LGBT Ok so I came out... (this is ugly) Need help

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by willd_86, Jul 13, 2004.

  1. willd_86

    willd_86 New Member

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    OK to save a lot of trouble (tho for some... entertainment...) i'm just gonna cut to the chase. I'm 15/bi (sure about the girl part never been w/a guy but pretty sure about that) and came out to my best friend last week. I'll just call him todd. Anyway, from the time i've known him he is undoubtedly gay (too much to tell) and i'm pretty sure he likes me considering he's jamming his limbs into me whenever we see a movie/sit next to each other and i've woken up in the middle of the night when we've been next to each other in sleeping bags or somethin and his hand has been on my face or his legs on top of mine. (The first instance i took the hand off and he hypervenalated for 30 minutes then went back to sleep but claims he was never awake...) That is just y i think he likes me/not y i think he's gay.

    Anyway so he took it pretty well at first started makin inside jokes that night around my friends. He didn't believe it really either i dun think (i am literally about the str8est guys ever). Talked to him that night he realized i was serious and the next day my friend is over at his house and i had just woken up/signed online and he said he wanted to talk about it. Friend found out b/c [Todd] is a dumbass and left the window up and went to the bathroom...

    From the way he acts (VERY touchy/always thinking of ways to act gay/can't think of a str8 thing about him) u would think that he was already accepting of himself and would be ready to come out as well but he's professing str8ness and making up excuses (admittedly at this point) about reasons why it should freak him out (other than if i was attracted to him which i told him i wasn't... little white lie). Won't be seeing him for about two weeks, as he's gone on a trip (i'm leavin tomorrow as well but will be back thurs to check up on this), but he just left and at night he says that he's had trouble sleeping lately/can't go to sleep.

    In sum i've got a very gay guy who is deeeep in the closet and wants to stay there and i dun know how to get him out. He pretends to be disgusted about the thought of guys and says he just acts gay to make fun of it rather than him actually being gay. However that does not explain his constant boners around guys when no girls are in sight and he's just touched them... I asked him a few months ago if he was and he threw some cover and i think i pushed him back in by doin that (not in the way he acts but in his acceptance). He's told me plenty of times tho that i'm the most trustworthy person he knows and he basicly entrusts me w/anything from simple stuff to his email passwords (don't ask me i didn't ask him... lol), so i thought that coming out to him would be a catalyst but apparently he's so deep in it that its looking like it will take a lot more than that. He's said that i can't act gay around him/no gay jokes either anymore (didn't really do that much in the first place anyway) and that he wants me to get a gf/am not bi/am just confused... very confusing indeed.

    After reading the forums here i sorta got the idea that a lot of gay guys don't come out/accept it till they are married w/children. This is dissapointing but i'm sure somethin can be done to ease him along. I have to go for two days and then after that leave for quite a while (is why i'm posting now and not then) but would really appreciate some advice on this. Questions answered when i get back as well, thanks all!
     
  2. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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    First thing everyone here is going to tell you is don't try to get him out before he's ready. I think what you have to ask yourself is: would it be possible for you to continue to be his friend and ignore his acting gay? If not, then I think you have friendship issues that you're going to need to deal with. If so, then I'd have to say let him be for now and when he's ready he'll come to you.

    From what you're saying, it sounds like you're worried that if he doesn't come out then he'll wind up being closeted forever. I wouldn't worry about that yet. I'm 22 and from my experience, a lot of people become more accepting of their sexuality when they hit their late teens, especially when they go to college. Changing environments for me was the best thing that could've happened.

    I think the best you can do for your friend right now is to help him be comfortable with himself. By this I mean, try to limit any hostile comments or behavior towards anything which might be considered "gay." Don't be paranoid about it and get defensive when your other friends say things, you may inadvertantly out yourself by doing that; just try not to gay bash. There's really nothing you can do about your other friends, just make sure that you're cool about it. Sometimes all it takes is one good friend to make the difference. My own friends' hostility toward fags in high school made me absolutely sure that I wasn't going to come out at the time, in fact it pushed me into denial.

    This is a situation which needs to be handled delicately. Like I said before, whatever you do, don't try to get him out before he's ready. The most you can do right now is just to be a good friend to him. Best of luck.
     
  3. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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    One more thing. I have a friend, not really a close one, just sort of a friendly acquaintance, who is really really gay. I mean he loves shopping, is obsessed with QAF, only hangs out with girls and his best friends are gay. He has many of the stereotypical homosexual mannerisms as well. He's 23 and yet he constantly denies that he's gay. NOBODY would be surprised if he came out, because everyone I know thinks he's gay. From your description, he sounds a lot like your friend Todd. My point is that he's not out, for whatever reason he's not comfortable coming out, but that's his choice. He's perfectly happy living life the way he is, and I'm happy for him. It's nobody's place to force him out, he'll just come out when he's ready.
     
  4. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    I'm proud of Cedric's response and he is 100% spot on. Take his advice.
     
  5. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    take him at his word that he's straight.
    I have a few very effeminate friends who are 100% straight.

    So, you may be reading the signs wrong too.

    Focus on yourself. Let him figure out his sexuality in his own time.
     
  6. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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    With Todd still being in the closet, go off of what Sam said and be careful about what you are thinking. With you being attracted to him, it could be (possibly) clouding your judgement slightly. Kind of like, "If he comes out, then we can...?" Ill let you finish that since your the one who knows him, not me. If you get attached in any other way then friends and he may just want friendship, other issues and drama will occur if he gets a different siignificant other.

    FWIW, I came out at 21 to the majority of my friends/family. There were a few that knew a little before then. :naughty: Todd still has the rest of his life ahead of him, let him figure out his sexuality on his own, then you know you will still at least have a great friend.

     
  7. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    I have a friend like that :squint:
     
  8. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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    sorry I couldn't resist.;)
     
  9. Taylor

    Taylor Guest

    No, I am definitely out and honest about it :bigthumb:

    CoCo knows who I'm talking about :mamoru:
     
  10. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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