Paaaiiin.... attachment.. :( split up with g/f

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by chlywly, Nov 22, 2005.

  1. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I suppose its been a process long in the making, our relationship has long ago turned destructive. So attached to one another, not free, no true love for one another as we lost love for ourselves... Its been almost 2 years.

    We allowed our insecurities and vices to get the best of us and our relationship, I allowed her insecurities to control me, I lost my backbone and I allowed her Ego and my ego to make a fool of myself and my freedom.

    I have always been there to help her with all I could, but it was never enough, always been criticised for one thing or another: I sensed she wasnt trully happy, just attached to me as a crutch, thinking she can't do things or live without me.

    She lost faith in herself, in the universe, lost belief that she could do anything, was always so down, and I could do nothing about it. She didn't need me and doesn't know.

    I had to do this for her, I had to do this for myself, to free us from our insecurities.

    It's so fucking hard, when you are so attached and so affraid, but its something I had to do. I've never been able to break up with a woman before, this is a first step for me in a long journey of healing and self discovery, I was projecting childhood issues with my father unto her, allowing myself to be a doormatt... She was projecting her insecurities on to me.

    One of the hardest decisions I've taken.

    But i've lost emotional feeling, i've been down for so long, so hurt and keeping it all inside. I could rarely take a full deep breath, always pressure on top of me.

    Guilty for wanting us to be free, allowing her and my insecurities to control my destiny... now I need time for myself, to finally concentrate on myself.

    She hasn't understood yet, she's blaimed me for leaving her at "a very difficult time" ( she's got some school assignments due ) .... I told her it wouldn't make a difference she would always have assignments due if not tomorrow then again the day after. I can't keep pretending, what had to be done had to be done now and things happen when they do so for a reason. She says she hates me for leaving now, its ok for her to be angry, its something she must experience. Its hard though to be strong and hear that. However I know in my heart she doesn't mean it.

    I suppose this is just a rant. 4th long term relationship and i'm learning about myself more than before. I'm doing something I have never been able to do and its very important.

    It hasn't fully hit me yet, I'm sad right now, longing for attachment. I will allow myself to heal.

    :hs:

    Relationships teech us so much about ourselves, only when we have courage enough to learn from them, courage enough to do something we havn't been able to do before. Set ourselves free, and experience TRUE LOVE.
     
  2. dfunk

    dfunk New Member

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    Dude. I can't believe this. Its almost like you are me! Are you sure you're not me and you're not living my life? Yesterday I broke up with my girl. I had to do it. Last 3 months of our relationship were filled with arguments and instability. I truly wasn't happy with her, but I postponed my every attempt to leave. I would tell her, "things need to change, or this won't work out." She would say "i'm gonna do my best, i'm doing my best." Basically I stayed with her because she was so innocent, intelligent, and beautiful at the same time. I was afraid of doing something that I might regret later. But you can't live with "what if's", you gotta do it! So i got some strength yesterday and I did it. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. When I told her that we need to remain friends at least, she said "We'll see." It hurt me so much. Last night i couldn't relax at all. This morning was painful. I feel a bit better now, but its so hard.
     
  3. Ractoon

    Ractoon Shibumi in progress...

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    Very true, hang in there fellah :hsd:
     
  4. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Thanks guys I shall, I love her very much and trully want the best for her, and it pains me to do this, but I know this is best for her especially, and for me as well.
     
  5. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Hang in there brother.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2005
  6. MIK3

    MIK3 New Member

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    wow, did you take that from my last relationship?

    thats so crazy. sounds just like me.

    but like me you did the same thing as me, i got out of the relationship to help myself become me again. i did everything i could to please her and in the mean time i forgot what it was to be myslef and put myself first.

    it hurt but i learned alot and moved on.
     
  7. MIK3

    MIK3 New Member

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    applause! well said
     
  8. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Its good to know others have gone through this.
     
  9. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    How long was the relationship?
     
  10. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Not extremely long, almost 2 years, but we spent almost every day together, she lives 5mins away from me.
     
  11. MapleLeaf

    MapleLeaf New Member

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    And today my 18 mos relationship ended for very similar reasons. Tonight I am sad and hurt, but not devastated or real emotional about it... I just remember that life goes on and this feeling shall pass.
     
  12. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    :werd:

    You never know what can happen in the future and what ever is meant to be shall happen... All I know is its time for us to grow and in friendship we can accomplish more during these times.
     
  13. dfunk

    dfunk New Member

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    Well check this out. When I broke up with my girl, I told her i still wanted to be friends, becuase we were friends before we hooked up. However, she is totally trying to erase me from her life. She didn't pick up her phone when i called on Thanksgiving, she didn't return the call after i left a voicemail, she deleted me from online sites such as myspace and facebook, and she is telling everyone that she's not hurt and is actually relieved. Well, if you are relieved, why in the hell are you doing all of these things? Can't we be friends? That's the part that hurts me. Bullshit.
     
  14. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Its hard for her.. she's choosing the easiest way to move on, to forget you... You have to understand this, its nothing against you, its her way of protecting herself, and im sure you dont want her to be in more pain.....
     
  15. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Why would she want to be friends with someone that dumped her? She is doing the smart thing by cutting you out of her life so that she can get over you and move on. She shouldn't have to sit home all day feeling depressed because you aren't together anymore. You are being selfish by wanting to keep her around as a friend.
     
  16. dfunk

    dfunk New Member

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    I thought about all this and you're right. I sent her an email yesterday saying that its cool with me if we just stay away from eachother.

    However, we share common friends. What do I do when I see her in the crowd? Just remain quiet or say hi? What if she's with some other guy?
     
  17. maybeitsyou

    maybeitsyou New Member

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    whoa, my relationship is like that now. my gf lives 5 min away from me and we see each other every day but we've only been going out for 1 yr and 2 months
     

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