SRS Parents want me and the BF in separate rooms

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Elfling, Apr 5, 2007.

  1. Elfling

    Elfling New Member

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    *after* I thought my mom and I had agreed on us having our own room during vacation. Forgive me, I'm going to rant.

    I can grudgingly accept the "our house our rules" thing, but we had talked about it and I'm just fed up. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. Everyone knows we live together. I'm taking my one damn week of vacation and spending it on the family, and now my dad wants to make a big deal out of the whole "It's immoral for you to share a bed if you're not married" business.

    But when they visit us, I don't stop them from praying before meals, even though I don't. I don't tell them they have to sleep in separate beds because old people sex is gross :mamoru:

    I guess I'm just peeved because it's not like I'm 18 anymore, I'm a grownup and I don't like them going back on something I thought we had agreed on. And that little irrational part of me wants to just go ballistic because it's just like why I left the house at 17.
     
  2. percent

    percent deluded

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    easy fix - just get married before the vacation.
     
  3. Jack Horner

    Jack Horner Guest

    You sound like a spoiled brat. If you don't want to go on the vacation, don't go. It sounds like you're just trying to get a rise out of your parents. You can't go 1 week without having sex with your boyfriend?
     
  4. Kazzander

    Kazzander I only got this for the search.

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    Make your parents be the "bad guy". Make them be the ones that tell you "Well, if that's how it's going to be, then you're not welcome to stay here." And then the most important part -- DON'T GO. If you go anyway, not only does that make the religious proliferation of sexual repression the winner, your parents will also know that you'll eventually cave in; all they have to do is stand firm, and they can get you to conform to anything they choose.

    I'm certain that, as a child growing up, you were taught never to compromise your morals, always stand up for what you know is right. Why should that change just because your morals and sense of right differ from theirs?
     
  5. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    gotta respect that, my g/f and I are together 5 years we live together and I wouldn't sleep in the same bed with her at my parents house just feels weird
     
  6. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    get a hotel room instead of staying at your parents house
     
  7. fatgirlsrsneaky

    fatgirlsrsneaky I find your lack of faith... Disturbing.

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    Are you fucking gay?!? :uh: STFU. She is using her ONE WEEK OFF a year to do a family thing and her Dad is trying to treat her like a kid ya dummy. It's probably not even about the sex, She might just want to cuddle with him, how do we know? :dunno:
     
  8. Elfling

    Elfling New Member

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    Bingo. I'm far too old to be in the mood to just get a rise out of my parents.

    Just venting pretty much anyways, you'd think after I've been on my own for 10 years this wouldn't be an issue :mamoru: and :rofl: @ the get married suggestion! Heh. No.
     
  9. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    It's your parents house, respect their rules, or, do one better, go stay in a motel.
     
  10. Elfling

    Elfling New Member

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    We had *already agreed* it wasn't going to be an issue, and they changed their minds. It's a rented beach house too, with 11 bedrooms, that they and my married sister are renting.


    And honestly, that whole "my house my rules" thing? Bullshit. When they come and stay in my apartment, I don't tell them not to pray before meals because it offends me.

    I do like the hotel idea, I'm looking into it. I don't make a shitload of money so we'll see.
     
  11. Xicculus

    Xicculus OT Supporter

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    That's an excellent answer.
     
  12. Vermincelli

    Vermincelli Banned

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    GET OFF MY LAWN!
    To be my typical blunt self, You claim you are an adult but you are acting like a spoiled brat. You aren't being treated as a little child by your parents, you are being treated as an unmarried adult in a home where the religious values see that as wrong. You have the choice to either abide by their wishes while in their home or go get a damn hotel room if you can't go one week trying to be the new rebel. Going into someone else's home demanding THEY change their moral views just to accomodate your need for a week to sleep with your boyfriend isn't mature or adult, it's childish, immature, self absorbed and ill mannered.

    It's no longer YOUR house, it's THEIR house since you became an adult and moved into your own place with another guy. If you don't like their rules, then act like the adult you think you are and either show maturity and abide by their rules, get a hotel room, or don't go.
    Remember this little tidbit. Even though you grew up in their house, you have now moved from occupant to "guest". If you make that realization, then you just gained a few points on the maturity ladder.

    Now, instead of getting all pissy and stomping your feet, look at this as a period in your life where you have a choice to grow up. You will run across these often and it's the wise person who grows who takes a second to ponder. You can agree to your parents terms without pouting and demonstrate to them that you are no longer a child but an adult who can demonstrate the ability to accept comprimise gracefully and enjoy a week with your family as well as demonstrate your boyfriend is a good guy (that is if HE can show the same level of maturity) and actually gain some points with them.
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2007
  13. Vermincelli

    Vermincelli Banned

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    GET OFF MY LAWN!
    Oh, and to add to this.
    This is also a little present dropped into your lap that you haven't even realized. Great time to test your boyfriend to see if he is willing to abide by someone else's wishes in a mature manner or if he too is self absorbed.
    Consider it a test of adulthood for both of you.
     
  14. Elfling

    Elfling New Member

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    This response makes me :rofl:

    Once again: I don't make them change their religious values when they visit me. I find it illogical they ask me to.

    It hasn't been my house since my mother essentially kicked me out at 17 for refusing to join the church, you're right. I don't want any fucking points with them. I just want to be able to see my brothers and sisters. I don't give two shits if my boyfriend gets points with them either. Their approval never has and never will matter.

    I would *like* to have a nice, civilized vacation with them since I do love my siblings. And as I have pointed out SEVERAL times, this is my parents changing their minds AFTER my mother and I had agreed that this would not be an issue.
     
  15. Vermincelli

    Vermincelli Banned

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    GET OFF MY LAWN!
    Then you have made your choice. Get a hotel room or don't go. As for what you allow them to do in your house, that is YOUR choice. It's not a scorecard. You can just as easily decide to not let them come over for dinner. It's nice that you make concessions for them but it's not mandatory and it doesn't matter shit about rules at their house.

    As for changing minds, it seems your mom agreed to something without first talking it over with your dad. Doesn't make a difference though. They have asked you to abide by their rules while you are a guest in their house. You don't even want to consider politely agreeing to their wishes for a week.

    If you want to throw a temper tantrum because you can't handle a simple week sleeping in different bedrooms then you aren't the adult you think you are. You would rather fight and bitch over something this trivial and simple than accept it graciously so you can enjoy the time with your family. But then again, it's your choice to make. You can have a nice civilized vacation if you so desire it but sounds like your immaturity and need to be that rebel child hasn't left you yet.
     
  16. Elfling

    Elfling New Member

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    Hmm. I'm not sure where you're getting "immaturity" and "need to be that rebel child" from. I didn't come in here saying OMFG I hate my parents, or that I was yelling and screaming at them about this. I did qualify this with "I need to rant" because I think it's stupid.
     
  17. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Excuse me? That's ridiculous. If she and her boyfriend have been together for 3 years, are living together, and have been sharing the same bed in their own house, it's VERY silly of her parents to refuse letting them have their own room and I'd be upset too. In fact, if my fiance's parents did this to us I'd either rent my own room seperate of theirs with my fiance' or I'd refuse to go.

    Uptight people who have to place their own beliefs upon others are the problems here. Not the OP.
     
  18. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    If that's how YOU feel that's cool in my opinion. However if you weren't cool with that then you have every right to not be cool with ridiculous rules.
     
  19. Elfling

    Elfling New Member

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    The point I am trying to make is: what gives them the right to insist I behave a certain way, just because they happen to be religious?

    It seems to be just like everything else:

    gay people don't insist straight people be gay.
    tattooed people don't insist people without tattoos get them.
    non-christians don't insist everyone else should abandon their religion.

    But turn it around, and my parents expect me to always behave the way THEIR religion mandates.

    My boyfriend has a similar situation; his family is JW and they've excommunicated him for not staying in the church. His parents technically aren't allowed to talk to him.
     
  20. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I don't think so. I think the parents are forcing their religious beliefs upon other people who don't share the same. That is one of the biggest causes of violent conflict in our world. People who judge and hold others to their own religious opinions.

    It's not their home. It's a family vacation at a rented beach house. Their bringing their own religious opinion and forcing others to abide by it outside of their home.


    See above.

    See above.

    Her parents agreed to them sharing a room to begin with and then went back on their word. Maybe you should pay attention before you run around and play your self righteous card.
     
  21. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    I wouldnt make a big deal of it I can go one week not sleeping in the same bed as my g/f :dunno: they're your parents learn a little respect...shit its basically a free vacation stop bitching. I don't think its so much to do with them forcing their beliefs on you as it is they feel like they're sinning if they allow you to sleep together under the same roof as them, get it?
     
  22. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You've got some personal issues involved here. Are your religious views coinciding with her parents?
     
  23. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    :werd: do this
     
  24. babygodzilla

    babygodzilla I love rice

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    11 bedrooms?
     
  25. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Yeah, respect her parents when her parents disrespect her. Good call. Sounds fair to me.

    It has nothing to do with not being able to go a week without sleeping in the same bed as your partner, it has to do with your life being infringed upon by someone else's personal beliefs. It's her parents entering her life with their personal beliefs. Keep that crap to yourself.

    To the OP, I would totally circumvent their rules by getting a motel. You don't even have to fight them because they aren't going to change. You can probably find a cheap one nearby. I would never bend to their will outside of their own home. If it is their home, it's their house rules. They don't own the beach house and neither are they paying the entire rent. Plus they recended their original agreement that you reached together. Don't let other peoples personal religious view get in the way of how you would do things. You shouldn't have to do this in the USA.
     

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