SRS Obtrusive manipulative requests (family, friends, etc...)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JHM, May 13, 2009.

  1. JHM

    JHM New Member

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    I am tired from this requests:

    - Please close the door after me (some one from my family ask to close the door) when they can close the door lock by using their own keys
    - Please watch my baby this 1-2 hours (sometimes this 1-2 hours continues to 5-9 hours) when they must care about their babies itself
    - Please upload to my computer this movie to my "Recieve" folder. While as they can download it from my computer manually (They don't want to do that, because then they must find folder, where movie is stored)
    - Please find in Internet for me this music, document, something for school, prices, etc... (If I tell them "Therefore, find it itself", they answer "You searching better than me")
    - Please give me money ($1-$10), I will return back it tomorrow (that never happening, usually they give me back money after one-two weeks, when I call them and implore them to return money back)
    - Please give me drink water (When friends knock to my door)
    - Please give me your mobile phone, I want to call
    - Give me to try your bicycle (street guys)
    - ...
    - ...
    - ...

    devil!

    I so tired from their requests. Its extra horrible, because I can't abandon from it without offences.

    I think the hour has struck to release law about restriction of manipulative requests. Do you familiar with some influential congressman? :) Or do you have other advices, how to become free from this requests? I always pay money, when ask someone to do something (while I don't rich), rather - I usually don't ask peoples things, which they don't want to do for me, why they can't deal like me?

    I have idea: when they will ask me, I just will give/send/tell address them special visit card, where written special web-site, where my official position about manipulative requests, etc... But it not decide problem with family who ask me to close the door after those, who don't have key or don't want spend time to use keys for closing the door, for this case I will rent independent home unit :)

    Recently I found the good book about it "The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It -- And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever (Paperback)", but I still want to hear what you think about this problem ;)
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2009
  2. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    "no"



    learn it, live it, love it.
     
  3. 9c1 driver

    9c1 driver New Member

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    I have found that by delaying a response can give you that extra 5 seconds to consider more of what you really want to say instead of rushing to give someone the response they are hoping for
     
  4. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    grow a backbone and don't be such a push over.
     
  5. lol really this. it seems like you are too concerned about what they think. i am lucky enough to not care what ppl think, even if it's friends. dont get me wrong, i am one of the more helpful ppl in the world, but i get pleasure in cutting ppl off (even family members) if they abuse our relationship.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    1) Say NO.

    2) Don't do the request.

    3) "Why didn't you do what I asked?"

    4) I told you NO.

    5) Repeat as necessary. It will eventually sink in.




    oh and...eventually...

    6) "You're an asshole."

    7) "Yep" and you man up, and move out.
     
  7. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    this is the thing I don't get. someone abuses a friendship and, when they're told no, all the sudden the guy who said 'no' is the asshole. how's that work?

    I got a call at 7:30am on a saturday morning asking if I could go fix a friend's computer. my answer was "are you fucking kidding me?" and I hung up and went back to sleep. who calls someone at 7:30am on a saturday?? and then somehow *I* was the asshole, NOT the guy who called me and woke me up at 7:30am on a saturday morning.

    wtf.
     
  8. JHM

    JHM New Member

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    Thank you for replies ;)

    I really feel that I need buy & read following in topic start book :p
     
  9. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    what?
     
  10. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    Don't sleep so late.

    Tell him to call you back at a reasonable hour to discuss it.

    win/win
     
  11. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    How'd I miss this! No gym for home?
     
  12. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    don't call someone at 7:30am on a saturday.

    win/I don't give a fuck
     
  13. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    10p cutoff

    8a kickoff?

    i think it's strange that you don't allow calls at 7:30a, anyone that I've ever known has been fine with early calls on the weekends. Hell, my Mother calls us at a 6:15
     
  14. weezyfbaby

    weezyfbaby New Member

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    for those of us who actually like to get sleep when we can, 7:30 AM on a Saturday morning is ridiculous
     
  15. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Them: - Please do "blah blah blah blah blah blah."
    Me: I'm going to go ahead and let you take care of it.

    Them: I want your "blah blah blah blah"
    Me: How's it feel to want?

    Side Note: It's important to only say this when you feel the requests are inconvenient and or you're being taken advantage. It's a give and take issue. If someone never gives back and you don't feel like it, say no, but if they've been helpful to you and the request is reasonable, give (if you want). If you don't, then say no.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2009
  16. Silmatharien

    Silmatharien OT Supporter

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    Who wants to work 14 hours a day, 7 days/week? :ugh:
     
  17. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I would never call someone after 9pm or before 9am unless they specifically asked/said I could.
     
  18. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    yep.

    I've got a friend who calls at all different hours, because when his computer is down he's not making money.

    But when I call him and say I need 4 yards of loam, the truck is pulling in my driveway by the time I get my yardwork clothes on.

    It's all give/take.
     
  19. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    Piss off they are.

    Anyone calls me before 9am on a saturday or sunday and they get hung up on

    I work 60 hours week. i want a sleep in. Simple as that.

    OP. Just say no.
     
  20. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Question: when they do these things themselves, do you often tell them they did it wrong?
     
  21. Ichabod Crane

    Ichabod Crane Active Member

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    OP, how should Congress define a "manipulative request?"

    Why don't you just say no?
     
  22. Jester

    Jester OT Supporter

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    Honesty goes a long way here... if you tell people the truth, than quality people accept your answer. If they are douchebags about it, it's on them, not you.

    What you shouldn't do is make up a lie that lets you not do whatever it is they want you to do.
     
  23. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    first post reads like it came from a translation program.

    what's your native language?
     
  24. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    screw that, i don't wake up for work before 830. Why would i want to be woken up extra early on the weekend ?

    dont call me before 10 unless you are a female that wants sex :mamoru:
     
  25. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    lol yeah, I figured even with the temptation of sex you can not wake up sleeping guys! I gave up on them,I just wait for them to wake up by themselves. Although I recently found a way of tempting, seems like it's working:naughty:
     

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