SRS One of my friends who i'm in love with is working late christmas eve

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Mark, Dec 20, 2006.

  1. Mark

    Mark Diesel Junkie

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    She doesnt have her own car so i was going to suprise her and show up instead of her normal ride and take her out for something hopefully slightly romantic.... the only problem is what the hell is there to do in Michigan right now?

    In the summer i'd take her to the beach after dark. If it was snowy we could go and make an igloo or something. But its about 35 degrees and wet. I'm just looking for something dorkey and spontanious-like.

    I need ideas for something to do...... Southeast Michigan crew would help allot :)
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    How about you just straight up ask her out on a date?

    Are you two in a relationship now? Is she single? Has she shown any interest in you?

    Don't do anything extraordinary until you know she likes you...otherwise you'll just seem weird or creepy.
     
  3. Mark

    Mark Diesel Junkie

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    Already tried asking her out stright. i think half of her is scared cuz her last 2 relaitonships ended badly and the other half friendzoend me. She is single and wierdly enough everyone who i talk to that watches how we interact says she acts like she is interested. Very confusing.

    I've known her well for about a eyar now so i an 95% sure i wownt creep her out.
     
  4. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    Based on the model that you are portraying, you are in the friend zone. This is good because you aren't a creap. This is bad because there's only a small chance she might begin to like you. The fact that you claim to be "in love" with her in itself doesn't display a sense of reality in the situation. Don't be offended, I'm hitting you with what I believe has some truth.

    I would recommend you call her before she leaves work (or you can text her or something) and say "hey I'm gonna go get a cup of tea/coffee right now, why don't you join me?"

    Dinner is too forward, eager, and quite frankly inexperienced. Going to a local coffee house will get the job done in a less formal way. Don't seek to impress her by buying her dinner-- impress her using your personality and language skills in a more laid back setting. Charm her with your attractive personality. Don't be a WUSS, don't agree with everything she says if you don't, and don't act eager. If you want her to be attracted to you you have to establish that you have your own life. I don't think waiting outside for her is giving the right signal.
     
  5. Mark

    Mark Diesel Junkie

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    Been there, done that dude. I just got back from having dinner with her and renting a movie. We have been quite close for a while now. Its not an issue of me creeping her out, its an isue of me trying to create a spark.

    I'm not gonna wait outside for her, i'm gonna sneak up behind her while she is signing out from work and scare the living crap out of her.... Which i have done before and she likes it.

    Coffee shop is a good idea though. I _was_ thinking dinner but that might be a better idea.
     
  6. Mark

    Mark Diesel Junkie

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    I did my homework and figured out what her plans were for that night. She has none. I know her friends... and her parents. Like i said, this isnt a rendom girl i mew a few weeks ago. I spent half the summer with this girl. I know i'm nt gonna creep her out, i just need ideas on what to do after i pick her up.
     
  7. harleysilo

    harleysilo New Member

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    Well, I assume outdoor ideas are out, right, cold rainy wet etc.?

    So you want to create a spark and you probably couldn't creep her out....

    I don't know your living conditions, but, why not have Christmas together at your house, you bring her their, you have the candles going, the wine/beer/crown cold, table is set, food is hot and ready to eat, you sit down enjoy dinner, maybe watch a movie, you get her drunk, you play strip poker, you win!

    Seriously, your objective is to loosen her inhibitions i.e. get her drunk then make your move....
     
  8. Dr. Funk

    Dr. Funk OT Supporter

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    and if you think anything's going to be open that nite you're nuts
     
  9. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    :werd: You'll have to get creative.

    Is there an outdoor ice rink nearby?
     
  10. maskednegator

    maskednegator Kosmonaut, best we've got...

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    why not just find a girl that likes you back?
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I would skip christmas, and go for new years eve. At least there's something to DO on that night.
     
  12. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I don't think she's interested, and honestly, neither do you. That's why you're pulling the friend game, hoping to get close to her that way.

    But you will find that is not the way to do this.

    But go ahead anyways, everyone seems to want to learn it themselves the hard way.

    If you already asked her out straight and you got your answer...then you got your answer. That other stuff you list "she's scared" etc... come on. Don't willfully lie to yourself like that.
     
  13. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    bullshit. bullshit bullshit.

    uhh.. trust me sometimes it takes time for a girl to realise...

    for anyone that says its not possible they are full of shit I've been there and done it. it took a year and a half but she says I'm her first love.. its been 3 years since we met, but now since i know her so well.. i realised there were a lot of things I didn't like.. she still says she loves me but I couldn't ever consider being with her.
     
  14. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    untrue, false, completely wrong.. there are no rules to women. there is nothing to be an exception to.
     
  15. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Never asked her on a date? Surprise her? Bad move. It's a creepy and stalkerish move. Besides, if you REALLY want to date a woman, you MUST ask her on a date so she can get ready. The level of effort she puts into getting ready will reflect her attraction towards you.

    Surprising her at the end of a work shift? What a shitty idea. Likely she will be tired, could of had a bad day, feeling dirty, etc. You're putting her in a position where she is going to have to be polite to you and TRY to decline without hurting your feelings. No mature man would ever think of doing something like this - it's completely insensitive and thoughtless.

    And on Christmas?

    Wow, talk about self delusion! If she was attracted to you, she would do everything in her power to date you. The very fact that she gave you ANY excuse means you are not enough of a mature adult for her to want to be with. You are clearly friendzoned just by the virtue that you asked her out and she turned you down. TAKE A HINT! A mature adult would move on, not stalk her for a year hoping something would happen.

    This tactic pisses me off so much (partly because I used to do it! :mamoru: ) because you are LYING to her. You are being all nice and friendly and doing things for/to her in hopes that you can win her. WHAT BULLSHIT! This is like having a gay male friend around you for a year. He's nice to you, surprises you on xmas eve :p and now suddenly you're going to GO GAY to be with him? WTF? She has already made up her mind - she does not want to be with you.

    So does she touch you, stand close to you, try to kiss you, always dress up around you, make you food, buy you things, drink alcohol with you alone, come to your house, call you and try to find out if you are free to do something, spend time with you alone, hold your hand, flirts with you...

    Or are your friends just feeding you a bunch of bull?

    I am 95% sure you WILL.

    Dude. You've been with her for a year, you're WAY friendzoned. Women look for a mature adult male, and those mature adult males don't wait a year to get with a woman.

    You have one-itis. Go Google that. You need to move on.
     
  16. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    I would not take this approach it is way to coupley for someone you have yet to be on a date with. If a girl I had not been on a date with in my life and actually has turned down for a date showed up and wanted to do something romantic no matter how long I have known them would instantly go to creepy and never talk to that person again.

    If anything pick her up and say hey want to grab a bite to eat. No pretense that it is a date just 2 friends getting dinner but definately nothing romantic or coupley.

    Also, she is not scared by her previous relationships that is just a cop out excuse. On her side there is no chemistry but you are still a great friend so she does not want to hurt your feelings but in the process has given you a false sense of hope. Trust me if the guy that wowed her and was what she was looking for in a relationship showed up she would go out with him in a heartbeat.
     
  17. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    No it doesn't. People know pretty quickly if the person they are talking to is someone they would not mind dating it is called intiution.

    My question is did you hound for a year and half to go on a date till you wore her down or did you dissapear and re-appear after a year and a half? Give me the full story not just it took a year and a half. Yeah I have dated girls that broke up with me and see me 2 years later and want to date again but I always decline because I don't like reliving the past.

    Granted there are exceptions to the rules and hats off those that are but analyze those situations and you will notice that both partie did have interest in each other just for some reason they could not date (one person was in a relationship) but the key is both parties are attracted to each other and it is not a 1 way street.

    Plus this guy needs to knock this girl off of this pedestal. How someone can be in love with someone who does not love them back is beyond me and just flat out wierd.
     
  18. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    Yes there are. Everyone has rules if that was the case everyone would be attracted to everyone. What you will notice is what I am attracted to is probably not what you are attracted to and neither is the next person.

    Attraction and desire is something that has to be a 2 way street not something that you can force upon someone.

    I don't mean attaction is a physical sense either I mean it in a full package emotional, physical, and intimatcy.
     
  19. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    you guys are robots.
     
  20. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    No I honestly want to know. In my experiences and those I have worked with it has maybe worked out once but that situation was one of he asked her out, she said no, he pretty much dissapeared (they kept in contact maybe once a month or quarter), and then a year or so later they started dating and got married.

    This guy still is in constant communication with her and is trying some made for TV last ditch effort to win. I want to know how your situation of 1.5 years worked out. If it was a constant communication situation or a dissapear and reappaer.
     
  21. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    :mamoru:
     
  22. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    we met in high school. she showed interest in me the first day, cuddled with me and was flirty, we saw eachother a few more times in class and decided to start hanging out outside of class. then the interest faded I guess, and she started going out with this other dude from the class. He was a faggot.. he did some dumb things like come to a dinner that her and I were having at a restaurant and sit down at the table with us, completely un-invited. So i told her that I didn't want to deal with it and stopped talking to her. A year later I had just gotten out of a relationship and she had broken up with him. We started hanging out again, but she didnt show any interest at all. we hung out everyday and she told me about all the dudes she was fucking etc. basically i was hanging in hoping and being a friend to her... well 4 months of that and I told her how I felt and asked if she ever thought we'd go out.. she said no. So at that point I blocked out any thought of ever being with her. About a month later we were still hanging out and being friends and something happened and we kissed. By that point I was already on my way to being over her and had accepted that nothing would happen, so when she finally kissed me it was wierd. We slept together a few days later and a few more times, but it just wasn't everything I had imagined and my heart wasn't there anymore. So I told her I couldn't be with her. So we went back to being friends, but she started drinking a shitload and was an aweful drunk so I sotpped talking to her for another year. Picked things up a few months ago but her drinking got in the way again. She considers me her first and only love still. The last time we picked things up I really thought I liked her again and could make a go of it but she got fucked up at my friends house and made a fool of herself and embaressed the shit out of me.


    there was a dissapearance but it wasn't like i dissapeared and instantly she wanted me when i came back... And I can without a doubt say that she is absolutely the same person, I've grown up and changed and she hasn't.
     
  23. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    Completely different situation than the thread starter. There was at one point interest in each other before you dated seriously ( the threadstarter has interest but obviously she has no interst in him). Plus you were moving on on with your life unlike the thread starter who is still pining around hoping for that glimmer of hope. Plus when you 2 hung out as friends you treated her as exactly that not planning some extravagent event in hopes of wining her over.

    Also, you let it form naturally and did not try to form this instarelationship like the threadstarter. I bet you when she was talking about guys that she was dating you likewise talked about girls you were dating.

    Finally to reiterate all you expected from her was friendship the relationship was just an added bonus. The threadstarter has put her up to be this girl who he loves and can't live without. You knew you could live without this girl and did not treat her like some angelic being who was the reason you were breathing. I hate the pedestal theory because it is overused but any person can smell insecurity and desperation a mile away and that is not traits that are admired or looked at (it also goes to my other theory that women are not attracted to money but rather the fact that those with money tend to have confidence and are successful and those are 2 very desirable traits).

    Like I said completely completely different situation. You took a friendship that was just a friendship to a relationship. Threadstarter is taking a one sided relationship (he is in love with her remember and trying to turn it into a relationship).

    edit: sorry for the reptitious thoughts I have been having to think about what I am writing all day and not in the mood to be editing or sounding professional.
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2006
  24. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    umm, actually in those few months that she was fucking all those guys after we started talking again, I followed her around just like the threadstarter, i wasn't with any other girls, I followed her around like she was some angelic being who was the reason I was breathing. I tried to do sweet things for her to get her to like me and win her over. I was just like the thread starter.
     
  25. jshively

    jshively OT Supporter

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    Still does not change anything.

    You asked her out she rejected you and you realized it is not going to work. You picked up pieces of your life and moved forward accepting all she will ever be is a friend. At that point you stopped treating her like some angelic being and treated her like the way you should have all along just another friend. Which also means you stopped reeking of insecurity and desperation (it is completely subconscious).

    Threadstarter got rejected and instead of taking it and doing what you said you did and realizing it is not going to happen he is trying some desperate plan of attack that will only work in some crappy movie.

    The point I am trying to make is once as a guy you stop treating women as something that is unattainable but just another human being with positives and negatives you will never succeed and always feel inferior. When they are on this (god I hate this word) pedestal the mentality changes from how can this person impress me and help fullfill my life to I have to make this person like me and insecurity and desperation show their ugly head and you lose before you start.

    In any relationship (intimate or friendship) you want someone who is going to want you to become a better person and help you grow and compliment you not someone you feel that you have to impress and treats you less than you deserve to be treated. Not someone you feel you have to do all the work and try to impress. Granted everynow and then I will preach you have to get dolled up and go out on the town for a nice dinner but not every meal.

    I can't tell you how many people have told me someone is out of their league or unattainable. How someone could believe that they are not capable of the best things in life is beyond me. You would not go to a restaurant and say wow I really like the filet but I only worth the chopped steak so why sell yourself short in relationships???
     

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