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2002
    Messages:
    1,941
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iron City
    You're not ready for a relationship at this stage of your life. Take a few years off before you get seriously involved with anyone.
     
  12. maskednegator

    maskednegator Kosmonaut, best we've got...

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2004
    Messages:
    2,923
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Diego
    sorry, but this dude's a tool. he wrecked your table and trashed your car because you flirted with someone while you were under no obligation to be faithful to him. that is simply unacceptable.
    be glad he's out of your life.
     
  13. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    You have all made some really good points. I already know that in order for anyone to love me, I need to love myself. I've been saying that for over a year now.

    I am at a loss for words... I have so many running through my head right now. I really really really appreciate all of you who took the time to read through my post and make a heartfelt comment. I am not looking for anyone to replace that void in my life. I know that I need to grow up and grow into myself before I even think about dragging someone else into my emotionally chaotic life.

    I honestly cannot express what your replies have meant to me. The only thing I can say is Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I feel like I have a new (positive) outlook on my life and that's not a bad thing is it? Once again everyone...I appreciate everything.
     
  14. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    New Update...

    He has a new girlfriend. I feel like I died inside. I dont know what to think feel or do. I wish I could crawl in a fucking hole and die, but that's probably what he wants, so I refuse.

    Fuck. Where do I go from here? I thought I was going to be okay after all of you gave advice, support, and your time.... But now... I'm just not ready to deal with this. I dont know how to deal with it.

    This is a small town. I know the girl he's dating. I thought of her as a friend. I'll have to see her, and everyone else knowing that he's moved on and I'm still stuck here trying to deal with my torment of emotions...i've heard that the "I dont give a shit" attitude would be the best way to handle it, but I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve and I simply dont know if I can do it. FUCK.
     
  15. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,957
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    It's ok :hug:

    Relapses WILL happen. It's been a year and a half since I broke up with my ex. I've probably gotten about 50 difficult relapses, which are times when I feel so hurt and angry. The breakup for me was a huge relief and I have improved myself ten fold since, but what heals the most is time. I'm starting to feel less hurt and anger. The relapses are getting more rare and less significant each time. There will always exist some of that because the relationship had a huge impact on me. But I can live my own life now. And you will too. Be strong.
     
  16. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2004
    Messages:
    50,352
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    california
    if he was able to move on this fast just think of it as a sign that his feelings were long gone before you guys broke up. its a sad reality to face, but it is just that, reality.

    sever him from your life... hes not good enough for you
     
  17. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    I feel better in the light of day... I think the sunlight has a positive effect on me. I can think a little more clearly about the whole deal, and you guys really are right. I need to move on and yes it's going to be hard. But damn.. What other choice do I have?

    A nice coincidence over the whole thing tho-- they started officially dating on what would have been our 4 year, 2 month anniversary. The 22nd. Hooray for me.
     
  18. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    Your relationship with this guy is the hugest clusterfuck i've ever seen in my life. Cut off ties.

    You said you did already... yet you hang onto him still by counting days that your anniversary would have been on, and who he dates.

    You actually are counting your relationship as 4 years? By the sounds of it, if you subtract all the time spent broken up or fighting or long distance, you have what.. a solid 2 month relationship?

    Come on now. Let it go. Let HIM go. Make new friends. The longer you try to hold onto your feelings with him its only gonna drag your shitty situation on longer. Wipe yourself a clean slate, steer clear of relationships for now, focus on just having fun on your own.
     
  19. grapevinedirge

    grapevinedirge New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2005
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hmm,
    drowning yourself in television or books kills the pain a little.
    I'm so sorry. If you need to talk to someone just PM me or something.
     
  20. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    It's good that he has another girl - it's something to keep him away from you. You don't need him, and he doesn't deserve you. Do what I did - ditch any of the mutual 'friends' that don't give a shit about you, keep the ones worth keeping and move on.

    While it's hard to see things in a clear light now, just remember that interacting with him is not worth the effort. If he tries to antagonize you, be the "bigger person" and don't play his games. You have yourself to attend to and that's all that should matter.
     
  21. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    It's a lot harder than it seems.... after reading all your advice, I totally feel like I can do this, and I know a lot of the stuff you all have said. But knowing and feelings are 2 different things. I still get *literally* sick to my stomache if I think about it too much.

    I think I need some time to get away and just clear my head. But I work all the time and dont have a break until next weekend, when we planned (a long time ago) to go away for the weekend. He's now going on "our" vacation with his new gf...
     
  22. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    That sick feeling sucks...I empathize. I can only say that removing yourself from that situation by staying occupied is maybe the easiest way to handle it. Stop counting your days by what you *could* be doing if you were still together because you're just prolonging your own healing process.

    Like any other addiction in life, you just gotta get over that hump. Recognize you have these feelings, dump it out, take each day at a time. At some point in the future, it could be weeks or a few months...you'll wake up and think "I'm over it"
     
  23. 98TsiAWD

    98TsiAWD New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2002
    Messages:
    461
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi.

    And Im just gonna say one thing. You guys dont know 5% of her cheating past. And the last time's were nowhere near 3 years ago. Let the full truth out of your cheating. Since you cant do it to my face, on the phone, or on msn, do it here. Lets see those balls.


    One more thing I guess. The Best thing you said for yourself was that you need to grow up before dragging anyone else in, that is EXACTLY what you need to do.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2005
  24. DreamDemon

    DreamDemon New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minot, ND
    I fucking called it didn't I? He was gonna find this, not give 2 shits about the fact that I'm sorry and wanted to fix things, but instead has to say that I'm nothing but a "cheater" and a "liar." You guys.... I'm fucking dying... not physically, but emotionally.
     
  25. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    I really think you should move on with your life DD.
     

Share This Page