SRS Omg tough decision

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Jul 20, 2006.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I'm 2.5 years older than my gf. She's 18, I'm 20. She's about to leave home for the first time. The truth of the matter is that she's in a position where she needs to experience independence and college and freshman year. If we were to stay together, I can see three things happening.

    It is possible in the course of her new experience that she will include me in it, that she'll let me know what she's experiencing and want to keep me up to date.
    It is probable that she would retreat towards me, to some extent: sacrifice college life and devote herself to me. This would create some serious resentment towards me and be horrible.
    It is also quite possible that she retreat towards college - gain the experience she needs to discover herself and stop returning phone calls, etc.

    Right now I know I'm with her and I love it and that's what matters for the summer. But school is coming up and I have no idea how that will be. What I have come to realize is that she has to gain the experience of independence, college, etc., without being inhibited in any way. I don't want her to have my priorities on her mind when she should be figuring out what she wants.

    At this point she knows what it's like to be with me. She's had time, and she knows how it is. She knows who I am, what we're like together, etc. What I need her to do, when she gets to college, is not to be inhibited, and to experience what she needs to, etc. Then, if what we have is all that great, other things will pale in comparison. If not, then I'd be wasting my time anyways.

    We have this one last month together to enjoy being with each other and I'm crying right now as I write this. However, this is a stage in her life where a journey of self-discovery is necessary. Only once she has a better sense of who she is will she be able to decide on her own whether what we have is what she really wants.

    I'm not going to wait for her, a) because that would suck for me, b) because that would put pressure on her, and ruin the whole point of sending her loose. We'll see what happens. Meanwhile we will have this last third of the summer. But can I just say, OW it fucking hruts. I'm so in love with her. :wtc:
     
  2. Colonel Panic

    Colonel Panic New Member

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    You seem to have analyzed it very realistically and with maturity beyond your young age. I don't doubt your love for her for a second.

    I admire your attitude.
     
  3. MapleLeaf

    MapleLeaf New Member

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    The saying is If you love something, set if free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it does not, it never way.
     
  4. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    :fixed: :rofl:

    Seriously, good luck. None of this is going to be easy but do what you feel you should. But then again, is it also not possible that she can go there, get a full experience, and not have to end it with you to do it? Might you be underestimating her?
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    she needs this freedom - no "have to"'s involved, except that i think she has to find out more about herself, and what she wants, before she and i can go further
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I would just let her make her own decision of wether she wants to be with you or not, you have to be prepared for both of those actions tho, sometimes loving someone means letting them go :hs:
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    that's what i'm saying
     
  8. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    Wow, I agree with Colonel Panic. You've definitely analyzed this VERY much and I can only imagine how hard coming to the decision you have must have been.
     
  9. TheGetUpkid

    TheGetUpkid New Member

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    This really hits close to home.... I just recently got out of a 4 year relationship because she was going away in the fall to study abroad in Italy. It was for the best but man, it really does hurt.... alot. I know how you must feel right now. I say enjoy and cherish this time with her, and whatever happens, will happen for the best. :hs:
     
  10. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Good man, you're right on track! Its hard but your doing the right thing, atleast saying the right thing, now go with it. Do YOU
     
  11. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    that sucks. me and my gf are in the same position except for the fact that we both want to stay together regardless of the distance, and we both are willing to sacrifice certain freedoms for each other. i'm so grateful that we are both on the same page.

    too bad your gf doesn't know what she really wants yet. hope for the best.
     
  12. katharos

    katharos New Member

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    wow. I could not agree with you more.

    I started dating my boyfriend when I was 17, he was 20. We are still dating, but after finishing my first year of college I do feel like I am retreating into his life. At this point, he already has a 9-5 job and I feel almost like I've been plunged into a marital type relationship. That is not healthy for a 19 year old.

    "It is probable that she would retreat towards me, to some extent: sacrifice college life and devote herself to me. This would create some serious resentment towards me and be horrible."

    That is how I feel now, and it is terribly painful. I love him very very much, as I am sure your girlfriend loves you. But now I am in constant limbo over whether I should break up with him, and lose the best boyfriend I could ever ask for, or stay with him and always wonder what life would be like without him.

    I think it is important to let her go. Let her experience college and decide what she wants to do with her life. The feelings of resentment were impossible for me to avoid, even with the depth of our relationship... and now I feel stuck.

    So, be confident in your decision.. I think it is the right one. It is probable that she will come back to you.. if you are still willing.
     
  13. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I think it depends on the person. I'm 19, have been living with my bf for a year now (hes 20). We both have FT jobs (630-4 and 7-4) and a lot of people joke we're just like a married couple without the rings & license. But then again we dealt with a LDR for the first 6 months of our relationship so we had our time apart. Neither of us are going away for college though, and have the same interests and ideas for our future. We dont feel like we've missed out on anything, either.

    But if either of you feel like your missing things, you'll definitely probably feel resent someday. Its all about doing whats best for you, which could ultimately be the best for both :)
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    This is going to be fucking hard. When I got with her I was fairly identifiable as "the jealous type." I'm changing my stripes here. aaahhhhhh
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    it involves developing the ability to distinguish between fun and depth
     
  16. whelen1

    whelen1 New Member

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    At least you are approaching this with decent thought. Im in a 1000 mile LDR right now and won't be able to see her until January/February 07....
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    She has this laugh, I'm thinking of two of them now, the one when she's being entertained and it's throaty, and the one where she's on top of the humor, more of a chuckle, an appreciative chuckle exactly, it's so sexy. It's this confident I'm above you looking down you can smell me with my breasts above you. I dunno.

    It would be so easy to lie and wait but I won't. I'm just afraid that I'll go out there and fuck other women and date but I'll still be in love with her and she'll be gone. I know I have to stop thinking this way. Well I'm a little depressed right now, that's probably all I'm really feeling.
     
  18. Jinsoba

    Jinsoba Left nut crew, holla.

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    :hug:

    What you've decided is very admirable, and it's good to know that it seems you knew what to expect out of this to certain extent. It's ok that you're feeling depressed right now, just don't let it linger around forever. It always helps to talk to someone about it, and you already know one place to do that. ;)
     
  19. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Thx. I'm feeling fine now, that was a momentary wave of angst this morning.
     
  20. TheGetUpkid

    TheGetUpkid New Member

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    :hug:

    You'll have days where you will barely think about her, and than other days where you can't stop thinking about her. And I agree with Jinsoba about being depressed as its all part of the grieving period.
     

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