one of the best threads in F&N...

Discussion in 'Fitness & Nutrition' started by jonno, Dec 15, 2006.

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  1. jonno

    jonno New Member

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  2. michael

    michael FLORIDA > *

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    "It was my first time attempting a 2500 lb squat without my gear. I was nervous. I knew deep down inside that I could do it, I had taken my animal pak vitamins and I could feel the pump rushing through my vascular, hardened body. I stepped up to the squat rack and got under the massive amounts of steel. I pushed off and easily unracked the 1.25 tons that were now sitting on my monstrous shoulders. I lowered my ass to the ground (if it dont touch, it dont count!)...at this point I squeezed with all my might to raise the weight when I felt something happen. I easily put the 2500 lbs up and re-racked it and took a look behind me. It seems most of my intestines and internal organs had dropped completely out of my ass, I guess I blew my sphincter out. Anyhow, I picked up the liver and pancreas and examined them. I remember reading in Men's Health that you needed protein to keep these organs healthy, so I figured they were packed to the brim with casein and whey, so I started munching down on them. Hell, what's a cheaper source of protein than the kind you produce yourself, right? So after I finished about 4 organs I decided to throw another 1,000 on the bar. Again, unracking it was easy, I got it up when I heard something in my back tear. I re-racked the weight and turned so I could see my posterior in the mirror. What the fuck? My spine was jutting out of the top of my neck! Oh well, the animal inside of me knew what had to be done, I had seen enough movies! I pulled my spine completely out of my back and wrapped it around my forehead, creating the coolest god damn bandana I had ever seen (Rambo, take that!). I grabbed an ez-curl bar and shoved it where my spine previously was and went about my workout. Some people think I'm crazy. I think I'm an Animal."

    -Troy, avid animal pak user since 2002

    :mamoru:
     
  3. BarbaraWaltersPegleg

    BarbaraWaltersPegleg Irish Guido

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  4. kit99bar

    kit99bar USPA Class 2, weak, old man!

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    I LOVE this one:

    Originally Posted by superbri007
    "I popped my animal pak in and chased it with boars blood, and then the unthinkable happened today, I was going to enter my gym through the main entrance when animal instinct took over. I knew something was wrong. It was my large torso, too wide to get through the door. I calmed myself down thinking, i'd better be able to get into the gym. I went back to my car, popped another animal pak, reved up my engine, and drove through the door. The crash cleared 4 more feet in the entrance, wide enough for future visits to the gym, because I know i'd only be getting bigger by the second. The animal pak was in full effect at this point, I lost control. I reved up the engine once more and ran over the people on the treadmills. All those doing curls I played bumper cars with, they didn't stand a chance. I saw my target, I drove to the squat rack. Parked my car on some pussy benching 400. I got out, and immediately loaded up 1000 lbs for warm ups. Not having enough 45 plates in the gym to suffice my ultimate animal needs, I went around collecting bodies, bodies ranging from 150 pound weaklings to 300 pound blobs. I stood them all in a line and threw an olympic bar like a javelin through their torsos, making a human shish-kebob weighing 3000 lbs. I threw it up over my head, took a deep breath into my belly of human flesh and blood, and repped for 20. Then I siphoned some of my cars gasoline out onto the floor beneath the 3000 pound human squat bar, lit it up and cooked myself a well balanced animal meal. Some might call it murder, I just call it instinct, animals can't be arrested for murder. Animal Pak, can you handle it?"
     
  5. datap1mp

    datap1mp /dev/null

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    those two had me :rofl:
     
  6. michael

    michael FLORIDA > *

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    orly?
     
  7. BarbaraWaltersPegleg

    BarbaraWaltersPegleg Irish Guido

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    Your superbri? no shit
     
  8. BarbaraWaltersPegleg

    BarbaraWaltersPegleg Irish Guido

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    Too tired to care about grammaah bro...
     
  9. _Kanwisher!

    _Kanwisher! Guest

    I had a feeling it was that thread :rofl:

    I can read those all day
     
  10. cavefish

    cavefish You ain't a crook son, you just a shook one

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    Well how the motherfuck do you have so many posts since October?

    Jesus Christ.
     
  11. lif

    lif New Member

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    :werd: 13500 posts a month? lol
     
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