SRS off the list for something i can't change...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by EyesForTheSkies, Oct 13, 2005.

  1. EyesForTheSkies

    EyesForTheSkies God made me funky...

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    recently after comming out of a 3 year on /off go nowhere bullshit relationship, i met this amazing guy who is completely enthralled w/ me... we get along great, share alot of the same views, have amazing conversations, he loves my kid, and basically could be the one... it's hard to explain, the chemistry is just perfect...

    when we first talked, i disclosed to him that i am a recovered drug addict, and that because of my past, i had contracted hepatitis c... he was completely cool with it... and actually said that he had a lot of respect for me, becuase it took a lot for me just to come out and say that...

    since we've been getting to know eachother better, i learned that he is a complete hypochondriac, and has this huge complex about being "dirty" or "diseased" stemming from this really fucked up part of his childhood...

    last night, we had the talk to find out eachothers feelings and everything...
    basically he told me that as much as he was attracted to me and despite the fact that he thinks i'm completely amazing, he couldn't get involved because
    he's "hep paranoid" and couldn't get sexual without "pulling his hair out"--- despite being fully aware that it's not spread thru household interaction and the risk of sexual transmisison is less than 1 %, and nonexistant when condoms are used...

    he wants us to be "best friends"... but i don't know if i can be around him, and potentially fall for him knowing i'm already crossed off his list...

    i guess i just want to know if this is something that people can get over---
    like with counseling or whatever--- or if it's already a lost cause... i told him that if he wanted to continue to live as a victim of his neurosis, that was fine... but we both know we'd be missing out on something potentially amazing...

    i am newly diagnosed, and this is the first time that it has ever affected anything having to do w/ other people... and that's why i wasn't completely devistated by having it, and--- and aside from alcohol and tylenol-- have lived like i didn't... now i am shocked and horrified to know that people won't want me because of this...especially since it never fazed my ex even a little bit...

    so i guess my question is how should i proceed?.. should i just try to be his friend... or would it be better just to let him go, because what i want from him i probably could never have...
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2005
  2. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Girl, I don't usually get into giving advice to women because it's not my speacialty, but the correct course of action here is simple.

    I know you think he is a great guy, and probably is, but you owe yourself more than to sit there on the sidelines hoping that he will change his mind. Seriously, do you know how silly that sounds?

    You should respect yourself more than that. If this man has given you his answer, then that is the answer. Accept it and move on. Don't allow yourself to sit there in limbo hoping that someday he will decide he likes you, you deserve better than that so don't settle for less.
     
  3. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I agree. I would not settle. You could spend years trying to get him to come around, right? But why? You know what your standards are, and what you need. Let him go, and focus on finding a guy out there who CAN accept you for who you are.

    I'm not sure, but I bet there are groups for folks who are Hep+ and you may be able to date within that group. Not only could you probably find someone who you like as much - or more - but if you both have Hep then it's a non-issue.

    Besides, what kind of role model is he going to be for your kid? I am sure you can do better. :)
     
  4. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    I think he should get counseling, you have you're own stuff that will have consequences...So try and get along...Make the best of the situation.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    He needs help for his psychiatric disorder. Yes, it's a psychiatric disorder. It's not a cute little thing he has that'll be worked out in a few months.

    Naw he's had it all his life and it controls him. It determines the direction of his life, and seriously limits the quality of it too.

    He should be in therapy.

    And you should not be with him. You already knew this. That's why you came here.

    Because you knew something wasn't right.
     
  6. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    most relationships aren't forever. he has a right to be scared. regardless of the percentage of the risk, there is a risk. risks are a part of life, but we choose what we do and do not want to do.

    i'm not saying that not being with you is the wrong thing to do. he has to decide that for himself. he's probably worried (and i don't think it's psychotic for him to think this) that you two will have sex, he'll catch hep-c, and the relationship... for one reason or another... will be over.

    hep-c is a lifelong companion. maybe he's just not ready for that :(
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    absolutely!
     
  8. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    Hey how long ago were you diagnosed? My cousin had Hep C from sharing straws. But he went to the doctor recently and they did not find it active in his blood. So I think it must have went into remission.
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    To be fair people, we don't know for a fact that this guy even really has this problem. It could be an excuse just to let her down easy. Maybe its true, but then again, maybe it's not.

    Regardless, this man is not for you. Move on.
     
  10. EyesForTheSkies

    EyesForTheSkies God made me funky...

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    i was diagnosed in either july or august... im still waiting on the bloodwork to tell me which strain i have... some strains respond really well to treatment, and some dont'... and yet others people are more easily able to "clear" from their systems on their own... so it all depends on what the results are...
     
  11. EyesForTheSkies

    EyesForTheSkies God made me funky...

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    im not going to dredge up all the personal things about his past that he disclosed to me just to support what i said--- but i do know for a fact that he has alot of issues about diseases and is a raging hypochondriac... i also know that he has feelings for me... if he was just trying to "let me down easy" he wouldnt still be comming to my house everynight and spending the night w/ me sleeping w/ his arms around me...


    and besides... how the hell is that an "easy letdown"?..
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2005
  12. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    What was your addiction? Just wondering if you don't mine me asking. Sounds like your guy friend has deeper issues.
     
  13. EyesForTheSkies

    EyesForTheSkies God made me funky...

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    heroin... i've been clean now for a pretty long time...
     
  14. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You mean you don't know? Ha! Women have perfected the easy let down, and it's why a lot of guys don't get the hint to move on.

    Why is this guy sleeping with his arms around you if he told you he wasn't interested in being more because of your condition? You should tell him to be a man and make up his freaking mind. It's not right for him to send you mixed signals.
     
  15. EyesForTheSkies

    EyesForTheSkies God made me funky...

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    there really arent mixed signals... the only thing that contradicts his actions or words was the one statement about him thinking he wouldn't be able to get sexual because of my hep... and that's fine... i just don't know if i should keep him around and fall for him knowing i'm not gonna be able to have him...

    and i still don't understand what you meant about the whole "easy letdown" thing.... please do clarify...
     
  16. EyesForTheSkies

    EyesForTheSkies God made me funky...

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    Update:

    the other day we were im'ing and i told him that i didn't think we should hang out anymore... anyway... he protested and we got in a big argument and after a while i was just like fuck it forget we had this talk...

    fast forward to last sat. nite...
    we went to see some bands w/ my friend & her fiance... we were having some drinks and a great time... when who should walk in but my ex...
    so i went to talk to him... and everytime i went to get a new drink, he and i would end up chatting... and then the next day my friend called to tell me how hurt he looked when i'd get up and be gone talking to my ex...

    now if he didn't have feelings, why would he be jealous and hurt when i talked to someone else?..
     
  17. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    This is just silly. You need to tell this guy to quit being a little bitch and that if he likes you then he needs to do something. If he doesn't do anything then you are moving on. It's that simple. You should not have to sit there and wait for this guy to make up his mind. He either wants to be with your or he doesn't, there is no in between and neither should you settle for that.

    If I was this guys friend, I would kick his ass for being such a Nancy.
     

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