SRS OT please help!! Suicidal friend....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mel my finger, Sep 14, 2005.

  1. mel my finger

    mel my finger New Member

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    hey asylum crew, i really need your help on this one...

    a friend of mine from middle school is having it really hard now...lost her job, lost her apartment, lost her license & car...

    her boyfriend was having it hard when they first met, so she took him under her wing and helped him find a job (at the place she was working), got him a place to stay and all....but then the guy got her fired, evicted, messed around with her sister (so now she doesn't even talk to her anymore), and even took some of her money.

    that one guy pushed her over the edge...he mouthed off on her saying she's hopeless, pathetic and "no one would give a damn if you were dead."

    a little background on her: she's slept around, did stripping for a while, tried slitting her wrists a few years back, did a lot of drugs...she just recently has been rehabing on her heroin problem.

    well, the other night she tried overdosing...but thankfully she just puked it all up.

    she's in arizona and i'm in cali. she's been keeping in touch with my bestfriend in SD (he's definltely the one that she's emotionally closest to). he told me about it so i talked to her on the phone (for the first time in like 4 years).

    i kept telling her that she can still get thru this, and that a lot of us from back home (that haven't talked to her in years) still care about her...and that it hurts us to hear her hurting herself...

    she kept saying that yeah she's had it hard but "you can only handle so much."

    her parents flew in to see her but i'm not really sure how much they're helping...i don't think she's all that close to them anyways...(btw, they're the ones that took her car keys). other than that, she doesn't have anyone else physically close to her.

    i told her that i'm gonna drive down to see her tomorrow and i made her promise that she wouldn't do anything in the meantime. my bestfriend is gonna drive up from SD to my place and we'll roadtrip to her from there...hopefully we can help her out...

    if any of you guys have some advice or experience on this, please please please tell me.

    CLIFFS: childhood friend in AZ has had a troubled life; tried committing suicide for the second time in like 6 years; my buddy and i are gonna roadtrip from cali to AZ tomorrow...need advice.
     
  2. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Call her parents. Call somebody close to her, because she sounds like she needs help NOW! Possibly call her doctor/hospital/police if you really think she is going to overdose. It is better off having a friend pissed off at you for saving their life, than to have her dead because her suicide attempt was successful.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    This is all the fault of that so called bf of her. What you need to do is to convince her that he is a bag of ungratefull shit and that she shouldn't listen to what he says. (tell her how wonderfull she is , how many people love her ,how you would get hurted if she did anything to herself(positive things and people that do love her)) Also convince her to go to a counseller/psychiatrist as she definitly is 'over the edge' i would talk talk talk her out of it. But thats usually not enough ,help her find a job and maby a place to stay, into 'glueing' her life back together. Tell her that she is her own judge in life, and tell him he's not worth it and she shouldn't let this horrible guy 'get to her into going crazy'.

    She needs to stay 'out of trouble' , she is unstable so for now no more 'bf's ,bad relationships nor bad enviroments where she can get into trouble/do drugs. Show her that people do care about her, and where she can recover.

    discretely e-mail her these websites. =/ if she still has e-mail.

    http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
    http://www.near-death.com/experiences/suicide04.html
    http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf (a book that saved me from suicide)

    Give her this suicide hotline number. So she can call someone in discretion when she feels horrible.

    http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

    Keep telling her how much as a friend you love her, diminish the horrors from her life, talk positive , show her how beautifull life can be. Get rid in her life of the destructive things, and only keep the positive constructive things in. People that care and love her, anyone who considers her as trash should stay out of her life. Put light and love in her life as much as you can.

    http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm This is for you which you can read
    http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.suicide.html some more information.

    Be strong for her, i love that you stand up so strong for your friend :hug:
     
  4. mel my finger

    mel my finger New Member

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    thanks D, those links are really helpful.

    i'm still hella nervous about the whole situation. i'm heading out to her place tomorrow morning with my buddy.

    its hard thinking of what to say though. like the links say that i shouldn't be so quick to give advice and solutions, but at the same time i should try to convince her to seek help.

    ...i'm so nervous...i'll be praying tonight and hope for the best.
     
  5. rookie

    rookie New Member

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    definitely a recipe for disaster... she needs help. fast.
     
  6. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    she definately has a real problem that she needs to deal with. I highly suspect she has a seirous case of depression because she seems to be masking everything with drugs/violence.

    she's not attempting suicide because she's bitter, she's doing it because she's seriously depressed and needs serious help.

    This will come out more as she stays off heroin, but someone there needs to do something about that SOON.
     
  7. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    "Sewerside"...that's what I call it...when one is so down...looking up all one sees is the sewer. I have been there. I can and do relate.
    Your friend obviously needs help and is crying out desperately for it.
    Professionals help some...medication...I don't know because your friend is in rehab, so I cannot address that.
    I hope she will be lucky enough to find a friend (and I hope it is you...I still have your "Perfection" on my office wall) that will enable her to finally make sense of things...to give her hope when hope seems scarce, to give her love when it feels as though love is non-existent, and be there for her to lean on...it is a very difficult time for her...hug her tight, LISTEN, LISTEN SOME MORE, and definately be non-judgemental. Her hurting is immediate and all encompassing.
    "Maar Zlelepijn" (Soul Pain)...is the worse pain possible, and one's capacity for carrying it inside is astounding...
    I hope you ignite the spark that will keep this person from destroying herself. It takes just one spark...one little spark...to change one's thinking from death to life...
    I hope your friend can grab ahold of that spark. I really do.
    Be there for her. Just be there for her...and no matter how emotionally charged it gets and you feel that you cannot handle it...handle it...because you may very well be the only person she trusts and reaches out to. It is a huge burden, but one that should be undertaken with love, patience, strength and all things positive.
    I'll be thinking of you today and your friend...and my heart goes out to her and I am sending you good thoughts.
    I applaud your compassion.
    Please keep us posted.
     
  8. mel my finger

    mel my finger New Member

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    okay, here's an update:

    thursday -- after an 8 hour roadtrip we finally got to her (parent's) place in arizona. everything about her -- the look in her eyes, the firmness of her hug, the way she'd hold my hand -- everything throughout the whole weekend said "thank you so much." her parents were even stoked to see me and my buddy, mike. they constantly reminded us how important it was for chelsea to see us.

    we spent an hour in her backyard talking. she filled us in on some of her recent troubles, particularly about her DUIs and driver's license getting revoked. she didn't talk much about her ex (i'm thinking now that maybe i should've talked about him more)...but on the brightside, she was also telling us exactly what she needs to do to get her license back. once she has that back, she'll be in better shape for getting back into school and/or a job.

    the rest of the night we looked over a big box of photos and scrapbooks that we brought from home. looking thru the pictures, talking about the good 'ol days....i thought it was a good way of cheering her up.

    i'm not sure if this is really significant to the whole situation but she smoked us out towards the end of the night....i dunno, was that a dumb thing to do considering her heroin addiction problems?

    when we passed out, we all shared the same bed. half of the night she was cuddled with mike, then the other half she was cuddling with me. nothing sexual, just completely pure, innocent TLC.

    friday -- she went to driving school in the morning while mike and i slept in. we spent the rest of the day just hanging out. went to the mall for a bit, but basically just came back home and hung out. she seemed happy throughout the whole day.

    same as the night before, we smoked a bowl and passed out on the same bed.

    saturday -- saturday was a little dramatic. she went out with her mom in the morning to take care of some errands. when they got back to the house, i thought she was still taking care of errands but evidently she called up her ex instead. she sat down next to us and just started crying. we comforted her for a good long while. i tried getting her to ventilate whats going on her mind but basically she just said the same stuff as before:

    we told her that he's an ungrateful sack of shit and that she deserves better...but other than that, mike and i had no idea what else to say. we just tried to empathize with her.

    "i want to go home with you guys for a few days. i'll ask my dad for a one-way ticket back here." i wanted to be supportive but i also wanted to do the right thing...so i just ended up giving her the ambiguous answer, "whatever is best for you."

    her dad walked in and she popped the question....obviously he wasn't very pleased with the idea so chelsea went to the other room to talk to him about it. after negotiating like civilized people (honestly, i was kinda expecting a very loud, dramatic exchange of words), they agreed that after she finishes her driving school stuff, her dad will buy her a round-trip ticket to visit us.

    sometime after that she was like "lets go get some drinks. i have some friends that work at a pool bar. we can go eat, swim and have some drinks for free...then you guys can take off from there."

    it sounded like a plan but then her dad dragged her to the side to talk...her mom privately told us that pool bar was the place where chelsea used to work, and where ryan (the bastard ex) currently works. after chelsea and her dad finished talking, i asked her about her ex working there. "yeah he does but he's not working today."

    so we get to the pool and have lunch. i jump in and start playing water basketball with the kids while chelsea and mike talk over some pina coladas.

    mike eventually jumps in to play water basketball. sometime during the game we noticed chelsea talking to some guy. i called her over and she told me that's her friend, brett. i was thinkin to myself "okay, he's probably just a mutual friend of chelsea and ryan...and she's just getting some advice from him."

    half an hour later i see her all depressed in the jazuzzi. mike and i go over to comfort her...we started thinkin that maybe that brett guy was actually ryan, the ex...and then her parents came by and confirmed it for us.

    chelsea then told us that she wanted to stay at the pool bar so her friend could take her home. her mom whispered to me, "hell no." i told chelsea that i wanted to go back to the house so i could shower before i hit the road.

    during the car ride back, she was having a fight with ryan over the phone. apparently he was pissed at her for bringing us there...but chelsea kept emphasizing how mike and i had no idea who he was. they're just going back and forth and its slowly becoming obvious that those pina coladas from earlier are finally catching up to her.

    i get back to her place and take a quick shower. we started wrapping up and saying our goodbyes...but by this time, chelsea is piss drunk. when she said bye to me, it was kinda scary because she made it sound like it was a permanent goodbye.

    "i will always love you...you'll always be remembered for being there for me like this..."

    i'm seriously thinkin' that she's implying another suicide attempt and that these are her final words to me. i kept reinforcing how i'll see her once she upholds her driving school promise with her dad.

    late saturday, early sunday -- mike and i arrive to my place. around 3 in the morning, i get the following text message:

    a bit later i get another:

    after thoughts -- it really really really helped her to see us. she's always been in contact with mike but it really meant a lot to her that i also went out of my way to visit her. i wanted her to know that even though i haven't contacted her in 4 years, she's still someone that i care about. she's knows this now.

    her parents know that chelsea has a lot to do to get her life straightened out. chelsea doesn't realize it but all of her stuff has a great affect on the rest of her family. mike and i exchanged contact info with her parents so we could all keep in touch and stay updated on chelsea's progress.

    as far as i know, she's not seeing a psychiatrist or anything right now...she's just working on getting her driver's license back. that really worries me...someone's gonna have to find a way to get her interested in getting professional help. her parents attempting to force the issue probably won't do any good...maybe mike and i will figure out a way to get to her.

    one thing i'm reflecting on is how all of us smoked out at the end of the day. was that a dumb idea considering she's a rehabbing heroin addict?
     
  9. Vay

    Vay New Member

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    Well you did the right thing being there to help her and being her friend. Though the smoking part might not be the best of idea right this second.
     
  10. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Smoking Marijuana with a depressed person is idiotic. It will only make their depression worse.

    Smoking Marijuana with a recovering drug addict is idiotic. THC is a drug. Duh.

    Doublt Whammy Major Stupidity

    Other than that, way to be there for her ;)
     
  11. mel my finger

    mel my finger New Member

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    yeah, i deserve a :slap: for not saying anything when she busted out the weed. her rationalization is that her heroine addiction is a lot worse than just a casual bowl of weed.

    anyways, it sounds like she's doing a lot better. she called me last night and mike earlier this today. we'll be keeping in touch with her regularly.

    one of our mutual friends is having a wedding just outside of arizona next month. all three of us as well as several others from back home will be there. i think it'll be a good thing to be in a big crowd of familiar faces. one thing i'm really really worried about is the wedding is open bar...

    chelsea's depression + reunion of old friends + open bar = :dunno:
     
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    To me its clear now that yes the guy is the source of all her problems so, 'he's gotta go' i would have a talk with her mother, tell her to forbid her to see this guy any more, Tell her about her going into drugs as a result of the misery that she experience with this guy, how he treated her daughter with disrespect, then tell her mother how she has become suicidal as a result of that, and that 'said between you and her, you think she immediatly needs councelling' . If you manage to talk to her mother between 4 eyes in confidentiality ,and speak of this to her mother , then im sure the alarmbells will start rinkling with any conserned parent, and she will be forced to ditch this guy and go into rehab along with councelling. She needs your support Mel, try to slow down with the whole drug/smoke thing. Instead of (yeah lets do it) go more something like ( i dont feel like it, its pretty much fake happyness ) we already did it and i know it by now. Basically giving her an idea that normal people get fed up with the same stuff over and over again.
     
  13. Wildwood*Flower

    Wildwood*Flower New Member

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    Im willing to bet the boyfriend was not the start of her problems. What is her father like? Her biological father that is.
     
  14. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I feel i have to call you out here because your analysis shows an amazing lack of insight.

    Her boyfriend made her a junky with emotional problems? How can you possibly reach that conclusion? What sort of a person chooses to be with a bad boyfriend anyway... what, an emotionally healthy person? Can I get a 1980s... NOT?

    Sheesh
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2005
  15. mel my finger

    mel my finger New Member

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    thanks for the feedback, D.

    one thing about her parents is she pretty much takes them for granted. chelsea is at the point in her life where she feels that anything her parents say (especially her mom) is just nagging; she'll just disregard what they say, pretty much. i'll probably call her parents and fill them in on things, but as far as getting her parents to take action, i'm not sure how well chelsea will respond to them. :dunno:

    at this point it seems that the only people she'll really listen to is me and mike. her dad has some leverage because he is chelsea's only source of money right now...but comparing him to me and mike, our words weigh a lot more. its flattering but also at the same time its scary...it makes me so nervous because i have to be careful with exactly what i say, know what i mean?

    W*F, to answer your question her dad is a great guy. he was my grade school principle back in my small hometown. gossip spreads like wildfire there and as far back as i can remember, there's never been any dirt on him (nor the mother). i listen to loveline a lot and i could just see dr. drew & adam corolla looking at the same track as you...but honestly -- unless its a really really well kept secret -- her parents are fine. she has a little sister and she's not anywhere close to having a troubled life as chelsea.
     

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