I've posted here a few times about a girl I like. At first I was getting mixed signals, and then good signals, and I thought I was on a role. I was so stoked, so happy and ready to ask her out. Yesterday I had her over for our first "real" date, we went out and came back to my place to just chat. We talked for a few hours, and then when she left I got a surprise. She didn't want to lead me on (anymore than she already had), and that she wasn't leading a very "boyfriendable" life right now. I was so damn surprised that I was speechless and she left. When I thought about it, I smelt something more than just time that she didn't have. And I phoned her, she wasn't home but today (about 4 hours ago) she phoned me. We talked very openly about it all for a long time. I told her my concerns, how much I like her, and asked her what I should do. Try? Not bother? I told her I think she is worth the hassle, but since I've tried the friendship thing before, I also knew how hard it was. And it would be hard for her too. She told me she kinda liked me because I was so different from her friends, and that she never really expected anything to come of it. She said she didn't really want a boyfriend with anyone, just a crush that would never happen. She told me she likes me, but only sometimes. I'm not sure what this means. Obviously she's confused. She said there was no pattern, like, it's not me its just her. She's had this before (her last boyfriend after 4 months she realized she didn't really like him and had to end it). She's almost commitment retarded. I came out and told her it was frustrating, because I can't convince her to like me, but I wanted to so bad. The fact that she was so open about it was great. Still, she kept saying "I don't know." She seems so confused. She told me she didn't want to lead me on anymore. And that she was pushing away not so much because she doesn't like me, but because she doesn't know if she likes me. And she wanted to tell me quickly to save my feelings some. This may sound good, but she also beleives if it's not just "there" its not a good sign. We talked about so much but I'll post that later if people are interested. I felt so bad yesterday, and then about four hours after it happened my dad came home and asked what was going on. I seriously broke down. Into tears. I don't cry, and I felt so low and so fucked up. My dad was surprised, because I didn't even cry when my parents got divorced a year ago, I didn't cry when my grandparents died. It was so weird and I was just wondering "whats wrong with me, how can a girl do this to me so fuckin quick". As you can tell, it hurts, and I don't know what to do. Part of me feels like that was all I woke up for. And I know that's now true, but when you get a taste of this, it sucks to go back. Thanks for reading everyone.