SRS Outgrowing Friendships

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Vixxen, Aug 14, 2008.

  1. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2006
    Messages:
    1,442
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    just around the corner
    Have any of you outgrown close friends?

    I stopped talking to a really close friend of mine a couple of months ago- for no particular reason. I just stopped initiating conversation and I didn't get any phone calls or messages trying to reach out to me and we just stopped speaking altogether. Now I feel like distancing myself from another friend as well. This is a bit weird for me because I'm usually a people person but lately, people are just getting on my nerves :ugh: I don't even know if I'm outgrowing friends or just people altogether..
     
  2. Mint

    Mint Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    5,208
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southern Cali
    Yeah - welcome to life. Where your life is your house and many people will enter and exit like fly's.

    As you get older, your priorities will change, your lifestyle will change, your expectations, goals and so forth.

    As this happens the common ground between some friendships diminish, and people grow distant from one another.

    Might be sad, you might not give a crap. But its life.
     
  3. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    ive done it with one group, and am in the process of doing it with another

    i still occationally talk to my old friends, i care about their wellbeing and i wish them the best, but they just have totally different ideas on life than i do at this point in my life. its easier to only see them or talk to the sometimes than to keep a close bond when we have nothing in common

    it can be sad, but you have to remember that you dont have to stop talking to these people altogether. you just create a little distance and start doing your own thing
     
  4. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2007
    Messages:
    10,437
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    The Prarie State/The Hoosier State
    yea it sucks but life goes on one way or the other so i figure move on
     
  5. camrytt

    camrytt Sexual Deviant

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2004
    Messages:
    4,379
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Raleigh,NC/Tampa, FL
    Yea its pretty typical. All the people that were my best of friends in highschool are pretty much memories now. I joined the army, was stationed 70 miles from home, and none of them would call me or send me emails/mail. I'd go home every weekend and hang out with them, but as time went on we drifted apart. Like others have said, its life, and it hurts. But you'll meet new friends, eventually.

    Honestly its hard though. Especially as a guy. how do you ask another dude if he wants to hang out? :rofl:
     
  6. RockDaBoat

    RockDaBoat New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2007
    Messages:
    1,037
    Likes Received:
    0
    When I left grade school for highschool I lost contact with everyone but maybe 3 people...

    When I left highschool for university, I lost contact with everyone but maybe 6 people...

    When I left university, I lost contact with most people...

    When I think about it, I get kinda sentimental and wish I had kept in close contact touch, but that's the way life goes.

    The way I see it is that I have my close circle of friends who I will do things with most days/weekends. Then I have an outer circle, who I'll catch up with once a month or so... then I'll have my friendly acquaintances/old friends who I'll bump into and arrange a one off catch up and I won't see them again for maybe another couple of months, a year, whatever.


    Oh and zahirzoooma, c'mon, get a life. When (if...) you and your girl call it quits your world will collapse because you've based everything around her!
     
  7. RockDaBoat

    RockDaBoat New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2007
    Messages:
    1,037
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know what you mean, I got to know my curent best bud because we walked home from work and I asked would he want to go for a pint and a game of pool, from there it turned into a regular thing... But I couldn't imagine chatting to a guy in a club, at a party, or on the street and asking him to go for a drink with me. :mamoru:
     
  8. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2008
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was generally friendly with most people in my HS class, but now that I'm at college, I only really talk to maybe like 6-10 of them regularly and have really only hung out much with like 4-5 of them since school ended. I've come to accept that it will happen, and it might hurt at first, but you'll get over it as long as you keep yourself busy. Social networking sites like facebook make it easier to check up on people even if they move all across the world. That's primarily how I'm checking up on my old HS friends.
     
  9. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2008
    Messages:
    11,768
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    This is the place
    I have dropped a lot of my friends. I don't talk to anyone that I met in HS anymore. I have three really close friends that I met outside of HS (but during my HS years) that I still talk to/hang out with on a regular basis; hell, one of them is my roommate/boss ha.

    zahirjooma, thats not a TERRIBLE idea, but be careful. I did the same thing with my girlfriend>fiance>wife...she was the center of my world. But when the divorce comes make sure that you can still go back to your friends. Mine were very understanding so be careful they don't blow you off like you are doing/wanting to do to them.
     
  10. iny0urfav0r

    iny0urfav0r New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2008
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know exactly how youre feeling. This has been happening with two of my best friends latley. I think that if you care enough about the relationship then maybe you want to try to talk to them. Maybe they are feeling the same way that you are but think that you dont want to talk to them.

    I know that everyone gets busy in life and as you grow up and get into relationships, it seems harder to keep up with the friends that matter the most.
     
  11. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2004
    Messages:
    8,258
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UC Santa Cruz
    its happened to me many times in my life.

    the thing thats really bothering me lately is my best friend of 8 years got a girlfriend and now doesnt talk to me anymore, or well very rarely.

    i want to say something but i cant.

    its worse cause his girlfriend isnt friendly at all and i've known her longer than i've known him. i've tried to be nice and friendly and inviting with her but everytime she just gives me the cold shoulder and brushes me off.
     
  12. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2006
    Messages:
    1,442
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    just around the corner
    I care very much about these relationships, but I guess I feel like I'm always the one trying or reaching out.

    :squint:
     
  13. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2006
    Messages:
    1,442
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    just around the corner
    By the way, thanks for responding. It IS life, I know, but it's nice to come here and get other people's thoughts
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2008
  14. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    45,982
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    TX
    i outgrew some friendships but definitely will continue keeping in touch with the friends that matter (aka my best friends)
     
  15. iny0urfav0r

    iny0urfav0r New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2008
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    I definitly know how that goes. In that reguards, I'm not sure then. It sucks SO much when you feel like youre the only one thats trying and then youre not sure if its worth it.
     
  16. Maximumjmz

    Maximumjmz New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2007
    Messages:
    598
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    N.Y.C.

    Yup this is a problem for me too.
     
  17. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,957
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    That's how it was for me after high school. Those who I failed to initiate contact with but were always trying to reach me I lost touch with. Those who I tried to reach but didn't make efforts back I also lost touch with.
     
  18. Japan Four

    Japan Four Guest

    i know this feeling
     
  19. Maffy29

    Maffy29 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2004
    Messages:
    7,799
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Pittsburgh, PA
    I find my friend numbers dwindling too. I've been moving around all over the state for work (temp to permanent to a promotion) on top of getting ready to go to Iraq for a little while. My main group of friends is all over now too. Two have moved to Washington DC for a jobs another is in that area too, but for an internship. I have a few close friends (who are married with children) who still live in my parents area, so I see them whenever I can. I miss having that group to go to the bar with.
     
  20. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2008
    Messages:
    136
    Likes Received:
    0
    That's hilarious. What i find works best is if you ask if he wants to go "drink" or some other "manly" thing to do. Lots of guys are homophobes so you can't ask if he wants to "hang out".

    Also, if you have a hobby or activity you can ask him if he wants to "come with".

    lol

    But yeah, your not alone. I have noticed that people almost just "drift" into my life and then just as easily "drift" out. If you want to actually reach your goals you're gonna have to do things, usually, solo. So don't be bumbed, just enjoy your time everyone you meet and enjoy the "ride" as you go through life.
     
  21. Bob from Marketing

    Bob from Marketing OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    29,609
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    A traveler of both time and space
    Haven't talked to my best friend of 22 years since July 3rd...

    This was a friend that I saw everyday...shit is tough
     
  22. Candace Spencer

    Candace Spencer Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    18,265
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    I am in the process of dropping friends. :hs:
     
  23. WingZer0

    WingZer0 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2006
    Messages:
    477
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    socal
    I"m thinking of dropping certian friends as I don't feel that they are actual "friends" anymore
     
  24. sploosh

    sploosh OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,348
    Likes Received:
    0
    I just had a son, and it seems that my friends, who are still single, are distancing themselves from me. Maybe when they get married and have kids i'll see them again. Also, now that i'm getting older, it seems like everyone is so much busier now.
     

Share This Page