on dating a friend's ex

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by glass, Jun 30, 2007.

  1. glass

    glass New Member

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    so there were four of us in this clique: a couple, the guy's cousin (female), and myself. it was just the three of them before i came in.

    i always had a thing for the guy's girl, but i knew enough to respect things and stay out of that mess. 6 months into knowing them though the girl (guy's gf) and i have been becoming closer, and would sometimes be in situations i wouldn't want to find my own girlfriend in. things remained respectable, but it convinced me that i had a shot with this girl if she ever was single.

    recently, she broke up with the guy. i've been around her more often in the guise of helping her get through the breakup, and keeping her from falling for a rebound guy. i like to be there for friends and i'd like to think she's no exception.

    i also speak to the guy occassionally, but, never having been close to him, i don't spend as much time. i have invited him out to drinks and kept him updated on how the girl was doing when he did ask. the guy's cousin (other girl in the clique) constantly asks me if i've spent any time with the girl. she makes a point to ask this everytime we meet, and i detect jealousy.

    what i'm looking for is a damage control strategy. i'm very interested in the girl, and i'd like to approach her to develop something deeper than friendship. needless to say, in my present situation i have two people who can make things difficult for me, as well as for her. i've already made the decision to make her mine and deal with the social repercussions, but of course, i'd like the least trouble possible.

    - how do you go about making a move on an acquaintance's/friend's ex?

    - is it a good ida to talk to the friend whose ex youre interested in? and if so, what would you say? one of my friends suggested i "ask permission", which i found ridiculous, but i thought i should do something nevertheless.

    - is there a "cooling off" period before you can consider moving in on an acquaintance's ex? (6 months? one year?)

    any help would be appreciated.
     
  2. HouseLing

    HouseLing When masturbations lost its fun you'r fucking lazy

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    its complicated, theres no set of right answers. it dosnt sound like you guys are close friends, so thats one less hurdle. its a good idea to talk to him, but fuck asking permission. just see how he feels about her still. weigh what you fight out there, with how much you value him as a friend.

    same thing with the cooling off period, depends on how much you value his friendship. unless he is totally over her, you will piss him off some. it could go either way though, he could forgive you because your his homie, or hate you for betraying him

    :dunno:
     
  3. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

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    If you are friends with the guy you ask him. Gauge his body language, if he says no or says yes but clearly looks like he doesn't want you to, don't. If you aren't friends/don't care about him, go for it.
     
  4. str0bot

    str0bot New Member

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    you're a bastard of a man, and you should expect trouble for this.

    cut yourself out of the mess and find another attractive girl- there are plenty out there. why would you launch yourself on this shitty path? getting laid is hardly worth this in my opinion
     
  5. Cyanide

    Cyanide New Member

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    One thing that may work is if the girls ex boyfriend finds someone else, why should he care if his ex may become involved if hes in a new relationship, even if he knows you.
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    i wouldnt go there, even if he was cool with it

    if you are ok getting with his ex, he's obviously not a very close friend
     
  7. DvBoard

    DvBoard New Member

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    Your her friend not his? Go for it.
     
  8. derivative

    derivative OT Supporter

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    its off-limits in my book
     
  9. Lokish

    Lokish New Member

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    Complicated.

    My feeling is that he is not over her if he is still asking you how she is doing anytime you and him talk. The cousin might not be jealous so much as waiting out for her cousin and might figure that you would tell her before you would tell her cousin.

    Even if you manage to go out with the girl you are interested in and maintain a friendship with the guy, it is quite possible that he will never really get over that you moved in on his ex before nearly enough time had passed.

    I was in a situation similar in some ways...although I was the girl of interest and it was a bit more complicated as I sure this one is then what has been told to us. Complicated...decide if the friendships in this circle are more important then giving it a shot with a girl for a relationship that is most likely not going to last for the rest of your life.


    I know I sound pessimistic about a relationship lasting out of this...but I am a realist.
     
  10. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    i didnt read it but like ur screwed. your friend wont think the same of u ever again
     
  11. kumar_a

    kumar_a Well-Known Member

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    if u dont give a shit about his friendship, go for it
     
  12. Initial E

    Initial E New Member

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    look follow this:

    if she broke up with him... stay away (3 month grace period)
    if he broke up with her.. game on (3 day grace period)

    pretty simple

    /thread
     

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