Ok, getting over a relationship

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by t-t-t-today, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    Girlfriend broke up with me on tuesday the 15th. She said I never listened to her and that she is fed up with it. I admit i was an asshole. She was the sweetest girl i've ever meet and I fucked it up with her. If I wasn't such a condescending prick to her then I wouldn't of lost her. We were together for 1 year and 2 months.

    I just feel so much guilt. She was a true sweetheart. She never wanted anything from me except my love, attention, and understanding. I took her for granted and now i've lost her. I feel so bad for breaking her heart by not being nicer to her....and I think that is going to be something I am going to have a hard time living with.

    I've called her up and apologized to her and begged her to give me another chance. She kept saying that her heart wont let her but that she still cares and loves me. She keeps saying she needs time. I want her back, I would do anything for another chance with her. Should I give her a few weeks and call her up?
     
  2. Autorotate

    Autorotate New Member

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    Learn from your mistakes and move on.
     
  3. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    .

    Leave her alone. Calling her up in a few weeks is only going to bring the hurt you caused her back to the surface.
     
  4. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    i'm still in denial. I just can't bring myself to let her go. She meant the world to me. She changed my life and inspired me to be a better person. I don't think i'll ever not love her. Every time I think of her i'm going to hate myself for losing her. I'm such a mess right now.

    I don't really have any friends. She was really all I had and I was so happy with her in my life. I'll always remember her. God I would do anything to hold her in my hands one last time. FUCK!
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Umm, you already had a second chance? Remember the last thread?

    Learn from your mistakes, suck it up and move on. She deserves to have someone that wont be a dick to her if she is such a great catch.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    And like I told you in your last thread-the fact that she was pretty much your only friend and WHOLE world would have just ended in fail anyway. You need to go out and find your own life and friends.
     
  7. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    This reeks of HS. Go date someone else, she'll see it or hear about it if you two have mutual friends (or take said female to a place where a friend of her works), she gets jealous... calls you back.

    Basically, suck it up. It's gonna hurt for awhile. If you want any chance of getting her back you're gonna have to stop calling/contacting her.

    On a different note, I agree with everyone else... give up, move on. If you were gonna be together, it will happen someday.
     
  8. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    She got teased and picked on a lot in school. She only has 1-2 girlfriends and that's it. I was everything to her as well.

    The hardest part about all this is all the times we spent telling each other that we were gonna be together forever. All the times she told me that i'm the man of her dreams and that she will never let me go. And then she goes and breaks up with me. I thought that we could work through whatever problems we had, but this time it's so permanent. Neither of us ever imagined that this would happen to us, I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives with each other. It's so painful.
     
  9. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    *cue November Rain*
     
  10. 17%

    17% New Member

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    just like i told you in your last thread; you were supposed to change and you didn't.

    the relationship failed like i said it would because you did not change.

    you still haven't changed, and you will only consider changing now because you are being threatened to live without her.

    she will not see your change if you constantly tell her you have changed.

    i feel that you just need to rant your feelings. it's cool man, it happens to a lot of us.

    don't get sad, get angry. focus the anger to something productive (like starting over in school). show that "girl who broke up with you" what you are made of.
     
  11. 17%

    17% New Member

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    unless you're made of bullshit and you really haven't changed.
     
  12. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    The best thing to do is to move on and to learn from your mistakes.
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I know this is much easier said than done, but you need to accept the fact that she's not going to take it back.

    Look it at from her perspective. If she's such a great girl, why should she take you back? She already gave you one chance to change your ways, and you didn't. She knows she deserves someone who treats her well, so she is saying "no, I can do better".

    Sometimes you only get one second chance. Think about it: Would you really want to be with someone who keeps taking back a guy who doesn't change his ways?

    And yeah, the relationship didn't sound too healthy on your end, but it's only been 5 days. Anyone getting out of a relationship would still be hurting after only 5 days.
     
  14. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    So you were a selfish prick and she finally got hurt enough to leave and now you won't leave her alone and let her heal because it's not what you want? :bowrofl:
     
  15. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    You fucked up, you realized it, its a lfie lesson, take it and move on man.
     
  16. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Woah, I was just there 4 months ago, literally just there with that EXACT same scenerio.. I made it MUCH MUCH MUCH worse by not giving her the space she asked for and needed. Best advice, do NOT contact here at ALL! she will come to you when she is ready... It's going to be difficult is hell, but trust me brother, I fucked it up BIG time... and I had a few chances...

    She needs space and time to think, and if you give her enough space she will most likely consider things and probably give it another chance, at which point you need to take things REAAAAL easy. She's very hesitant right now, probably like an abused puppy, trust takes time to rebuild, so stick to your word and give her the space she needs.

    I wish I had someone to fucking knock me out, each time I called her or sent her an e-mail...

    P.S: People on here have no idea what the fuck they're talking about... If you truly love this girl and realized you made some really stupid moves, your redemption comes now, from sucking it up and giving her space... I'm not saying this WILL work for sure, but in all likelyhood, in most cases people do get second chances if they play their cards right. She obviously still has feelings for you, so ease up on her...

    TRUST ME, I was in EXACTLY the same situation... Except now my girl thinks im a fucking psycho and is probably afraid of me lol
     
  17. formul8

    formul8 New Member

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    I heard that same shit from my last G/F too. I see it this way: easier said than done. Actions speak louder than words.

    My advice - do not contact her. Do not beg, plead or crawl. No matter how much you feel you have to. It hurts, it sucks, but it makes you appear desperate and weak. You fucked up, time to pay the price.

    If you can't be happy by yourself, you won't be happy with anyone else. Move on.
     
  18. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I think it boils down to two things, the first thing to consider is if you truly believe and understand the mistakes you made and wish to redeem yourself you have to man up right now and not contact her, and I mean at ALL for at least 1 full month, preferably two, at the end of this time you can send her a quick e-mail just saying how you've been hope her well and see if she maybe wants to do a coffee just to chat, if she accepts at that point than just go and have an easy going time to clear the air and don't even spend more than 45mins together... You really need to EASE back into things.

    Most importantly though do not contact her, in many ways its even best not to contact her at all, especially if she said she needs space (this was my mistake)

    Secondly, did you really treat her like shit? Or is she simply a quite person where you may be a more assertive person.. Do you really not listen to her? Or do your communication styles simply not line up. Is she a very defensive sensitive and internal person? one that bottles up her anger, uses passive aggression? That was my ex, and although I did make a lot of dumb mistakes, the point is another woman in her place would have dealt with the situation much differently and it would have never come down to the point of the break up.

    I'm trying to say that some people aren't compatible. I know right now its difficult to see it, because your in an emotional haze, with a bruised ego. Just remember that it ALWAYS takes two to Tango, and you may be demonizing yourself right now, but its probably and was probably not ALL your fault.

    Regardless, space is the best thing for both of you.


    Also, this talk about 'changing' ... You are who you are, and although of course you can change to some degree it takes MANY years, of careful work will power and observation... if someone does not love you for who you are, with ALL the bad and GOOD, then it just won't work....

    Love is not trying to find perfection, but it is seeing someone imperfect perfectly.
     
  19. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    chlywly- your pretty dead on about the communication problem. She has a terrible mother. Her mom doesn't show affection and she never really communicated with her kids. Her father is a very good man but he is a workaholic. He still communicates with her, but not as deeply as he should. For example they never talk about each other's feelings or anything. Her brother has a behavioral disorder and is addicted to drugs. Therefore she has trouble telling me what is on her mind, how something makes her feel, etc.

    I know many of you will say "run", but she herself is a very good person. She knows that she has trouble communicating, and she tries her best to work on it. I think the way to get her to comfortably open up to me would be to create an environment for her where she is comfortable telling me things without fear of me critisizing her. Not that I would critisize her, I would just always look at her problems and try to tell her what she should do to fix it and then I would start pushing her to do that. She didn't like being pushed, and I just did it so much that she started thinking that we argue too much. I'll say it again, I love her. Even if she decided never to talk to me again I would still love her. She was nice to EVERYBODY, she always tried to help others, and she supported me through thick and thin. I just pushed her away by not supporting her the right way. I would still take her back in a second and try to work on the relationship to make it work.

    I'll wait a month, if I don't hear from her i'll call her up and ask her if she would like to meet up somewhere.
     
  20. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    people say a lot of things when a relationship is feeling good. however, its quickly forgotten when it turns sour. always take those sort of things w. a grain of salt.

    back to your scenario.

    if you really love her and want her back dont listen to some of these people.

    yes, give her space. no, 2 weeks wont be enough.

    just leave her be for a while. she will communicate with you if she misses you. at that point ask her out on a date and see where it goes. just dont push the issue.
    remember, you're the one that fucked up.
     
  21. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Dude my ex had the same problem, a different family problem but the same underlying problem... She had TERRIBLE trouble communicating or sharing any of her feelings, especially when she felt frustrated. She would try to avoid conflict, and inevitably bottle things up until it got to a bad point.

    You're absolutely right, the only thing you could do is create an environment that's comfortable for her and she will communicate on her own accord at her own pace... My problem was also 'pushing' her too much, and it made her feel criticized, often over taken and dominated... it's really nothing more than a mismatch of personalities... but if you think you want to give her another shot, take my advice, do NOT contact her at ALL, no texts, calls, e-amils NOTHING. for a minimum of one month. It will be hard, but TRUST me... Then keep it quick, simple and easy.
     
  22. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    Ok update:

    I haven't called her/texted her/ emailed her in 1 week. She hasn't made any contact with me either. I check her myspace 1-2 times a day just to see if she mentions anything about me. Well about an hour ago she changed her status to "in a relationship" and in the section where you write who you would like to meet, she wrote "already found him".

    I don't know if this is about me that she is talking about. But it KILLED me when I saw it because the fact that she has already jumped into another relationship after only about 10 days means she must have not cared about me or something.

    Should I contact her now just to see what is up? Maybe she will tell me the truth that she has found someone else? Please I want her back so badly.
     
  23. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Sounds like she found what she was looking for with someone else dude, I suggest you do the same.
     
  24. teep

    teep New Member

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    you could if you want. it might just make things worse though. everything people are saying about space is dead on. sometimes you just have to let go. my ex is with someone else right now. kills me every day, but you just have to bite down and keep moving forward :hs:
     
  25. korverftw

    korverftw New Member

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    Same thing happened to me, OP. If you were being a jerk to her you were obviously bored with the relationship anyway. I realized that about a month after I got dumped for the same reason. You're just still in shock from the whole thing. There are millions of other chicks just like her.

    Move on.
     

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