SRS please read(anonymous thread)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Oct 27, 2006.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I dont really know what to do. I've been out of high school for a while and luck just doesn't seem to be going my way. I've always freaked out about my purpose in life and I think I somewhat found it but when I went to go take the pre admission test for the training classes I failed part of it and now I had to get a fuck around job at a supermarket. I live at home.

    I think my parents raised me kind of wrong but I also think i'm biologically screwed up. I often get so depressed I want to end it. lately i've been wishing I could just die in my sleep and be done with it. I can remember being depressed, worked up, and alot of ocd scence i was 7 years old or so.

    Everyday I sleep pretty much all the time. Like when I say sleep I sleep atleast 16 hours a day. I've been getting horrible head aces lately as well. I have no motivation to do anything and I can't see my life getting any better.

    I've been in therapy and i've been on meds for this but they dont help that well and my doctor is never around. i've been to like 4 doctors and none of them helped. i also have been on a ton of meds

    I've lately been thinking of checking my self into an asylum or something because its just getting so bad. I dont know what to do and I really need help. My parents arent really supportive at all when it comes to my problems they think i'm just making it up.

    I dont have a ton of friends or a girl freind. I always wish I was someone else.

    What should I do? Is there anywere i could go to get treatment. I'm really afraid I will end it eventually. I'm young and I know i can turn it around but what can I do?
     
  2. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    I know there's a medical term for what you seem to be experiencing, I just can't remember it.

    but I would check out other therapists/doctors since the ones you seem to be seeing haven't offered any real help.

    Maybe even get your parents to go to counseling with you so they can understand where you're coming from and help you out with something
     
  3. Don Ganja

    Don Ganja Drunk Driving > *

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    i am in no way a psychologist, but its seems like you are experiencing one or a combination of two things: depression and/or boredom.

    depression is a tricky subject that i am not qualified to advise you on, but ive had plenty of experience with boredom. first of all, it sounds like you are post high school and feel pressured to find a career path. you will have plenty of time to figure that out, but for now you really need to find yourself.

    start exersising immediatley. this will greatly elevate your overall mood. you dont have to bulk up broly like, but some extra strength and endurance will help you feel lighter and more energetic.

    make some small talk with your co-workers. i used to work at a supermarket some years ago, and i was probably much like you - a bit shy and withdrawn. i would eat alone on my lunch somewhere private and generally not talk to anyone. i decided to change that and started to slowly integrate myself into the break room at lunches where everyone else ate. it would probably help you to do something similar. the more you socialize, the better you get at it.

    force yourself to change. take small steps outside of your comfort zone. the more comfortable you are with your surroundings, the more life options become available to you.

    lastly, in the asylum stickies are some helpful advice sites on women.

    i hope this helps. took me a damn half hour to write this. damn ADD.
     
  4. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    sound like you have come to the realization, that you, in and of yourself, cannot make yourself happy.

    maybe something else can?
     
  5. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    When I was in High School I wanted to fly.
    I remember talking to a guidance counselor and he was like, 'Aren't you putting all your eggs in one basket?' and I was like, 'Yeah, so what? I want to fly or I want to die.'.

    My understanding (which among many, many things at this age for me was really fucked up) was that I should go to college, get a 4 year degree and then join the military. They would hand me the keys to a sexy jet.

    So I got out of high school and went right to college.
    Where I failed. Miserably.
    To go into the details would drag the story out. The short of it was that it was the first time in my life where my depression came out and took me by my balls.
    So after a year in college I dropped out.
    I was freaking out.
    I decided that I needed to go into the military.
    My depression was getting the better of me. I felt broken. I wanted to someone to fix me. I felt like my parents had been way to kind to me my entire life. I felt like I was privledged. I decided to go into the Marines.

    I figured that there was nothing wrong with me that a drill instructor couldn't fix.
    So I get into boot camp. I was away from my family - far away - and I felt like I was way in over my head. My depression came back like a tiger. I did alright at keeping it at bay... until...
    When I signed up for the Marines I had chosen as a job a navigator on an airplane. In order to be part of an aircrew you MUST pass a swimming test that is much harder then the swimming test all other recruits must pass. I tried that test 4 times and failed it every time.
    There was no way the Marines were going to put me in a plane.
    Now I am in the Marines and the depression really gets a hold of me.

    I tried suicide. They kick me out of boot camp. I come home scared.
    I was convinced I would be homeless.

    I spend a year living at my parents house and going from one worthless job to the next.
    I had a job making donuts, I had a job assembling boxes on a manufacturing line. See, it wasn't that I am dumb. I am not. It was that I had my self respect sapped to NOTHING. I thought I was worthless so I only went out for worthless jobs.

    Then I found a job telemarketing. Yeah I know, this should be another worthless job. But it wasn't.
    The first day on the job something was said to me, it was the first time anyone had said anything like this to me since before the Marines. I was told by my boss that she didn't give a rats ass what sort of baggage anyone came attached with. She didn't care about anyones past. If you performed for her she would reward you with raises and responsibility. She showed me the different positions I could fulfill and promised me that I had the same opportunity at them as everyone else. All I had to do was a good job.

    It is weird. Then I thought it was a break. Now I think she was just being nothing but fair.
    I responded to that. I responded big time. I worked my ass off. I was the best damned telemarketer I could be. She kept her word.
    I did that for 5 years. That job helped me regain my self respect. That job taught me that my counselor was right, I had put all my eggs in one basket. But that job also taught me that if I was willing to work hard enough there was a place for me. It taught me that this idea that you either went into the military or college or you were homeless was BS.

    Something else happened.
    I met the companies networking guy. I was fascinated by what he did. Just absolutely fascinated. I would talk to him whenever I could. I would try to help him whenever I could get away with it.
    He didn't offer me a networking job - or even any real education. But the seed was put into my head that there might be something else out there for me besides flying that I could do professionaly that would fascinate me.

    After 5 years I left that company to work in the computer operations department where I am now a computer operator. I still have no formal education. But I have 7 good years of IT under my belt. In Janurary I start up a year long class to get CISCO certified. The next year I will start up classes to get an MCSE. The year after that I look to do professionaly exactly what that guy at the telemarketing place did.

    I know it is long. But at 33 years old I understand what people mean when they talk about lifes journey. Dude, you got time. It isn't all over. You were down, you can get up.

    Oh something I left out. At 30 years old I began to persue stomping on the depression beast hardcore. I have been seeing a talk doctor and a drug doctor since I was 30.
     
  6. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    what like drugs?
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    BAD, BAD, BAD thing to say or even suggest.

    If he can't make himself happy, what can? Something or someone else? Then, what happens when that something or someone else isn't available?

    This line of thinking will lead to a reliance/dependence on whatever the something or someone is that supposedly makes the OP happy.

    Only you can make you happy. I agree with the other posters, seek some professional help, or at least some different professional help than what you currently use.
     
  8. Don Ganja

    Don Ganja Drunk Driving > *

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    i completely agree with you. recreational drugs should never be used to escape from an emotional problem, as they will likely amplify and accelerate the user's distress.
     

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