SRS 'once a cheater...'

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by the_chizzle, Jan 17, 2007.

  1. the_chizzle

    the_chizzle New Member

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    backstory: a 'friend' of mine not only cheated on his girl with a one-night stand (with a close friend of ours), but he lied about it for 3 whole months before i finally confronted him about it. even then, i really think he only told her out of fear that i would tell her first, because he lied to me when i confronted him about it. additionally, he called up the girl he cheated with soon after it happened, and they both agreed that they had a natural attraction and would be ok with it happening again. this friend has been with the girl he cheated on for about a year and a half at this point (we're 20-22). additionally he always considered himself a good catholic. now... it seems like she's going to stay with him. so i wanted anyone's thoughts on something like this.. has anyone ever taken back a cheater of this level and had it work out? get married? and what about my place.. is something like this forgivable, as a christian (which i am)? also.. the actual incident happened on the same night that i called him and told him that my ex had cheated on me.. i considered him a good friend
    please comment, thanks
     
  2. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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    use logic, she deserves better and can do better. that is all.
     
  3. the_chizzle

    the_chizzle New Member

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    i agree with you totally.. do you think it is my place to say something?
     
  4. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    There is no place for you in their relationship. Let them worry/sort out their own issues/situation. It's not like she doesn't know, she *knows* he cheated, yet still remains to be with him.

    There really is not much you can do at this point, and I'm not sure what you are trying to accomplish either. It's not your place to forgive either part, as it does not involve you in anyway.
     
  5. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Rule of thumb would be once a cheater always a cheater.

    I mean fuck, I hear of a guy on here who got cheated on for a traffic and marijuana charge. What if the poor dude lost his fuckin leg, would she still be for him then
     
  6. cateyes

    cateyes New Member

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    never ever trust a cheater!!...they never change!
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Cheaters do change, given sufficient time, maturity and reason to change.
    If he has none of these in evidence, then likely the core of his personality is the same.
    And so if the opportunity presents itself...then similar results might happen again.

    But sometimes cheaters do see the errors of their ways. The same as with any other "sin" or misdeed, eventually people as they grow up, correct the mistakes of their youth.

    So I wouldn't say never....just that there needs to be evidence of growth.

    In this particular case however, I think you should stay out of their relationship.
    Wanting the best for your friend, or for her is one thing. Wishing them well is one thing.

    What you seem to want to do, and threatened to do, is actively meddle in their relationship. Quite different.

    Stay out of it.
     
  8. k1ko

    k1ko OT Supporter

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    no offense but people like you piss me off. It really is none of your business and unless one of them comes to you for advice its not something you should be worried about. Now its your choice if you choose to remain friends with this person or not but again, its not your place to get in between their business.
     
  9. cateyes

    cateyes New Member

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    Johan, have you ever been cheated on? and do you personally know a cheater that has changed? and if so, for how long has he not cheated?:wavey:
     
  10. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    I respect Johan's opinion that cheaters can change. I honestly do.

    However, as a rule of thumb, it is very stupid to expect them to change with you.

    Therefor one should follow once a cheater, always a cheater.

    Then, when you run into a girl (who may have changed), you may have a happy relationship.

    Or, even better, a girl who never had to change in the first place.

    If you found out they cheated recently (before you) or cheated with you, stay the fuck away.

    I would personally dump a chick if I found out she cheated on her boyfriend. "Sorry I am not about to become number 2". Maybe that will help them change.

    And even if they do change, they are probally still up for changing back to their old ways, or have bad characteristics.
     
  11. cateyes

    cateyes New Member

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    oh I respect anyone's opinion if they'd been there done that or has had it done to them. hmmm does that make sense?...this is a veeeeeery sore subject for me, so maybe I shouldnt even be posting, but I stand my ground, once a cheater, always a cheater!!....its either in you to cheat, or not to cheat, and even cheaters I know say if they can get away with it, they'll keep on cheating, its like a high to them....
     
  12. the_chizzle

    the_chizzle New Member

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    i'm not looking to interfere, i'm just asking. i already DID interfere before by telling him that i knew.. and go ahead and try to argue with me, but that was the RIGHT thing to do. would you like to live a lie? i know i don't, and i never told her directly, i let him do it, or at least i gave him enough fear to do it.
     
  13. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    Unless she asks you direcrtly, I'd stay out of it.
     
  14. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    I agree with this wholeheartedly.
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I think we're on the same page.

    While I do believe, and have personally observed that cheaters can change, as I mentioned, they only do so after sufficient time has passed, or they've grown up a LOT, or they have a significant reason to do so.

    Most people here in Asylum are quite young and early in their love careers, and typically have not experienced the wrenching growth necessary to jolt them out of their ways. Nor do they have the wisdom of old age to reflect on their evildoing.

    So for the population here...for all intents and purposes, if he cheats on you, then you have been given a massive kreig light worth of signal that it's getting time to move on.

    As for the OP's situation is concerned....doesn't seem like change is too likely.
     

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