FRK Old friend comes out with the truth...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by graffiti_vixen, Sep 27, 2004.

  1. Firstly, I have NO problem with people's fantasies, fetishes, or sexual preferences... I am semi-normal in bed and I like being that way, but I'm the last person that would ever tell someone it's wrong for being into what they're into.

    I have known a guy for over 2 1/2 years, we've been lovers off and on during that time. He hinted a few times that he was into domination and that he liked women with fake tits because he liked the idea of a woman permanently changing herself to please a man. These things were never issues, I just let him know that I'm not into dom and I won't be getting fake tits to please any man. Life went on...

    Then, last week I get a random email from him. He decided to spill his guts and tell all (why he picked that day, I dunno, but I had already had a horrible day at work and his email didn't help..)

    He went into this other life he has. He described sex with me as "marriage sex" ( :rant: ) and the other women in his life have their roles too. He went into very graphic detail about his favorite things: fisting, watching hardcore porn, orgies, "gigantic fake tits" ( <--his words ), bondage, "pretend rape", and various other demeaning acts towards women in bed.

    Again, I am NOT one to judge people who are into that stuff. My issue is, WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE TELL ME THESE THINGS BEFORE WE EVER HOOKED UP???? I feel that if you are confident in who you are and what you're into, you should be open with the people in your life. If he had told me these things when we first got together, no feelings would have been hurt, I would've wished him luck, and been on my way.

    I feel lied to and I feel dirty. He said that sex with me wasn't necessarily boring, but mundane :sad: .... He was afraid to tell me because he didn't want me to think he was weird or something.

    I feel cheated. Like, I was into it when we were together, but he wasn't. His mind was on all the dirty things he could do to me instead of enjoying what we had.

    Is it wrong for me to be pissed?? I'm tired of being so accepting and letting people that lie into my life. I see it like this: single parents SHOULD (and most do) tell people that they have kids at home. Most of them tell on the first date, so that there aren't any surprises later on. Point being: if there is something in your life that is very important to you, you should be honest with other people about it.

    ...sorry for the long post, any help? :dunno:
     
  2. contactone

    contactone OT Supporter

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    So what exactly are you pissed about? Is it that you missed out on that type of sex or that you feel sleeping with a guy like that is dirty? You yourself said that you're semi normal in bed. Sometimespeople don't deiscuss that freaky shit until they think their lovers can deal with it. He probably felt it wasn't worth telling you cause you didn't show interest in it.

    Like I said though, I'm not sure what you're pissed at or if this is even the right forum.:confused:
     
  3. Acesn8s

    Acesn8s The Deadman's Hand

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    This is a tough call, for me. He did give you hints at what he likes. He made an effort to be with you even though you weren't into the things he was. Are you going to hold it against him that he tried having a relationship with you?

    As for your feelings, sure you're allowed to feel upset. Just try to look at the high points of your relationship and move on.
     
  4. panzerfaust

    panzerfaust New Member

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    I'm having trouble understanding what it is that you are upset about. :dunno:
     
  5. _syn

    _syn New Member

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    That outlook about fake tits is fucking awesome.
     
  6. Luciano

    Luciano Guest

    Are you just pissed or are you gonna leave him over this? What i mean is, are you willing to discuss, break down some barriers, maybe try some new things, work this shit out? Or the other option is agree that y'all are different kinds of folks and go about your merry way?
     
  7. I'm pissed that it took him 2 1/2 years to let me know that we are on complete opposite sides of the sexual spectrum. How would you feel if someone told you that you were their 'marriage sex'.. ???
     
  8. There's no 'leaving him'.. we've never been in a relationship. He always refused to have anything more than sex with me.

    I'm not willing to try any of the things he's into. I don't plan on being with him anymore at all.

    I think we're just gonna go our separate ways now... :dunno:
     
  9. No, I'm not interested in his sexual tendencies at all.

    I chose this forum because he's into the 'freakyshiat' and I was hoping to get some open-minded opinions (that I know are mostly only found in this forum).

    And I just feel that, if you are into the f/s in bed, you should find other people who are also into it....NOT try to pretend you are semi-normal because you're afraid of what people will think...
     
  10. gibhunter

    gibhunter New Member

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    Did you at least use any protection when you two had sex? If not, then you might want to have yourself checked. I don't feel at all surprised that you feel dirty. I'd be shocked if you didn't.

    The way I look at it, is the guy stole two years from you that could've used to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. He isn't worth anymore of your time.
     
  11. Finally, someone who understands my frustration.

    Yes, we used protection, although he tried and tried to get me to change my mind about that. (I guess I just knew, subconciously, that I needed to protect myself from him)

    Thank you for your input.. I feel like we BOTH wasted two years.. like he could've been out with someone that was into the same shit, and I could've been out with someone that was into ME.

    He also went into how he'll never be monogamous. He said even when he gets married someday, he'll still be out fucking strippers to fulfill his fantasies.

    I just wonder, at what point do you grow out of it??? How can you live a happy life like that?? :dunno:
     
  12. Luciano

    Luciano Guest

    well fuck him......if he was just using you as a fuck buddy and you didnt know.

    When you said he said "marriage sex" i assumed it was a deeper relationship.
     
  13. JediRoger

    JediRoger New Member

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    As long as you left him, I still don't quite understand why he told you this now?
     
  14. Well, I used to try to get him to make it more than just sex, but his excuse was always "I'll just end up hurting you".. now, I get it.. he's right.
     
  15. I don't know why he chose this time either. He said he was waiting for the 'right time'... is there any such thing?? And if there is, it must take a helluva long time for that 'right time' to roll around.
     
  16. liquidPoop

    liquidPoop .........................

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    it was just a fuck buddy, had to end eventually :dunno:
     
  17. Luciano

    Luciano Guest

    still though......what a shitass
     
  18. Muchacho_Gasolino

    Muchacho_Gasolino New Member

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    well sounds to me like if he wanted a fuck buddy or sex that is not "mundane" he would want some girl who did all that shit he is into, and it sounds like he already has a bunch of those.
    maybe he likes you :dunno:
    you also sound like you've already written off everything he is interested in as "dirty", so i dont think you are coming into this with the most open mind. try talking to him about it.
     
  19. PhoenixINX

    PhoenixINX New Member

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    Yeah, I'm seeing a bunch of guys crap talk him... How about thinking about this, why did he NOT tell her?

    ... uhhhh, look at her reaction? Maybe this guy liked her enough that he DID want to be with her, and then liked her enough to TRUST him with honesty. Instead she has show her ugly beast by not being able to be mature enough to talk with him. Point blank... he didn't say sh** because of this reaction we're seeing.

    If you're mature enough to have sex, you're mature enough to open up and be honest with people. More so, to NOT put someone in a position where they don't feel like they can open up to you.
     
  20. Luciano

    Luciano Guest

    But if im into let say a blood fetish, and you're not, would we be compatible?
    If something is a major part of your life, you dont hide it for months and months just to keep someone around. If you really care about someone and want them around for a long time, wouldnt you find out early if its gonna work out?
    I think that he has a way of life that he enjoys, but its not a way of life that she enjoys...i call him a shit ass for wasting time and being embarrassed for what he likes. Shitass
     
  21. PhoenixINX

    PhoenixINX New Member

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    You obviously live your life thinking you're far different, and/or better than someone who isn't to what you are. It doesn't make you any better, or make them more/less of a person... it's of an interest.

    I'm not notioning that this is going to help their relations any! :rofl: However it does not defer that there most likely was a level of emotion, due to the time that was spent together. You cannot have physical relations with someone for two years and NOT care about them... you just can't.

    The mature thing to do would be to sit down, talk, and learn about each other. He respected her enough to NOT involve her, because he knew she wasn't into it. More so, respected her enough to let her know the truth once he was ready.

    Kudos to him for finally coming out.

    :greddy: to the leghumpers on here who are going to sit an s***talk someone for being different.
     
  22. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    you shouldn't really feel cheated.. You said yourself, you were into it when you were with him. He wasn't? Too bad for him. A major part of my enjoyment is what I can do for the other person, but at the end of the day you have to look after your own needs.

    At least he's finally shown his true colours, it looks like you're best off going your separate ways from now on.
     
  23. Luciano

    Luciano Guest

    ^word

    Please understand that i dont think what he does or likes makes him less of a person, for those things are matter of his opinion. Which might i add he has every right to have.
    My opinion is that only shitasses arent themselves to make themselves "more attractive" to someone elses lifestyle.

    I stand firm on my "shitass".
     
  24. pixie

    pixie on one wild ride :naughty:

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    I feel he should have been more open from the start. Being open & honest gives everyone an even chance to know if it was going to work out. He knew how he felt, & that nothing was going to be as permanate & manogomus as she would want them to be. She had "hints" that he wanted something different than what they had, while he knew it-that is unfair. If you are going to sleep with someone, especially if you are going to do so for 2 & 1/2 freaking years, be honest. It'll save you both pain.



    & this could possible become heated. Everyone please keep it civil, if it gets out of hand it will be locked for a cool down period. There have already been some boarderline responses. Keep everything non-personal here, do not attack someone elses opinion. Thanks
     
  25. Luciano

    Luciano Guest

    I would like to know what graffiti_vixen has to say about all the opinions.
     

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