once a cheater...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by gubment cheese, Mar 30, 2005.

  1. gubment cheese

    gubment cheese New Member

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    always a cheater?

    my ex and I are going to get back together...she went "crazy" when her dad died and started an affair with an older man who reminded her of her dad.

    am I nuts for taking her back?
     
  2. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    Hmm could be possible, but "once a cheater always a cheater" is most of the time true.

    If she is able to work her trust back and be faithful, then kudos to you, but I'll just say it didnt work for me. :o
     
  3. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    I'd say it's true most of the time. That sounds like a bizzare situation to decipher online, tho.
     
  4. King Ralph

    King Ralph Active Member

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    If she started an affair with a man that reminded her of her dad, I think she has more problems than infidelity my friend :run:
     
  5. Lad

    Lad Guest

    ^ Agreed. But even still that sounds like it just might be a cheap cop out excuse for her to justify her cheating. Yes, you might be nuts. But everyone needs to be a little crazy every now and then. Just dont put your heart on the line until after you are sure.
     
  6. Spaulding Smails

    Spaulding Smails Real Estate Guru

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    Sounds like a cop out....she cheated and is using her dad's death as leverage....

    watch out for those headcases....they are always trouble...terrible about her father..tough situation to be in....
     
  7. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    If I knew for a fact that someone cheated on me, I dont think Id be able to take them back, it would always be burned into my mind that they were capable of it.

    As for once a cheater, always a cheater. I think a majority of the time, thats true. But there are others who cheat once and realize the hurt/pain/anguish it caused and could never possibly do it again.

    Good luck, only you know the ins and outs of your realtionship well enough to know if this is a copput or not. But IMO, there are no valid grounds for cheatin.
     
  8. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    ^ Agreed with JustaMeThang
     
  9. Bella

    Bella New Member

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    I agree as well
     
  10. weakone

    weakone New Member

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    :werd: I don't care how much I cared about that person or how they justified it. If you cheat, you're out. You were capable of doing it once, for whatever excuse you gave, and if you think of another excuse, the capability is there.
     
  11. Vegasoutkast

    Vegasoutkast New Member

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    yes .... ur nutz
     
  12. gubment cheese

    gubment cheese New Member

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    this is basically what i have been thinking...i can't let myself forget what she did to me, but I think she realizes how bad it tore me up and i (hope) she couldn't bring herself to do it again.

    i won't accept her excuses as to why it happened, but I do accept her apologies and think my family (3 kids) deserve ONE LAST chance at us being together...and yes I love and miss her too...:wtc:
     
  13. Tornado6

    Tornado6 When the wind set down in funnel form and pulled y

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    I don't believe that. People learn and grow and realize mistakes and improve themselves all of the time. People are absolutely capable of change. Getting through infidelity takes a whole lot of work on both sides, but it can be done.
     
  14. Mojo

    Mojo New Member

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    if shes the mother of your kids, you got to think about it real hard. think for your kids (if shes the mother) future. its a really hard childhood growing up with just 1 parent IMO.

    if shes not the mother of your kids, it would be a little easier for you to refuse/decline/etc of her. she is in a very bad situation but thats her personal problems and none of your business. you can get involved, but thats gonna require more of your time.

    once a cheater, always = 99% of the time,yes
    are you nuts = yes



    what i usually do in these situations is make a list of pros and cons. whichever side has more, then go with it.
     
  15. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    It can be done, but also think of it this way. There had to have been a solid reason why the person cheated in the first place. If the other wasn't good in bed, maybe too boring, changed into a different person, getting back into the relationship might not be the best thing to do.

    Always explore your options, and have a long talk with her too. If she's quick with her answers, she's trying to appeal to you.
     
  16. I think that she was in a horrible situation that could have just cause her some temporart mental problems- and maybe that was her way of "getting over it." I know its kinda gross but people have done worse things. I would take it slow but if i were you- just give her another chance. I had a BF cheat on me on me before- and i took him back after he "grew up". Now he's the greatest thing in my life and would never do anything like that again.
     
  17. ISO9002

    ISO9002 New Member

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    OUCH~ got me....so true...:hs:
     
  18. gubment cheese

    gubment cheese New Member

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    we had been having problems, but i thought she would never cheat on me due to ethical and religious reasons...then her dad dies and she goes off the deep end, does all sorts of things that are not like her including this affair. yes she is the mother of my 3 kids, and that weighs heavily on my decision. Oh well, like I said before, she gets one and only one more chance. It's sad really, because now I am afraid to love her like I used to so I won't get so hurt if/when it happens again. But at least this way I will be prepared, and I would honestly be able to say I tried everything I could do to work it out.
     
  19. Trina

    Trina New Member

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    If you intend on giving it a go again though, you have to put yourself fully into the relationship and not guard yourself so much like you describe your plan to do so.

    It may take you a long time to get over it, but you can get beyond what happened and come out much closer than you ever believed. Just be honest with her about your feelings at all times. It will be tough to bring the wall down that you seem to have built around yourself, but it is possible.
     
  20. hooahrcr

    hooahrcr Chris_Hearn

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    dont do it she doesnt seem mentally stable
     
  21. 12345678

    12345678 EH?

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    holy fuck i'm in the SAME boat.
     
  22. gubment cheese

    gubment cheese New Member

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    only problem is that when i tell her that i am feeling upset/hurt/untrusting instead of her trying to reassure me (i have told her this helps) she gets defensive and says that if i don't want to be together than i can leave - "you don't have to do this" she says...
     
  23. gubment cheese

    gubment cheese New Member

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    wimmenz be crazy
     
  24. If they have cheated on you before then you won't be able to fully trust them 100%. Trust is a major part of a relationship and if thats not 100% there then you're always going to have doubts and those doubts will in turn ruine your relationship.
     
  25. andymodem

    andymodem Ambitious, but rubbish.

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    While I see what you mean in regards to working through a relationship where someone has cheated, my personal opinion is that would end the relationship right there. I would never be able to trust the other person again and I think alot of people feel that way. Props to people who can put that behind them and move on though, I know I wouldn't be able to.
     

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