SRS Parents and Facebook?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Socrates, Feb 26, 2010.

  1. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    If any of the regulars here in Asylum read my posts, then you'll know that I have a bipolar mother thats I have a very non-personal relationship with. I see her every day, but I really don't talk to her about anything in my personal life. She is extremely judgemental and critical of those around her, so I prefer not to give her fuel for her fire.

    About a year ago, my Mom and I got into a big fight. I was only on Myspace, and she made one as well to talk to her friends at work or wherever. I accepted her friends request and all was well. After our fight, she deleted me from her friends (lol) and then kept trying to re-add me after we started talking again a couple of weeks later. I decided then and there that I wasn't going to play that little game anymore.

    A few months ago my mom discovered facebook and was on it all the time. I didn't make a facebook until about 2 weeks ago. About a month ago my ex-girlfriend (baby mama) made a wall post saying "I want to rip Tyler's head off!!!" --- I'm Tyler. Her and I were having an argument that day. Anyways, my mom read that and called her and bitched her out about it posting that, lol. She justified her behavior by saying to her "You'll understand one day when someone says something bad about your child!" After that, my Mom deleted her Facebook (no idea why, but I'm sure she realized that she was being immature).

    Skip forward to yesterday, my Mom recreates a Facebook and sends me a friends request. I denied it. Today she called and said in a joking way "You better accept my request on Facebook!" I said "Uhhh, I don't know, Mom. You know how I am and how embarrassed I would be if some girl posts on there that she had a great time with me the night before and you and Aunt Debbie made jokes about it." That was untrue, but I was just trying to keep her happy. She said "Oh....Okay..." in her passive-aggressive tone and then pretended like she had customers come in her store (she was at work) so she had to get off the phone quickly.

    As I said before, there are a lot of things in my personal life that I don't want my Mom to know about or be apart of. She has been known in the past to gossip about things she has read on other Facebooks, confront people about stuff, and use it to show someone how angry she is at someone. I don't need any reminders of growing up around that shit for 18 years. I don't want to play the "I'll delete you when I'm mad at you and send you another friends request to show that I'm not mad anymore" game.

    I need someone opinions on this. It may be difficult for some of you who have great relationships with your parents to understand, but try to look at it from a viewpoint of someone who doesn't have a great relationship.
     
  2. erynne936

    erynne936 my av is a car, but i'm a girl. stop calling me b OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2002
    Messages:
    3,385
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Warwick, RI
    I don't have a great relationship with my parents, at all. It is perfectly ok not to be your mom's FB friend. You need to protect your own sanity and mental health if your mother cannot respect your boundaries and act maturely. If you have a non-personal relationship with her I think that giving her access to your FB would be exactly what you don't want to do - it gives her too much info to work with. Stand your ground!
     
  3. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2006
    Messages:
    8,533
    Likes Received:
    0
    You know...
    you have summed up EXACTLY why I dislike facebook soo.

    But seriously. It is OK and perfectly normal to NOT accept your Mothers friend request on Facebook.
    It is so OK as to almost be fucking weird if you were to accept her friend request.

    Your Mom is obviously a bit nuts. You know this. Everything you do that she wants to participate in needs to be weighted against how nuts your Mom is.

    It is sad, but I think it is true.
     
  4. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    Just got a message from her on Facebook, lol. Here is how it went.

    My Mom February 25 at 8:54pm
    Can't accept me as a friend but, you have the whole Haley clan listed on your friends list. That's Ok, I see where I stand! A little disappointed but, I still love you though!



    Me February 25 at 9:39pm
    Mom, I see you nearly every day of my life. Whether or not I add you as a friend on an internet website is not an indication of how much I love you....

    I don't love the Haley family because I don't know them. I was just curious what they were like. I talk to the Johnson side of the family all the time. The only reason I have the Haley family on here is because I have no other way of talking to them. I can just come see you guys anytime I want.

    Please just call me or stop over by if you want to talk.

    ______________________________________________________

    The Haley "clan" or "family" is my Dad's side of the family that I have never really known. My mom is very bitter with them for not actively seeking out a relationship with me or my brother.
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2010
  5. VA197

    VA197 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2009
    Messages:
    1,856
    Likes Received:
    0
    Your mom is being passive agressive. Handle her with a calm, cool hand and she'll move on to other things. Don't let her onto any of your accounts, you'll be much better off!!!
     
  6. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2002
    Messages:
    9,336
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denial
    I don't even like being linked to my brother because he can snag up into my business...I don't even know what I would do if my mom tried to get one...
     
  7. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2005
    Messages:
    37,183
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alberta
    I don't have any family on mine, my life is drama free. Every single one of those fuckers has drama out their ass, I don't want a part of it, even it bleeding into mine through updates and such.
     
  8. 7960

    7960 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2004
    Messages:
    60,415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New England
    1. tell her "facebook is for my friends, not my family"
    2. ignore/deny facebook requests
    3. if she pushes it, let her know you're not going to add her, ever. let her know you wouldn't invite her to hang out with you and your friends on a friday night, so you're not going to invite her into your friends' private conversations on facebook.
    4. wait and hope it blows over.
     
  9. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    Messages:
    19,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    I get along fairly well with my mom and very well with my dad and brother, and I guess all four of us have Facebook accounts, but I don't have any of them on my friends list. If I want to talk to them, there is always the phone or email. Facebook broadcasts to a large audience, and therefore it is for stuff that isn't personal and that I don't want to see personal reactions to.
     
  10. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2007
    Messages:
    29,840
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Random Location.FL
    Your mom sounds like my mom who constantly looks for conflict when she doesn't get the response from her child/husband/mom/etc... that she expected.

    Her saying shit like "I see where I stand," at least if my mom had said it, is extremely malicious and entirely unnecessary.
     
  11. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    Messages:
    19,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    It seems to me if his mother doesn't like where she "stands", it's on her to "move" to a nicer spot. You can't blame the clouds for raining on you when you're the one who went outside in a thunderstorm.
     
  12. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    So... limit what she can see on your FB account. Accept her friend request, then don't allow her access to see your wall or your pictures or whatever you think will be problematic. Limit the other shit-stirring people too (baby mama sounds like a good candidate). Problem solved. :dunno:

    Edit - I think you might even be able to limit on a per-post basis. I know you can for pictures, not sure about wall posts.
     
  13. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    Then she would throw a fit about me blocking her from viewing my shit.
     
  14. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    Ok.

    You can either leave the friend request hanging and endure her constant bitching, or you can accept it and constantly use the privacy settings for the settings you don't want her to see.

    I just checked FB - you can set privacy on each individual status. So for those "I just fucked the hottest chick last night!" status updates, you can specifically block her from viewing those. Click the little lock next to "share" under the status textbox. You can make that the default, too.
     
  15. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    This is why I hate and refuse to use social media. There is absolutely NO ONE who has a right to know any of my personal business, be they family/friends/whatever. If I want someone to know something, I'll tell them about it personally and on an individual basis.

    I also don't follow others' lives through social media outlets; there are some things people post about in that medium that I don't want or need to know.

    :rofl: Using the term "private conversations" and "facebook" in the same sentence is rather hilarious to me. I know there's privacy settings and all, but still. Private conversations are face-to-face, on the phone, or via email. Not on the internet where someone you don't want to see something might still be able to see it by accident.
     
  16. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Perhaps the answer is, be smart about what you post online and don't ever say things you wouldn't want your family or employers/potential employers to read about. You might accidentally leave something unlocked that could cause you all kinds of problems.
     
  17. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    I see what you guys are saying, but the issue for me is that I lived 18 years with the primary goal in life of not making my Mom mad. That's not who I am anymore and that's not what I want to do. I don't want my Mom seeing ANYTHING on my Facebook other than the basic information. I don't want my Mom to know anything about my life other than what I intentionally tell her.

    My Mom's life is pretty much this: smoke weed, work, sit at home watching TV, and treating her dog like a person. That's completely fine with me, to each his own, but I know that she is bored with life and spends her time talking about the drama of other peoples' life. I don't want to be the subject of that drama! There isn't much that annoys me worse than someone who just talks about other people all day.

    I don't want to have to pick and choose what I put on my Facebook. My Mom is the only person in my life that I don't want to see the things I put on my Facebook, so it is just much easier to not add her as a friend than to privatize everything I post.

    She called me a while ago and talked like nothing happened, so I'm sure this all has blown over until the next time we get in an argument and she accuses me of not loving her because I wouldn't add her on Facebook.
     
  18. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2005
    Messages:
    37,183
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alberta
    You're going to pussy out and add her, that's basically what you are saying.

    Standing up to people can be hard, but this is FB, not anything that actually matters. It sounds like she knows how to play you quite well, are you going to let her, which will add a shit ton of drama to your life?
     
  19. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    Did you read anything I said? I've been doing nothing but saying how I don't want to have my Mom on my Facebook. How the hell did you interpret that as me "pussying out" and adding her?

    Thanks for the dumbass advice.
     
  20. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2005
    Messages:
    37,183
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alberta
    The fact that you made a thread suggests that you don't know what to do or how to say no to the lady. I read what you wrote, then what you wrote again, and then again, and not once do you seem to be saying "I'm not adding her at all ever and there is no way she can convince me."

    You even suggest that she'd whip out the guilt card and play that. Good luck though. :dunno:
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    The great thing about facebook is they've upped their privacy settings. My mom and like everyone in my family now has fb :uh: instead of blocking them totally though, I just edited it so my status updates and things like that aren't viewed by whatever people I have on my little list :dunno:
     
  22. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    :rofl: I love people who think putting personal information on the internet doesn't actually matter :mamoru:
     
  23. Normie

    Normie The TBW weight loss plan worked for me! OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2002
    Messages:
    95,857
    Likes Received:
    306
    Location:
    Back in PA!
    Make another facebook, accept her to one or the other, leave it sit.. :dunno:

    that way you are both happy!
     
  24. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    It's not that I didn't know what to do or how to say no, because I did that before I ever even made this thread. I was just trying to get some outside opinions on the situation to get some outside perspective.
     
  25. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2005
    Messages:
    7,356
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Springfield, MO
    I don't want to play the "Do whatever it takes to make Mom happy" game. I stopped caring whether or not she is happy a few years ago when I determined she likes being angry because the drama adds excitement to her boring life. Basically, I don't want to jump through her hoops or play her little games. I don't want to avoid confrontations for reasons like that.
     

Share This Page