SRS "Older Brother" problem

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by driftwell, Jun 24, 2005.

  1. driftwell

    driftwell New Member

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    Alright... in appreciation for what you (asylum) do... i'll try and keep this as short as possible.

    My parents had a talk with me the other day regarding my sister because they don't know what to do.

    You see, my sister was a good girl (or at least she let everyone think she is) and was honest and responsible. She had a great/respectful BF at the time. THen she broke up with him.

    Fast forward to recently... now my sister is irresponsible, lies like hell and stays out later than i do (i'm 22 with a full time job... shes 17). I find out that she's seeing this 21 year old guy, and thus stems all of the problems. She's been ditching class AND work to see this guy. She'll tell everyone shes going to so and so's house and really go somewhere else with this guy. She's started drinking also and man she's just been a little idiot these days.

    My cousin sees her and this new BF at the mall one day (when she said she was working) and from my cousin's description... this guy looks like a low life thug.

    My parents tried talkin to her about it and even inviting the guy over so we can meet him... but she just doesn't listen and refuses everything my parents say.

    So now my parents are askin me for help cuz they don't know what to do.... I understand that sometimes you have to experience mistakes in order to learn from them... but this just seems like one of those instances where intervention is needed.
     
  2. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    There is really nothing you can do though. I was young and stupid like that too, and I am still alive/ and not pregnant :) She has to ride this one out. He will break her heart, and that will hurt. But she needs to grow up, and some people just need that from first hand experience. You could try sitting down and talking to her. But if you/ or your parents try to enforce a ridiculous set of rules she will just rebel and begin acting even worse than she is now.

    So my advice: ride it out, this is just growing up. Just make sure she is not putting heself into any "real" danger.
     
  3. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I think I agree with Insomniac. As painful as it is to see your sister go through a bad path in her life....coming down in her will push her away deeper still.

    Both you and your parents should be firm in letting her know you don't approve of this, but also let her know she's got your support and open arms if and when she ends up needing help down the road.

    We all have periods where we have to learn things the hard way.
     
  4. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    i went through the same thing wth my younger brother. it just takes time before she realizes what shes doing and unfortunately there is nothing anyone can do for her because she needs to figure this out on her own.
     
  5. driftwell

    driftwell New Member

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    i just don't want her getting preggy or doing any drugs or even drinking...

    this guy really has a bad influence on her
     
  6. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    :werd: as long as he's not a convicted serial killer, what harm is he? He's not the reason for her downfall. This is her choice. She's very strong willed at the moment so she will do what she wants. She will forget all about him once she goes to college, where she will probably meet guys who are even worse.

    I think all you can really do is be supportive. Talk to her and tell her that if she ever does have any problems with her boyfriend that she can come talk to you about it.

    She needs to be able to take responsibility for her actions. If you keep telling her that he's the reason for all of her problems, she will never learn to to make decisions for herself.
     
  7. driftwell

    driftwell New Member

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    so be it i guess... sometimes i just feel like there's something i can do to help this situation... and if leaving it be is it... then i guess it's what i'll do
     
  8. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Well, be available.... nobody wants her pregnant or involved in alcohol and drug abuse either. So just be there to occasionally remind her to make the correct choices and then you leave it up to her to put those choices to play down her own life path.
     
  9. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    You might try family counseling. Still, either your sister will grow up or she will gravitate towards some 3rd. rate trailer park. I think if your family doesn't make a lot of drama over this "bad guy boyfriend" and when she sees that you aren't all focused on her negative behaviour she might come back to reality.
     
  10. You're powerless. I would avoid getting involved. This is your parent's responsibility, not yours. If you make it your responsibility, you will be unhappy with the results. As her parents, it's entirely on their shoulders.

    As far as she goes: She's going through a stage of rebellion right now which may end in serious consequences, however -- once someone begins walking this road you really must let them experience those consequences and choose for themselves whether they can or can't cope with the results. If you try to intervene and protect her alone -- you'll see trouble. Try a group intervention instead where everyone meets at a specific location without her knowledge, and arrange that she meet you, or the family there at a set time. Think of it like a surprise Birthday gathering, only this is much more serious.

    The intervention between you, your parents, and perhaps anyone else in the family -- including her close friends, or others who love her may be a useful idea. The more people you bring to the table at once, and who sincerely want to help - the more likely you can convince her to change course before it's too late.

    I would not arrange the intervention. It's your parents responsibility. Pass the idea onto them, and then let go.
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Yes , FINISHED.

    Ground her, let her parent tell her that they shouldn't let the guy in the house. And if she keeps on going with this guy, along with her lying,yelling,stealing and other bad behaviour that she will get kicked out of the house.
     

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