SRS Omg... girls suck...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Gandin, Feb 20, 2005.

  1. Gandin

    Gandin New Member

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    I've posted here a few times about a girl I like. At first I was getting mixed signals, and then good signals, and I thought I was on a role. I was so stoked, so happy and ready to ask her out. Yesterday I had her over for our first "real" date, we went out and came back to my place to just chat. We talked for a few hours, and then when she left I got a surprise.

    She didn't want to lead me on (anymore than she already had), and that she wasn't leading a very "boyfriendable" life right now. I was so damn surprised that I was speechless and she left.

    When I thought about it, I smelt something more than just time that she didn't have. And I phoned her, she wasn't home but today (about 4 hours ago) she phoned me. We talked very openly about it all for a long time.

    I told her my concerns, how much I like her, and asked her what I should do. Try? Not bother? I told her I think she is worth the hassle, but since I've tried the friendship thing before, I also knew how hard it was. And it would be hard for her too. She told me she kinda liked me because I was so different from her friends, and that she never really expected anything to come of it. She said she didn't really want a boyfriend with anyone, just a crush that would never happen.

    She told me she likes me, but only sometimes. I'm not sure what this means. Obviously she's confused. She said there was no pattern, like, it's not me its just her. She's had this before (her last boyfriend after 4 months she realized she didn't really like him and had to end it). She's almost commitment retarded.

    I came out and told her it was frustrating, because I can't convince her to like me, but I wanted to so bad. The fact that she was so open about it was great. Still, she kept saying "I don't know." She seems so confused.

    She told me she didn't want to lead me on anymore. And that she was pushing away not so much because she doesn't like me, but because she doesn't know if she likes me. And she wanted to tell me quickly to save my feelings some. This may sound good, but she also beleives if it's not just "there" its not a good sign.

    We talked about so much but I'll post that later if people are interested.

    I felt so bad yesterday, and then about four hours after it happened my dad came home and asked what was going on. I seriously broke down. Into tears. I don't cry, and I felt so low and so fucked up. My dad was surprised, because I didn't even cry when my parents got divorced a year ago, I didn't cry when my grandparents died. It was so weird and I was just wondering "whats wrong with me, how can a girl do this to me so fuckin quick".

    As you can tell, it hurts, and I don't know what to do. Part of me feels like that was all I woke up for. And I know that's now true, but when you get a taste of this, it sucks to go back. Thanks for reading everyone.
     
  2. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    Hopefully this helps out! :o

    She did not want anything from you in the first place but later found out you are different from the rest. There is still something peculiar about you that makes her not want to be with you (may it be your looks, act, conversation, etc) and she's dropping very faint hints.

    Confusion of whether or not she likes you all the time is bad. No matter what, after her saying this, she is probably not a keeper. Who knows, maybe she still has feelings for someone else and doesn't want to hurt you so she's saying things aren't working out all the time. If she was into you and wanted to stay with you, she would not mention anything that second guesses her feelings for you.

    A person shouldn't learn to like you. That's going for second-best and you don't want that. When you do find that special person there will never be a "I don't know" about whether she likes you or not. It really does suck bad when you know you can't have something that you want badly.

    As I said earlier.. if she's "confused" at all about whether or not she likes you, the relationship probably will not last long. Things should click and stay.

    I feel really sorry for you man. Things like this get the best of us and there's nothing anyone can do about it. All I can say is try your best to have fun with your friends and get your mind off this girl. If she likes you, she will pursue you. Back off, and let her come. If she becomes more and more distant, call it quits man :hs:. Let time do it's work, and try your best to move on! Good luck with the girl.

    Cheers!
     
  3. Gandin

    Gandin New Member

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    Although yesterday I wasn't sure if I wanted to be her friend, today I decided I do. Although I agree it should click right away, I also think that she may be overthinking it all and turning herself off of me. I could be wrong, and I expect to be, but I'll never know if I don't persue a friendship. PLus, we communicate really well, get along better and are much the same, so I want her in my life. It may be hard, but it's worth it. She still hasn't said anything to me regarding trying, but I figure the longer she thinks the better off it is.

    I think if she digs deep enough she may see that she's pushing me away more out of fear than actual "not liking". This is only a theory of course. I think she fears what once happened with her ex boyfriend, and doesn't want to go through that again. Maybe it's my hopes getting in the way of my thoughts, but I do want a friendship, because some Laura is better than no Laura.

    We'll see how she reacts.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    It's normal if you have feelings of love for someone, i would say just keep on trying. Hope for the best prepare for the worst, and make the facts so that a relationship between you two indeed will happen.
     
  5. Gandin

    Gandin New Member

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    This is the email I got from her last night... it's pretty simple to understand, and I'd say it's over between us. I thought anyone reading would like to see regardless.

    Title: Cupid Missed

    I am sorry for my convoluted babbling on the phone last night. Here is what all those "i dont know"s meant:

    I don't like you enough to have a ldon'tterm relationship with you. I like you in a "he's so fascinating and unique" way. Its really more like a little crush. I can tell you right now that it wouldnt last more then a month or so. Honestly. Maybe that's not a reason that we should stop hanging out but it seems that if i cant imagine things going longer then that, then what's the point of going out? It would just cause us both a lot of heartache. It wouldn't be worth your suffering for the little that would come out of it.

    Quite possibly I am scared of commitment but this isn't really the time for me to sort it out. I think it would be selfish and cruel of me to go out with you, knowing that I don't want things to go on.

    I feel horrible (even though you told me not to) that i led you on, because i really did. I've been incredibly stupid and confusing. You have the right to say that girls are totally frusterating as well as complete idiots and that's coming from me, who can get pretty feminist at times. In fact if all girls acted the way i did (and thankfully they don't) it might be worth your while to become a monk.

    Anyways this is probably about as clear as mud so suffice to say that i'm not your girl. There are less crazy people out there somewhere, i promise.

    Signed

    So, after hearing it's pretty much out of reach now, it sucks, but at least I KNOW where I stand. I tried, and I won't ever ask "what if?" and I got a friend out of it. Also, even though it was short and sweet, I DID get some good times out of the whole ordeal, and in the end, I'd say the pain was worth a month of continuous smiling. For sure.

    I thought it would be worse off seeing her today than it was. Actually, I was quite impressed that she waited for me to walk her to fifth period like she has in the past, it at least shows she's willing to try a friendship. And maybe just maybe something else will come of it. And if not, well, I'll be optimistic and just be happy with what I do have, a friend and fond memories. I feel a lot better about it today. Thanks for the help everyone.
     
  6. ballistic

    ballistic I dunno, play chess...screw?

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    The one thing I can say in her defense is that she is mature enough to tell you straight out how she feels, even if it took her a while. Most girls won't even do you that courtesy.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Props to you for having the courage to post that letter. Hey, it's not such a bad letter anyway, she's quite gentle, and truthful. And gentle truth, though it may sting at times, is better than a well-crafted lie.

    Sounds like she could be a decent and worthwhile friend.

    Dating and mating are bound together, and physical attraction almost always comes first.

    A dull witted but handsome lad usually wins out over a smart, funny but (I'll be kind) less-handsome boy. Substitute "shy and awkward" for "smart and funny" and well...the road is long, isn't it?

    This isn't a comment about your physical looks because the other factor is that looks are quite relative (to hers). It's not all hopeless because you can develop "smart and funny" and that, in the long run, wins out over simple good looks.
     
  8. Gandin

    Gandin New Member

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    Yeah, I was VERY impressed by the way she acted throughout this whole ordeal. It hurts because I can't do anything about it, but it's truly nice to actually know where I stand for once. I feel a little given up on... but with time it will pass.

    Johan, what do you mean by the last three paragraphs? I'm confused at what you are getting at...

    Anyways, yes, the email was nice, as was the two hour conversation. All I have to decide now is how to be a friend when I obviously like her. I want her to be comfortable, but I don't want to treat it any different than I would any other friend. MAybe time again.
     

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