SRS obsessive

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by 4W4K3, Oct 30, 2006.

  1. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    I've been dating the same girl for over 3 years now.

    We had a break up right before our 3 year anniversary, she liked some other guy. It only lasted 5 days, and we have been together ever since then, I guess she just thought he was more than he really is.

    But I can't get over it. I am always thinking about it.

    How do I get the fuck over it? I freak myself out, and convince myself she still likes this other guy.

    They are now "best friends" and are constantly talking, maybe that's part of my problem.

    Am I wrong in thinking this guy should not be my girl's "best friend" after what happened before with him. :dunno:
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    In for info and support.

    I know how you feel.

    It would also be going through my head, "how do I know she won't develop feelings for someone else while she's with me?"
     
  3. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    I think she is completely past our break up, however I am not. And she doesn't understand why.

    I've told her before that having this guy as a "best friend" is really freaking me out, but she immediately goes on the defensive and attacks me.

    He'll leave her messages and shit saying how he loves her (in a "friendly way" supposedly) and shes always telling him how much she misses him (he moved across the state).

    And you know...that's just fucking retarted. None of her other friends get that much attention...so what's the deal?
     
  4. .Spect

    .Spect New Member

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    This happend to me in junoir high. This girl realllllllly F'd me up mentally. She'd ask me out, then dump me 3 months later and say that her parents said she cant have a bf but then she goes out with some other guy a week later.

    But due to my stupidity I still couldn't stop thinking about her. Like I was attached bigtime! It took a couple of hard months too stop. Every once in a while Id go out with my boys and meet up with girls here and there. Untill finally I met the girl im with now.

    All I gotta say man, is just let time do its thing. You gotta realize theres more. Have faith.
     
  5. spitfire

    spitfire New Member

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    woah,ok I would seriously be freaked if i was in your shoes,thats sounds bogie.Ive bn with my gf for 3 yrs also,even though she means alot to me id still have to tell her its me or him and NO exceptions,just act as if i could walk away from the relationship at the drop of a hat...but thats just me.And i bet anything if the tables were turned she wouldnt stand for it,so just remember that
     
  6. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    We are still dating. Everything is goign great between US...it's just ME who is having issues getting past our breakup, and her continuing relationship with the other guy.

    Exactly. there aree some chicks she HATES that are my friends. If she hears I'm talking to them or I'm hanging out wih them...she explodes in my face.

    But when I have a problem with one of her friends...somehow that's "different". I jsut need to "get over it" and stop being such a pussy.

    Not exactly "fair", but I could care less about fair. I jsut want sanity.
     
  7. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Make the playing field fair - ask her how she feels about your friends who are girls and if the feelings vary on the person then find out why. Then ask her why it should be different that you feel similarly about this guy. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it's probably that she knows those girls would bang you if you gave them a chance. You know that guy would bang her if she gave him a chance. Seems like the same thing to me, and a double standard at that...
     
  8. tehshift

    tehshift Member

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    in same situation. gf dumped me after 5 yr relationship and we've been seperated for 3 months. after we broke up she became "best friends" with a new guy friend. apparently they kissed. now she says she wants me back and is willing to stop hanging out with that group of friends, but still wants to keep communication between them. she still talks to him everyday about useless stuff like "what kind of hair gel" he should get... i don't feel like i should be worried about him, but i am. it also doesn't help that i caught her in 1 or 2 small lies while we were seperated..

    in for more responses.
     
  9. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    That's exactly what I thought, a complete double standard.

    I'm in a chatroom with both of them right now, and see everything is fine. It's only when I find out they talked on the phone for an hour or something like that, that I start to get worried. They probly just talked about school, and mutual friends, and what they did over the weekend...but I am paranoid those little conversations will start to grow or something.

    It's all in my head! :ugh:
     
  10. harleysilo

    harleysilo New Member

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    It's not all in your head, it's in your heart. You are jealous and rightfully so. That's fucked up on her part. If she cares about you she should respect your wishes (as long as they are reasonable) and it sounds reasonable to me for you to want her not to have this type of contact WITH THE GUY SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU OVER!

    Now what do you do about it?

    Option 1 = (risky but satisfying) do unto others as you would have them do to you. Let you "friendship" with the unliked girls explode.

    Option 2 = ( you have no balls) do nothing. Let her have her little friendship with the out of state guy. Let her continue to drive youself crazy worrying about possible infedelity(sp).....

    Option 3 = (mucho balls you have) adopt the attitude my wife has. People are going to do what they are going to do and there is nothing (very little) you can do about it. Don't worry about him, she came back to you! He must be a fawking loser. He's out of state. She's with you. You have her. You are the fucking man!

    Option 4 = (sneaky bastard) She still talk on a landline from home? Access to her computer?

    Good luck!
     
  11. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    5th option. If you aren't going to tolerate it, and she keeps doing it, let her know you won't tolerate it. If she still continues, break up.
     
  12. Amaranth

    Amaranth New Member

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    I would recomend that...I have a friend with a very simular problem

    He's been with her for two years, and it bothers him that she still talks to her "best-friend" from Arizona- pretty far from here, and he went through talks and whatever with her, and he told her how much it bothered him that she gave so much attention to him, as compared to any other person. He broke up with her about it, and they got back together but the problem came back, they eventually ended up going through a few other breakups just to umm...I guess to "mold" each other's behaivior, eventually things got better despite the childish attitude...

    Just make sure you make your message loud and clear- if you don't show self-respect, she can take total advantage of you and get whatever she wants...and that's not a relationship
     
  13. xeocube

    xeocube New Member

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    Ok, I can understand where you are coming from completely. One thing to give her a good argument is that men never want to be friends with a girl they are attracted to, they always want to get in their pants.. that's just how it is, that's how it always will be because that's how men think. If she brings up some argument about that, just ask her if he would get with her if she offered it or something.

    But honestly, you have to talk to her and tell her what she's doing has to either stop, or you're going to end the relationship. Bearing that doubt in your mind all the time is just going to lead to an end in it anyway eventually, might aswell make it less painful and break up now.
    So unless she does something to remove that doubt, then I'd say you should look into other options.
     
  14. 4W4K3

    4W4K3 New Member

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    I like option #3, as it seems the most reasonable and its really the fucking truth. She's back with me, she is still interested in me, and if I actually step away from the situation I see the little messages and talking that does go on...really isn't a big deal. I just think it happens more often than it really does.

    I have used option #4 though lol, not too proud of that. But the less I think about it, the less I feel like I HAVE to know what they are talkign about. Once I go and read everything (myspace convos, IM logs)...it's jsut...chat about nothing. Just like all her other friends. And then I feel liek a dumbass.

    I haven't read anythign in a while though, she has really been with me alot and nothign has happened that made me want to question our relationship. It's jsut the days when she is mad or I don't get to talk to her that much...that I start to worry.
     

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