SRS OT i need help

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by katatat, May 20, 2007.

  1. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    two years ago this upcoming saturday the 26th i had an abortion. i was at the age of 17. when i first found out that i was pregnant i had already made up my mind to not have it. the father-to-be was okay with this decision for he was only 18 and i was his first real girlfriend. fast forward to moden time: he is now my ex boyfriend, and we were on speaking terms up until recently. he decided that it was time for him to move on, and therefor we couldn't be friends, via no talking or seeing/hanging out with one another. around this time of year i tend to get emotional and cry about the entire thing. this time it is especially hard for he will not talk to me really. my boyfriend i currently have hasn't been in a situation as this so we both kind of feel that there isn't too much he can really do to help me when i have my crying spells.

    i really feel that the only person other than myself (which doesn't seem to work too well) that can help me is my ex boyfriend.


    what do i do.
     
  2. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    It looks to me that you need to chat with someone who has kinda been in the same boat as you correct?
     
  3. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    well it isn't so much that. i just get upset and i wish that i had him around to at least talk to me and calm me down. i think it still bugs me that it doesn't bug him much.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    *hugs* :hug:

    Well we are here for you, and my urgent suggestion for you is to seek theraphy and talk talk talk about it. The first thing is to try to forgive yourself for what happend. You know if your young you have so many things going on in your life meaning you've been totally unprepared for having a child in your life, later on when you have more room for this, the decision you made in the past starts nagging you, should i had the child, should i have done this or that. Its the matureness of your decision making which is very important. Decisions either create or destroy your life, so in the future you need to think 3 times before you make decisions like this, i feel that you made the decision while being emotionally unprepared for the impact of that decision. And because you are still emotional about it, i urge you to get theraphy and get your derailed life back on track. You see you need to have emotional stability before you can have mental stability, and that is why its so important to forgive yourself and have peace with the decision you have made, added importance also comes because it was a decision that can't be undone anymore, that's why its all the more important that you have peace with the past, otherwhise you can't progress in a decent manner without going mentally insane into the future.

    Next is that you mention that your ex is the one to solve this, i like to break it to you that although its naturally to seek in him a crutch and support, he is most likely not a professional psychologist that can give you the mental support that you need. It could be benefitial that you bring him to a theraphy session, and talk it out. Your current bf needs to be brought understanding on why you need the theraphy sessions and to talk this difficult period of the abortion and on how it impacted your life. Take care with your future choices,make solid and secure choices and think them at least 3 times over, and be prepared if things don't work out as you expected. Take care of yourself, and protect your mental and emotional stability.
     
  5. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    DEEP
     
  6. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    i have been to therapy. i've been in millwood psych hosp. and had a psych. but it isnt everytime i think or talk about it that it bothers me. its just sometimes but more so when it is this time of year.

    i'm not saying my ex is a crutch. but it is more helpful for me.

    my current bf is understanding but i dont really feel that there is much of anything he can do.
     
  7. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Your new "bf" wont be able to comfort you liek the "old". I'm sure he hasn't been is this situation before so he can't relate nor can he say he "understands how you feel". All he would be doing then is lying to you.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You can't change the past, you can only change the future.

    In your mind you want to correct the past and shape that image into something you can live with. That image is basically you and your ex having a child and living a happy life forever after.

    The reality again however is that you can't reshape the past, and this is why it becomes so emotionally frustrating because it influences your daily doing , you can't leave it alone. Your mind goes like a washing machine over the situation over and over again trying to rinse the stains of the past.

    If it is the time of the year, then the time that you had an abortion was probably during this period of the year.

    You know in the end you might attempt to settle with your ex again, simply because its bugging you so much. But personally i would advice to be like your ex-bf ,forgiving yourself and not letting it bug you too much.At 17 It was a physicially difficult situation and although the physical discomfort is most likely gone, the emotionally difficulty with your decision is still here.

    The question is not wether you did the right or wrong thing in what you decided, its wether you can forgive yourself and move on, what really is the question. The ability to emotionally distantiate yourself from what happend. And giving yourself a second chance to live again, what is really important.
     
  9. katatat

    katatat you're outta your league Donnie

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    it isn't really that i wouldn't not have it again if given the chance to go back. it is the fact that i wonder if all the emotional stress and all the shit that him and i put each other through since we broke up, if all of that would have happened or would it still have happened but had the strain of a child we had to bring up be the only reason we'd be communicating.

    i am a person who hates not having control over things. so when i have no control over a situation i freak out and break down. anxiety attacks, crying and whathaveyou.
     

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