FRK Open relationships/marriages

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by matsuya, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. matsuya

    matsuya Active Member

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    Is it possible for two people who are truly in love to have an open relationship? How is this possible? I'm not against it, I'm just wondering what the reasoning is behind it that makes it possible.
     
  2. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    :wavey:

    It's not easy either, let me be honest. And it's not for everyone. It takes extensive amounts of communication, honesty and trust.

    I truly love my Husband, there's actually a couple of members here who can vouch for that (seen it in person or know me personally). My future isn't with anyone else but him. He's the father of my child, he will be the father of my next child. He is the person that I will be laughing at for putting banana's in a plastic bag at the grocery store when I'm old and have grey hair and wrinkles and walk hunched over.

    But yes, I have sex with other (read: One) men and he knows it. He used to have someone else, but she's moved away and he hasn't made any attempts at finding himself someone else so far. He's very picky.

    And you might want to ask some actual questions so we can give you the answers you're looking for instead of being vague.
     
  3. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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  4. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Because there is a difference between sex and love. Some people can make the distinction, some can not. Those who can't should not be in an open relationship.
    In my situation, my BF provides experimentation that my husband can't/isn't comfortable with. I am fond of my BF but I love my hubby.
     
  5. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

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    This is true. However, the way this whole thing is worded makes it seem like you can only have sex outside of your relationship if you make sure you don't love the other person. In Bubba and mine's case this is not true. We identify as being polyamourous (not open) so we LOVE other people as well as have full relationships other than just sex with others. This does not diminish the love that we have for each other. Human beings are capable of infinite amounts of love. There is no limit. Just as a parent can love multiple children, a person can love multiple partners.
     
  6. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Lovely brings up another point which illustrates the complexity of the general term "open". Poly people have a different perception of love & sex (usually, since it is more of a closed relationship) than people who are in an open relationship which is usually just for sex.

    So much to consider and discuss before one choses this kind of life. :)
     
  7. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Not only that but people's definition of open and poly are different as well. For example, we had a couple that was interested in doing things with Lovely and Myself and we said that we had to talk to our other partners before going any further. They did not seem to understand this and viewed our other partners as pets essentially. That is, we do what we want and tell the other person what we are doing. I informed him that was not how it was. That their opinions were valid and valued.
     
  8. Elfling

    Elfling New Member

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    Totally possible. How? Ground rules, respect, and a lot of compromise. At least in my experience.

    Is it going to work for everybody? No. It's very much a YMMV thing.

    Is it always easy?? No, but then, fuck, neither are relationships with just two people involved either.
     
  9. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

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    This is an interesting topic for me right now, ive gone out with a girl a few times recently who is married. She said her relationship doesnt really fit into the definition of poly or open. Im going to have to talk with her more on the subject. Shes pursuing her Phd in sexual studies, makes for facinating conversation.
     
  10. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    It's possible, depending on the two people involved
     
  11. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    Mine doesn't either :dunno: Don't understand why it's so difficult to "get".

    We're Open, but we don't just screw anybody at any time, which doesn't neccesarily "fit" the term "Open". We're Poly because I do have emotions (I'm not in love with my FB, but I do care very deeply for him and would even if we had just remained friends) but the three (or four should my Husband find someone again) of us aren't one big happy family. My SO and my FB haven't actually ever met :o I only met my SO's former playmate (as I jokingly call her) because she worked with him and came out for a group thing. Otherwise I never would have met her.
     
  12. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

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    I think this is a lot like the situation im entering. Which would be great for me. Sex or no sex I think this girl could be a really good friend.

    but I also think the sex is going to be fantastic :)
     
  13. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Because lots of people have problems with anything that is outside their "norm" and some have no interest in learning either.
     
  14. BadKat

    BadKat GIVE ME WINE!!

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    The first time I had sex with my FB, I was suuuuper nervous. Which was weird, because the chemistry was obviously there. But ya never know. That first time certainly set the precident for what it's been like ever since. And yeah, I think that is also what makes it work - being able to be really good friends enables us to have this type of relationship. There was a time not too long ago where my SO was being pretty needy (not in a sexual way but in an emotional way) and was really needing my attention. I had plans with the FB, but texted him (our preferred method of communication) and told him I just wasn't going to be able to get away. He understood - he's not my primary concern.

    This is true and I'm alright with that. There's plenty I don't "get" or have any interest in trying to learn or understand. But I was also raised a helluva lot more open-minded then the majority of the population.
     

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