SRS Parents Divorce, should I be worried about family's wellbeing?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Original, Feb 18, 2005.

  1. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    Well I just heard the news today. After almost getting the cops called on me and possibly being killed at the same time, I managed to get home and hear the news (scary shit). Well my parents have had a rocky relationship for the past 15-20 years but they stayed together for us. I'm currently 15 years old and life couldn't be better. I pull great grades and it seems I have lots of people that really care about me.

    Will things be easier or harder [[read this before saying, "Oh definitely harder!"]].. I've always loved my dad, but he sits around all day and doesn't get much done, on top of the fact that he doesn't support me much, only hoping I grow up to be rich with the grades and intelligence I have. My dad doesn't work, but he's getting money out of his pension. Both of my parents love me greatly and I love them too. For some reason the splitting up of them doesn't bother me much since I think it will make everyone's life easier in the end, but I'm worried about our family financially. My mom says there's nothing to worry about, but she makes very very little a week and without my dad's pension coming in I fear what we'll have to do. Should I start looking out for a job or just let it be up to my mom? I'm really worried on what we're going to do. My mom makes about $150 a week. :ugh:

    Is there anything else to worry about? I really don't think custody or any of that will take place now, seeing as I'm 15 and I'm 99% sure I'll be living with my mom.
     
  2. Nihilist

    Nihilist Guest

    You're gonna get fucked over. I'm not too sure how you should handle it though, it's really different between cases. My parents broke up a little more than a year ago, and they're still mentioning it on a daily basis, my mom keeps bringing it up, whining about shit. It might feel like it doesn't matter, like you don't care, but after a year, it gets to you.

    Tell them to settle their shit themselves, tell them to not bring the family in, it's just going to destroy your lives. Tell them to act like grown ups and not fight about all the shit, it's of no use. Make them settle it rapidly and get on with their lives.
     
  3. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    They've discussed divorce for all my life. It's definitely final, and that's how they settled it.

    How will I get fucked over? I actually think both of my parents will be better people about this. My mom is usually very happy but my dad depresses her and she wakes up everyday not wanting him in this house. It is really sad and I hate this, but what else is there to do. What am I in for?

    BTW - I'm the youngest in my family. My brother lives here too but he's commuting to college so he's not here too often. One of my older sisters is at college and my other is married.

    So this will probably affect mainly me :wtc:
     
  4. Nihilist

    Nihilist Guest

    Good for you. It's worse when they haven't talked it through, and then have to talk it through whilst being mad at eachother. It fucks you over in the head, even if you think that you don't care, it's gonna get to you if it's a bad divorce, trust me.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    How about trying to make a glue attempt? 15-20 isn't nothing. It may have been a rocky relationship, but maby you can do something to make your dad more of an active and positive person? Your mom really hates the bad attitude of your dad,and maby you can engage him to fix things for you ,like your bike or whatever, make him feel needed in the house. He needs to workout, and spend more time outside, he's probably not going to be happy without your mom, and really its not going to do you any good either. It's in the benefit of all, that your parents stay together. You could ask them to re-think about it, and you could try investing into their relationship (your well-being ,depends on their well-being) It's just they need new life blown into their lives. It's so sad that your dad brings darkness into your family life, if he was a more positive person, then i don't see why the relationship couldn't last another 10-20 years. It's just you need to throw away his chair out of the house, and make him go construct things in the shed , or painting the house or whatever challenge he needs to be more involved with society and life.
     
  6. Original

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    I wish he could change, but he won't. He gets in fights with me all the time because I tell him how unsupportive he is that his own kid needs to tell him to get a job. He won't apply himself, he won't get off his ass, and he argues with everyone. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but he needs to get things together, and actually I think this would be better for him, and the rest of us also.

    The main reason the final decision was made was when he told my mom today how he will never change his life, everything will stay the same, he's not going to get a job. After saying that my mom called it quits. The divorce is pretty final, that's that. I just hope things go well afterward, because I know how messy things can get. I fear the end, but I know in the end we will all be better people. Ugh.
     
  7. Mel

    Mel RIP James :(

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    I wouldn't worry about the family's well being. If they've been together that long, and they're just now divorcing, the thought has probably been there for a long time. No couple should stay together just for the kids. They'll seperate, and if it's right for them, they'll work on it later. Just don't take sides. Be there for your parents - but don't let them talk bad about each other to you. Good luck. :hug:
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Im looking at this situation, and im like comparing a bit. It's true that you have to put up with your dad, but you are financially secured. Ok , imagine he's not getting done around the house much. But is that a reason to leave him? Where will you end up from here? You might end up even smaller, and you can't get anything done around in that house, because there's no income from your mom either to make the new place where you are going to stay even better.

    Now not to be offensive or anything however , most of the time it's the guys job to fix the things in the house in traditional households. Not that im saying you or your mom can't. But are you and your mom handy people? Fixing things, electricity,bikes,gardening, able to use hammer,and spikes? There's a lot of things to be done in a new home, and well your dad is lazy and wouldn't probably have had a lot of things fixed in the house where you are staying now anyway.

    If your mom can't do it herself, or can't find people who are able to do it for her(also financially) I really really wonder if leaving is the best thing to do. Your mom will be alone, with the kids , is she going to manage? Now im not saying stay with your dad against your will, but are you sure you are getting something better in return for it? Because your mom's financial position is so bad, i really really doubt it. I was wondering what your dad is getting from his pension. If it's not that much your mom could get a job, and earn more then him. If it's however a fat stash of money what he is receiving, then im really really really doubting if your mom should leave him , not that im saying that money is everything, but you realitywhise are gonna need a lot of it, if you want to maintain a decent lifestyle on this planet. Of course, love is worth infinite more then money, but i really don't like the future looks of it. If you are going to press thru with it, i advice you to do anything in your power to make the most of it. Get a small job that you can do next to your study. Study fast and hard. And get yourself a strong position in life as soon as possible. It will be mainly a struggle out of this gourging river to more stable waters. Do try though.
     
  9. Mel

    Mel RIP James :(

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    After 15-20 years, if you're making the decision to divorce, it's not a decision that has just come about. Also, it's not this kids responsibility to make the parents stick together.

    I hate when parents stay together "just for the kids." Kids are smarter than people give credit for... and they know when their parents aren't happy - and it in turn makes them unhappy and can cause more issues than having a divorce.
     
  10. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    Thanks for your guys input!

    My dad's pension isn't much at all. He told me when he moves out he'll barely have enough money to live in a cheap apartment (he's too stubborn, he just won't get a job). He told me he won't have the internet anymore, probably no cable for tv, and that it would mean the world to him if I visited him once in a while. I know my dad is losing a great amount from this, and by this point I know he still will never change and things just have to work like this.

    My mom said she'd have to pick up a second job. Right now she's a cleaning lady so she doesn't get much income. My dad brought in barely more than she did.

    Currently I'm pretty sure we're staying in this house we have, but we just have to give up a lot of things of the highlife. Right now we have unlimited talking and long distance on our phone lines.. me, my mom, and my sister all share 1000 minutes on our cell phones (i'm thinking cut it down to 400 or get rid of the cells completely).. we have DSL, and my mom is always driving around using up gas money.

    All those things we could easily cut back on and it would help out. I'm not saying this will be easy, I just think it's not a gigantic loss for us. I'm no longer worried about financial security or any of that (my grandparents set back loads of money for us kids; basically I'm secure all the way thru college and for a cheap 1st car -- Thank You!!!) And I currently have over $2000 worth of scholarships at the highschool I'm attending so things are getting easier.

    The main thing i'm worried about is my dad. I know he'll be lonely as hell over there because it will be completely different from living here. It's just so sad watching him go.
     

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