OT relationship/ coping advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by katatat, May 20, 2007.

  1. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    two years ago this upcoming saturday the 26th i had an abortion. i was at the age of 17. when i first found out that i was pregnant i had already made up my mind to not have it. the father-to-be was okay with this decision for he was only 18 and i was his first real girlfriend. fast forward to moden time: he is now my ex boyfriend, and we were on speaking terms up until recently. he decided that it was time for him to move on, and therefor we couldn't be friends, via no talking or seeing/hanging out with one another. around this time of year i tend to get emotional and cry about the entire thing. this time it is especially hard for he will not talk to me really. my boyfriend i currently have hasn't been in a situation as this so we both kind of feel that there isn't too much he can really do to help me when i have my crying spells.

    i really feel that the only person other than myself (which doesn't seem to work too well) that can help me is my ex boyfriend.


    what do i do.
     
  2. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    It looks to me that you need to chat with someone who has kinda been in the same boat as you correct?
     
  3. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    I think your thinking is slighty flawed... the only person who can help you is the one who was there with you when it happened? Not really, otherwise therapy and therapists would have no business and no credibility.

    Sometimes the person who went through it with you is the worst person to talk to because they think they know everything about what happend (i.e. "I was there too, I know what you went through") when in realilty, you have changed over the past two years and your feelings on the situation have grown too.

    Give your new boyfriend a chance, and really, move on from the ex. He can't help you, the only person who can help you is you.

    Your priorities:

    1) Why are you still crying about this? What did you really lose? Why does it make you sad?

    2) How can you get beyond these feelings and ideas? What else in your life can you focus on instead of events in the past?

    3) What do you really get out of talking and being with your ex, and why does it feel bad to you for him to be moving on?

    Just things to think about.

    DA
     
  4. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    it isn't that i'm not ok with him moving on or anything. i just don't understand why it doesnt bother him like it used to, and it bothers me just as much if not more.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Pretty much sounds like you are just not over your ex. I mean I understand that the time of year would make you think about him, but want to talk and cry to him about the fact that you and him aborted your underage unwanted baby? Just doesn't seem right.

    You've also talked abohut your current boyfriend before and it is now apparent to me that you guys need to definitely work on your communication with one another.
     
  6. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    umm.. its because he's moved on. Thats what moving on is and it's time for you to really work on doing it. Of course its easier to say then to do, but you really have to at least start thinking in terms of moving on. It may not be easy to make the feelings go away, but right now on a very conscious and logical level you are still clinging to whats gone.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Exactly. You want to talk to your ex boyfriend because he understands, but more so because you can't and aren't trying to move on without him. He's already started moving on and I think the real issue is you are upset that he's moving on...You can't wonder and worry over the fact that he might not be upset over this same day.
     
  8. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    he hasn't moved on. if he had moved on then he wouldn't make himself not talk to me and set a time limit. also, i know that i never will really get completely over him and am able to identify and admit that. but the abortion is something that i'm not gonna get over any time soon. he has not been in a relationship with anyone since him and i have broken up over a year ago. hasn't had sex with anyone else (or so he says). i've dated and slept with a person shortly after we broke up. AND began a long relationship with my current bf. so it isn't that i have or have not moved on, or that he has or hasn't. i know that it bothers me that it doesnt bug him like it bugs me and THAT is what gets to me, because i'm over here crying about it and he's over there hanging out with his friends probably getting stoned or drunk.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It doesn't really sound like you should be in a relationship.
     
  10. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    i know that a relationship isn't nec. something i NEED right now, but at the same time it does help me. my boyfriend is always there for me. it is just hard when it comes to this whole chapter of my life because it isn't something he is familiar with and can identify with. my current boyfriend, i'm his first real relationship/girlfriend. his other gf's that he had never last past 3 months, and we are way passed that. i just feel in a way that i'm not being fair to my current bf because i know deep down that i'll never (at least not any time soon) get over him completely, and that isn't fair to him. but i also think that my bf probably already knows that. i try not to talk about my past relationship and ex bf if at all to my current one. like i say to my bf all the time "i'm a broken mess"
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It's not very fair at all. When I read your first sentence I was shocked because you said it all right there. You aren't really in this relationship. You might say you think he knows you're not completely invested in the relationship, but who knows. I really just don't see the point of it. It more sounds like you need to sort your personal issues by yourself, because you aren't even using your boyfriend as any kind of support system.
     
  12. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    if my bf doesn't know that i am not completely over my ex, then is only because i haven't come out and said it. i do love my current boyfriend. he is a great person, and i don't wanna hurt him. but sometimes my past gets to me when i know that i shouldn't let it. i know that i'm a weak person. i don't like the person i am today as opposed to the person i was two years ago. i'm not even remotely the same. and that bugs me more than anything out of all of this. i am unhappy with who i am today and feel that i let things screw me over that i shouldn't have and inevitably has resulted in the person i dont wanna be today.


    the happiness that i felt with my ex is something totally different than what i feel with my current boyfriend.
     
  13. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    and it sucks cuz at some point i had moved on pretty much didn't think or talk to him. but one day i think he called me or something and it was downhill off and on from there.
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd:
     
  15. DarkAngel19

    DarkAngel19 New Member

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    This is gospel.

    /Thread
     

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