SRS OT's opinion on "taking a break"

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by snoozeallday, Oct 18, 2007.

  1. snoozeallday

    snoozeallday OT Supporter

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    gf told me she wants to take a break. I told her I would rather just break up. We've been fighting a little more than usual lately, but nothing I thought was this bad. I caught her lying to me about hanging out with some guys, while she told me she was going to be at her moms. I dont really want to go into detail, because all the threads on this forum are really long.

    I guess I kind of just want to know your opinion on "taking a break". She says if I am going to break up with her bc of it, she doesnt want to take one. We've been together 3 years, btw.
     
  2. Kramp Easy Lube

    Kramp Easy Lube Cause = Time OT Supporter

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    Obviously it's different for everyone, but I would never go on a "break." I just think the chances of actually getting back together after one are slim and I don't think I would ever feel the same afterwards..
     
  3. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    i think thats just how it goes sometimes some people take breaks and come back some people dont
     
  4. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    My ex and I "took a break" twice. The third time (so far) has been permanent.

    It was never my decision though.
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    In my opinion, 99% of the time, when someone wants to "take a break" it really means "I want to go out and try to find someone else to be with. Or there's someone I already have in mind. If it doesn't work out with them, I'll come back to you...or I may come back to you if I am still chasing the other person but am feeling lonely".

    Breaks, to me, mean that the person is lowering you on their priority list. They want to keep you around as a security blanket or safety net...but if they get with that other person, they will forget about you.

    The bolded part spells it out clearly. She wants to go chase after other guys, but doesn't want to lose you.

    I see it as meaning she does not want to commit fully to you, but does not want to break it off completely with you.

    My question to you is: Why would you want to be her backup/safety net/second best on her list.

    Break up with her. The seer fact that she brought this up means she is not willing to commit fully to you. So why be with her?
     
  6. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    I once took a break with my ex. The second time around it was a break-up. It depends on the 2 people, sometimes a break is all you need. Some people get back together, some don't.
     
  7. eu4ia

    eu4ia Active Member

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    id only go on a break if it was clear that we were still exclusive. if she needs a break to think about things thats fine, if she wants an excuse to go see what else is out there and hook up with someone without having to feel guilty, thats not ok
     
  8. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    yea i agree with everyone else.. pretty much if a girl wants to go on a "break" it generally means either they are lookin for , or found someone else, but arent sure how its gonna turn out..

    a lil from my story.. a couple months back me and the GF (1.5 years into a serious relationship) are fighting a lot , i end up movin back home to get my finances straight , but we were still together, she starts going out more , since im not around. and sooner or later she wants to be "friends" now while she gets her life straightened out... I try to be supportive and be there for her , since i truly loved her...

    next thing i know last weekend she took off from RI , and went up to some guy In New Hampshire's place for the weekend , but insists they are just friends and nothing is goin on..

    im pretty sure its bullshit... just gettin myself in order and not really having a lot of contact with her.. till i can make a clean break on this one.....
     
  9. jones21

    jones21 Uranium Member

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    5 blacks are usually always involved in breaks. just end it like you wanted
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Bottomline: YOU DONT WANT TO BE WITH A LIAR!

    Also you always have to make sure you are her nr.1 in life and vice versa, you deserve nothing less. Arguing is like poison to any relationship, if both of you keep giving a swing to that wheel of hatred the arguing will never stop, so make sure you only put love and light into eachothers lives.
     
  11. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    Sometimes girls say that want to take breaks to see if the guy is going to fight to save the relationship. Other times, most times, it's a cowards way of getting distance and detaching from their SO very slowly so it's less painful. Either way, breaks are never good.

    Personally, my attitude towards relationship is you're either 100% in and trying to make it work, or you're out.
     
  12. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    Manipulative whores.

    Sorry, but if you can't tell that I'm giving everything I have to the relationship, what could I possible do to convince you?
     
  13. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I don't think you can completely blame girls, I've known guys who have done this as well. It's basically a person's way of taking a step back and seeing if the other people fights for them. It's an insure way to handle things and I don't agree with it, but I can see why sometimes people want to know that their SO is going to want to save the relationship and not let them go.
     
  14. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    I suppose. I just don't see why people can't be completely honest.
     
  15. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I think sometimes people think that their SO says all the right things when the two people talk, but wonder if they would actually back it up. I dated a guy that said a lot of the right things but when it came down to actually backing it up (he said he'd never let me go, etc but then didn't want to put in the work to fix a problem HE created...he was just like, "well ok then, bye" when I told him I didn't think it was going to work unless he really tried to win my trust back) so I can understand how people can wonder what their SO would do in that moment.

    That said, I don't agree with testing people. But I can understand the appeal of it.
     
  16. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    In that context it makes complete sense to me. I guess I'm just looking at it through my relationship lense in which I did everything imaginable, and not to prove something, just because that's who I am, and it wasn't worth it for her. So in that situation, it makes sense to me. If it's for the right reasons, I suppose, and to just play games with someone's emotions...
     
  17. Mangina

    Mangina New Member

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    TRUTH!
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sounds like it is over. Girls who initiate breaks tend to use them to their advantage by talking to whatever guys they have any thing for and then sometimes going back to her original bf as a security blanket. But to me it sounds like your relationship is over anyway, so I say stick with just breaking up and move on.
     
  19. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    man..

    you want to break up because she was disrespectful and lying. that's the RIGHT thing to do.

    she wants to take a break so she can follow up what she was being disrespectful and lying about while keeping you around to "come back to". WRONG thing to do.

    get with it son, break it off. done. move on. next!
     
  20. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    :wiggle: More RI peeps ^_^! We need a meat!
     
  21. snoozeallday

    snoozeallday OT Supporter

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    She said she thought taking a break would be good for us because we see each other so much. I asked her if she planned on hanging out/seeing some other people, and she said she didn't think thats what a break was. She said all she wanted to do was think about her life and get things in order, but that she wasn't going to see anyone else and still wanted to be with me.

    I tried to break it off. We both got a little emotional. She asked me not to and said that if I didn't think a break would help them then she didn't want to try it. She said she would rather just try and work things out.

    dono
     
  22. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    Try this one.. I talk to my Girl for a bit today.. she was like.. i cant find my house keys.. can i have yours.. since you dont live there anymore anyway ( yet im still on the lease , and have been paying the rent) so im like yea.. i got a spare set anyway..

    so we are talking back and forth.. she is like we are "just friends" now .. we had been trying to work it out for a bit. but its not goin well...

    so im like listen.. u want to take a break from us , to get ur life together thats fine.. but i have to know that we are still exclusive, and she should still show me the same love and respect

    so her response was well i dont hug and kiss my friends.. so dont expect that , im like thats fine.. but i dont pay for my friends car/insurance/cell phone/gas money/rent, so unless u can be exclusive with me , that will stop , and you can deal with it all yourself.. or tell me ur exclusive.. show me the love , appriciation and respect that i deserve.. or your done..

    waiting for her to call back with some kind of response..
     
  23. snoozeallday

    snoozeallday OT Supporter

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    Care to elaborate?
     
  24. Hym3n

    Hym3n New Member

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    I'm up the same shit creek right now man, and its not fun at all. I don't have a whole lot of insight, just another story to tell.

    Been with my gf for 18 months as of next week. We've been through it all. We fight more than most couples, but also love harder than most couples do. We're together all the time and are a huge part of each other's lives, whether fighting or not. Some say that it's a fucked way to live and love, but to us its the only way. That's simply how we've always been and we've always made due with that. If we ever went without fighting, we'd probably leave one another out of boredom. In some sadistic way, I think a large part of the reasons why I care for this girl so much is because she WILL call me out on my bullshit and put up a fight when a fight is due, unlike other girls I've dated that just sit back and take it, only to wind up cheating on you a couple months into it. Pass. [just don't argue this point, you aren't going to persuade me in another direction.]

    Anyways, she's a year younger than I and moved into Univ. this semester, living in the dorms for the first time. She's pretty antisocial and doesn't go out of her way to make friends, they more or less just pop up around her because she's very attractive. Since school started, she's become really stressed about school, work, parents (still controlling her every move), and lack of friends, not to mention our fights. We've been getting progressively worse, until this past Friday when she broke it off over an argument about sex. It wasn't so much THAT argument as much as it is a culmination of everything, which is understandable, but nothing that I can't change myself or help her to fix.

    We've been talking every day since, and she will still call me to tell me her problems and that she really wants to be with me, but just isn't ready stress-wise, and knows that I contribute to the stress a lot.

    Could she be interested in someone else as aforementioned? Yes, but I will never know that. I trust her 100%, but for some reason, this just doesn't seem right. In my eyes, when you're in a committed, long-term relationship, and you want things to work out, you work together and fix them. There's no need to split and then keep talking as though you're still together. Regardless, we've both said that we'll stay "exclusive" to each other, and honestly, my biggest fear is just like mentioned, that she's using this time to get to know someone else. Its hard to let it go when its someone you've held so close, told so much, and had so much compassion for. Time will tell.

    Good luck with everything man, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
     
  25. snoozeallday

    snoozeallday OT Supporter

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    appreciated the reply.
     

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