SRS overcoming shyness

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by AzGuy79, Jan 13, 2006.

  1. AzGuy79

    AzGuy79 OT Supporter

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    im almost 20 years old. i have never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, anything like that. whenever i get into social situations, i tense up and get really nervous around them. i dont know why, i have just always been like that. i just cannot talk to girls. my friends try to force me into situations with other girls and i just get really uncomfortable and clam up. is there anything that i can do to help break me of this? im just so tired of being alone/ without a girlfriend. i really dont even want a girlfriend for sex and stuff like that. i just want someone there that i can talk to whenever i need to. is that wrong? im just so lost and confused. is there any help/hope for me?
     
  2. Nanook

    Nanook New Member

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    I was helped out by a job that forced me to interact with people. :dunno:

    For me, "ignoring my brain" has helped. Basically I over-though, over-analyzed everything I did or said. So If i'm going to talk to someone, I don't think about it, I just go DO IT otherwise i'll just completely clam up. Just jumping right in the fire without time to dwell on it helps me out.:hs:
     
  3. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    As scary as that sounds, it's pretty true. I am an instinctively, shy, introverted, loner, myself, and I have just learned over the years how to bring the outgoing, secure, facet of myself to the surface.
    A big part of that is facing the fear itself, and getting yourself through it.
    Go in small steps that YOU decide you can handle, and as you are comfortable with each step, move on to the next. For example to start maybe you could go to a bookstore or library or something and just be present where there are people around for 5 minutes, or 10 or 15, etc. then when you are cool with that, maybe the next step would be to make a point to make eye contact with ONE person, and just smile very briefly. The next step could be to say Hello to someone out in public, etc.....KWIM?
    There are books out there about overcoming shyness, perhaps learning to meditate prior to a "scary event" could also help. Maybe even hypnosis might help. There is ALWAYS hope for people in these situations.
    Don't expect it to happen overnight, and don't get down on yourself if you have a "relapse", just let it go, and start back again. Shoot, I am 35 years old and I still have those "relapses"especially where security is concerned, I hate to look stupid, and I frequently struggle with the idea that no matter what I do or say, everyone thinks I look stupid or act stupid, etc. (My dad used to call me names "shit for brains" etc. and was often hypercritical,so I think that's at least partly where I get it from)
    It's okay. You are young still and you CAN master your shyness. The sooner you start, the better, and you don't have to be "ON" all the time, give yourself some "introvert time" regularly, because that is still part of who you are.
    Best wishes. :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2006
  4. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    Put yourself in a situation where the girls have the guys outnumbered 10/1. Go to poetry readings, or take a pilats class. They will come to you.
     
  5. shankems2000

    shankems2000 If you read everybody's user text and location, yo

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    You're just going to have to force yourself to start talking to them man. Think about it, what do you have to lose? If they don't like you, then fuck 'em. You'll simply have to expose yourself to them so that you start to feel comfortable around them and it will become easier as time goes on. THERE IS NO WAY AROUND THIS!!
     
  6. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    ALCOHOL (not too much though ;))
     
  7. AmeliaDaTero

    AmeliaDaTero blue flowers

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    i'm like that too, but not quite as bad. When I got a job and was forced to talk to customers a lot, I eased up a little
     
  8. nezfotnemom

    nezfotnemom OT Supporter

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    you are me to the T.. like my boss always tells me, you gotta swing to get a home run.. and you may strike out 5000 times, but its worth it when you hit that home run finally.. or even a single :)
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I always say to myself ' they have more reason to be afraid of me, then i of them' , that way i can overcome anything. Job interviews,gf's,meetings,whatever'. I can only say it works for me :dunno: you might want to give it a try.

    Along with that you might want to read the DJ bible on getting girls in the asylum wisdome? :wavey:
     
  10. AzGuy79

    AzGuy79 OT Supporter

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    yes, its only when it comes to girls. i am a manager at a convienence store, so i interact with people for up to 10 hours a day. i can talk to other guys without a problem. i just clam up when i am around girls. and on that friend part, i do have a really good male friend, but that does not fill the void that talking to a good female friend can.
     
  11. waffler

    waffler Errrbuddy in this bitch get tipsy

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    all day at work all i talk to is girls 8hrs a day! all i work with is girls but for some reason im always shy around girls its fucking weird
     
  12. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Thats not too far off, though. I find that I have no aprehension whatsoever to deal with people (girls/guys, doesn't matter) in and on a professional level, but the minute it gets personal, I tense up a bit and have to remind myself to just chill. :bigthumb:
     
  13. Coconut Endo

    Coconut Endo OT Supporter

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    Start by talking to girls you aren't attracted to. Learn to make good conversation and make her feel good, and work your way toward the girls you're interested in.
     
  14. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    meh, usually you just have to realize you have nothing to loose. something funny pop into your head just blurt it out. girls love guys who are comfortable in a discussion. i know how you feel, you think you dont have anything good to say or maybe its not good enough or worth it to try saying it. more or less your life sucks and you know it, you have absolutely NOTHING to loose. a girl will always spend time with a guy who talks over one who doesnt, even if he is lame and his jokes are unfunny. as long as you have a connection to a girl through some sort of contact, its a start, work on having fun with the convo instead of just starring at her like :noes:
    90% of the time the quiet ones are the best ones in the convo. stuff a sock in your pants and get some self esteem built up.
     
  15. snowboard_queen

    snowboard_queen New Member

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    Just pretend the gurls are guys....like the whole "if your speaking in front of a huge crowd...then picture them naked"...you know....i am not quite sure that method would work....but hey it's worth a try...
     
  16. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    you dont wanna give him a boner while he's talking :naughty:
     
  17. snowboard_queen

    snowboard_queen New Member

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    lol...true...very true
     
  18. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    :naughty: :rofl:
     

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