SRS One of my best friends has been disowned by his family, and I don't know what to feel

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Capt. Hammer, Nov 14, 2006.

  1. Capt. Hammer

    Capt. Hammer PM me for rates on express consent. OT Supporter

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    When I met my best friend, Zach, back in 1990, I was only 5 years old.

    Growing up, we did everything together, we were the kind of friends that one would see in movies, either of us would sacrifice everything we had for the other one.

    However, in 1995, when I was 10, my dad was transferred to Houston, TX, and our family had to move.

    My friend Zach and I still maintained our friendship for years to come, working every summer to save up enough money for a plane ticket to see each other a couple times a year, until we turned 19.

    His mom caught him using drugs like cocaine and heroin, and she sent him to rehab. It's still important to keep in mind the fact that because we were such close friends, each of our families were similar to the other's extended family. His mom tells me everything, and his little sister comes crying to me whenever she has problems, it's as if I'm a sibling in their family.

    Recently I found out that after being re-admitted to rehab several times, he kept turning back to drugs, and finally his family disowned him and severed all their ties with him, for fear that he would influence his younger brother and sister in negative ways.

    Anyways, fast forward to this year - 2006... I'm 21, and sometimes I wonder if he would have acted any differently had I not moved away. God, I LOVE this kid like a brother, back in the day, I would have easily laid down my life to save his, and I can't help but think that if I had stayed around, he would have ended up differently :hs:

    Sometimes I'm brought to tears thinking about the situation, and I try to remind myself that everyone leads their own lives, and what someone else does is ultimately out of my control.


    I just needed to vent, I just wanted to get this out and hear other people's opinions on the situation.
     
  2. otherlank

    otherlank OT Supporter

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    I have a friend just like yours, only I did not move away. Sometimes even being raised in similar environments, people are just going to take two completely different paths through life.

    You can't blame yourself even the slightest bit for how your friend turned out. It's a sad situation, but you are right...it is ultimately out of your control.
     
  3. wat

    wat New Member

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    It's a natural reaction to think that by you being there, you may have changed the course of history, but whether or not it's true, you'll never know. My advice to you is to not stress on that aspect, but instead try to reclaim your ties with him and try and get him cleaned up now, if you're up for it.

    The sad part of it is that some people just can't be saved. Although I think that the family did the wrong thing by severing all ties with him instead of trying to help him, whether he is a lost cause or not, it shouldn't matter. Not to mention that his siblings, after seeing what he has gone through, probably wouldn't even think about touching drugs.
     
  4. Capt. Hammer

    Capt. Hammer PM me for rates on express consent. OT Supporter

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    Thank you :hsd:

    That's exactly the kind of thing I needed to hear someone else say
     
  5. Capt. Hammer

    Capt. Hammer PM me for rates on express consent. OT Supporter

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    The real fact that I hadn't mentioned is that we haven't even spoken in a few years, and now, I don't really even know what to expect if I were to talk to him.

    God, I'd love to think that he's turning his life around on his own, but after seeing his family expire their resources on him, I don't know how much help I could possibly be.

    I'd love to get back in touch with him, and I know I've got enough balls to, I'm just afraid of how far it might pull me in to a situation that I don't want/can't afford to be in.
     
  6. wat

    wat New Member

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    Well, don't be too hard on yourself, man. I had an uncle that was a drug/alcohol abuser for years and years, throughout my entire childhood he was drunk/high/etc. at least half of the time. We'd tried to help him out to the best of our abilities, and never got to the point of disowning him, but when we were down on our luck and couldn't even afford utilities, we had to stop giving him money and food. He survived, but he didn't wise up any. I was one of the last people in our family to see him, and by that time he looked completely depleted. He died a week or so later (two Thanksgivings ago, actually). Like I said, some people just can't be helped. :hs:
     
  7. AzGuy79

    AzGuy79 OT Supporter

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    the best thing you can do is make an attempt to help him get past his addiction. even though you may think that things would be different if you two were closer, he is not your repsonsibility. everybody has to make their own decisions in life, and face the reprocussions of their bad ones. all you can do is make an attempt to help.
     
  8. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I agree with the second poster. However, you make it sound like you haven't gone back to see your friend in a couple of years. Is this correct? If it is, why haven't you gone to see him? Is it because you're afraid he won't value your company anymore? Maybe he's on drugs because he thinks nobody values him anymore -- if this is the case, certainly what his family did has proven the point. You might be the only person who can tell him he's worth something, now. He SHOULD value himself, but it's hard to do that when nobody else values you; nobody is immune to groupthink.
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2006
  9. Capt. Hammer

    Capt. Hammer PM me for rates on express consent. OT Supporter

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    Yeah, that's correct

    I don't know, maybe I feel like I'm not prepared to see what he's become? I'm not completely sure.
     
  10. Welsh0913

    Welsh0913 OT Supporter

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    I'm sure he would be ecstatic to see you.
     
  11. Capt. Hammer

    Capt. Hammer PM me for rates on express consent. OT Supporter

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    You think so? :hs:
     
  12. FrogtownHippies

    FrogtownHippies New Member

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    It's like the Butterfly Effect, maybe things would have been different, but odds are they would have been worse. Think of it this way, if the two of you were so close, would you have followed suit and tried it, too?
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Leave self-destructive people the fuck alone. They will suck you in until they figure shit out on their own.
     
  14. Capt. Hammer

    Capt. Hammer PM me for rates on express consent. OT Supporter

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    This is another thing I've taken into consideration

    I have to watch out for myself too :hs:
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    There's no "too." You can't watch out for someone else who is bringing himself down. You can however go with them. Don't do that, even a little bit.
     
  16. craftyjl

    craftyjl New Member

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    He has and is going through a lot. be there for him. HE feel like the world has abandon him. Do not prove him right.
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    He abandoned the world. He knows he did, and while he's too weak to take control of the problems he himself causes, he's got the advantage of your affection towards him and can use your positive input to feed his negative output.
     

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