I will make this simple as to avoid confusion, and illict suggestions. Right off the bat I will say I am probably on the borderline of having a borderline personality disorder, if that makes sense. Anyway, I haven't been able to work for the last ~3 years due to health problems. In that time my mom has let me stay with her, and basicaly cared for most of my bills. Part of the BPD thing is Impulsive spending on the stock market and futures market. I havent told her yet, I don't know how. She can't pay my CC. She simply doesnt have the money, and it isn't her problem. Right now I am in the hole ~25k to a credit card company. I am 2 months late now, as I have sold everything I can think of. For a long time, probably several years I have had suicidal ideations. Now, I am closer to acting on them. I have the means, motive, and method. Aside from that I felt the urge to write the infamous goodbye letter last night. One of the problems is that my name and social are on several of her and my grandarents bank accounts. Here again I dont want to make them pay the money. The point is I screwed up. I would pay the money back, but I am scheduled for back surgery in about a month. It will take me 6 months to a year to recover. So basically I am lost and aside from pills or a bullet, this was the only place I could think to turn.