MIL Oath of Enlistment

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by TRN, Jan 12, 2006.

  1. TRN

    TRN Well-Known Member

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    Military Oaths of Enlistment

    The Following Are Various Appropriate Oaths Of Enlistment Each Branch Of

    Military Service Personnel Should Use ...



    U.S. AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT:

    I, Zoomie Flyboy, swear to sign away four years of my useless life to

    the

    United States Air Force because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army

    and

    because the Marines frighten the hell out of me. I swear to sit behind a

    desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me

    who

    take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real

    exercise,

    but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise.

    I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even

    though I believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk around

    calling

    everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the

    military

    and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better

    quality of life than all those around me and will at all times be sure

    to

    make them aware of that fact.

    After completion of my -- snicker -- "basic training," I will be a lean,

    mean, doughnut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes,

    Chairborne Ranger, fighting machine. I will believe that I am superior

    to

    all others, and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing

    the

    next person in the back with it. I will do no work unless someone is

    watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and

    will go home early everyday.

    I consent to never getting promoted -- EVER -- and understand that all

    those

    whom I made fun of yesterday probably will outrank me tomorrow.

    So help me God.

    Signature: ___________________ Date: _________________







    U.S. ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:

    I, Rambo Part 5, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre useless

    dull

    life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on

    the

    ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines,

    and

    the Navy won't take me because I can't swim and I get sea sick.

    I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots

    because

    I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my

    uniform

    24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue telling myself

    that

    I am a fierce killing machine because my drill sergeant told me I am,

    despite the fact that the only action I ever will see is a court martial

    for

    sexual harassment or dating the C.O.'s underage daughter.

    I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service,

    and

    vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test.

    After

    completion of my sexual -- er -- I mean, BASIC training, I will attend a

    different Army school once every other month and return knowing less

    than I

    did when I left.

    On my first trip home after boot camp, I will walk around like I am cool

    and

    propose to my ninth-grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home,

    because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter,

    better-looking

    Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to

    take

    her back.

    While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting

    absolutely

    nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hours

    because

    of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to report back to the

    "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that

    will help me get a job upon separation of military service, and will end

    up

    working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to

    everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be

    unable to

    use it because I can't pass a placement exam, even at a 2 year school.

    So help me God.

    Signature:__________________ Date:_______________ U.S.







    NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:

    I, Neptune, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away four years of

    my

    life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines

    without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air

    Force

    was too "corporate," and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...Why

    not?"



    I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my

    name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand

    that I

    will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for the

    Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language

    than

    the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck,

    bulkhead,

    cover, and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I

    will

    take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, ranks and insignia,

    and

    everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other

    services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever, except maybe to the

    British.

    I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hours every morning unless I am

    buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930

    hours.

    I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can

    stand up

    in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and still not spill a drop.

    I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice each

    fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to

    submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my

    newfound

    "colleagues."

    So help me Neptune.

    Signature:__________________ Date:_______________







    COAST GUARD OATH OF ENLISTMENT:

    I, Shipmate Pirate, do hereby pretend to catch and apprehend thieves on

    the

    high seas and to rescue those in distress, but most importantly prevent

    all

    those stinking illegal aliens from entering the United States.

    Any illegal alien or drug smuggler found, I promise to sink their craft

    no

    matter what type, size, shape, configuration, or country of origin,

    unless

    it is politically incorrect at that moment or they just happen to be

    Japanese. If they are Japanese, even though they may be in U.S.

    territorial

    waters illegally, endangering U.S. shipping, engage in spying

    activities,

    catching our fish and starving Americans, or they ran into my boat, I

    will

    immediately notify the State Department so the necessary apologizes may

    be

    issued throughout the international news media.

    Further, I understand that various Federal Agencies such as the DEA,

    Customs, the INS, the FBI, and ATF may have agents on board a ship that

    I am

    assigned to, and that if they are female I will conduct myself in the

    manner

    of a Shipmate Pirate, and tell them suck me or walk the plank.

    So help me Shipmate Pirate.

    Signature:__________________ Date:_______________





    THE NATIONAL GUARD OATH OF ENLISTMENT:

    I, Mr. Wannabee, hereby acknowledge that I joined the National Guard

    full

    time because I am a spineless, gutless, useless shit who's only ambition

    is

    to sit around and drink beer, use government facilities and property for

    my

    personal needs, and collect my pension.

    So help me Mr. Wannabee.

    Signature:__________________ Date:_______________







    U.S. MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT:

    I, ________________ (state name here), swear...uhhhh...high-and-tight...

    grunt... cammies... ugh... Air Force women.... and, kicking ass is a way

    of

    life.

    HOORAH! Semper Fi! Gung ho!

    So help me Corps.

    Thumb Print:___________________ Date:______________
     
  2. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    The Marines is only about 3 things. PFTs, MOUT, and MCMAP. You forgot those! (and it is Ooorah!)
     
  3. TRN

    TRN Well-Known Member

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    :squint: I didn't write that shit.
     
  4. Jyokker

    Jyokker The trouser snake is very aggressive. It will corn

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    404: AF bike test not found.
    Our sq did 113 pushups today on top of situps, flutter kicks, etc.. Does that count for anything?
     
  5. Jyokker

    Jyokker The trouser snake is very aggressive. It will corn

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    Quit it with your jokes. I can't handle them. Be more serious and grow up.










    :mamoru:
     
  6. Ranger-AO

    Ranger-AO I'm here for the Taliban party. Moderator

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    cliff that shit :squint:
     
  7. DSHR

    DSHR Well-Known Member

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    :bowrofl:

    That shit is hilarious. So many dudes I know want to go FMF :rofl: . Just so they can wear the uniform.
     
  8. SweetDaddyO

    SweetDaddyO we need a montage!!

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    yes :o
     
  9. SweetDaddyO

    SweetDaddyO we need a montage!!

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    well we're talking about excercise bikes, which would probably be there anyway in the gym, etc.

    the idea was to measure heart rate - it didn't work too well. a friend of mine couldn't get her heart rate up high enough, so they actually told her to smoke a cigarette and drink a cup of coffee and try it again. i think anytime you're advising someone to smoke in order to pass a fitness eval, there's something wrong.
     
  10. Jyokker

    Jyokker The trouser snake is very aggressive. It will corn

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    15 four count push-ups = 30
    15 four count flutter kicks
    another 15 four count push-ups = 30
    15 four count sit-ups
    10 four count push-ups = 20
    15 four count flutter kicks
    10 four count push-ups =20
    some more exercises and then
    5 single count push-ups = 5 (diamond)
    and 8 single count push-ups = 8 (wide)
     
  11. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    thats my warmup
     
  12. burton564

    burton564 New Member

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    yeah i'll agree with that, if i could get away with something like that at pt it would be a cold day in hell. I'm gonna volunteer to run it next week and see if i can pull something like that off.
     
  13. Jyokker

    Jyokker The trouser snake is very aggressive. It will corn

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    That isn't all we did, that was just the push-up part.
    I guess including all that other stuff gave the impression of the total workout.
     
  14. bloodred83

    bloodred83 im in ur cost gard, savin' ur boatz

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    :rofl: :rofl: Should add female Coast Guard academy cadets on that list...so I hear.
     
  15. Jeg1983

    Jeg1983 OT Supporter

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    Never got the point of the pissing match about pushups, none of it deals with real strength.

    It's more like bragging about whose body can shuttle away lactic acid better.
     
  16. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I was just bullshittin' anyway --- I suck at pushups.

    On my chest/triceps day --- I do about 5 sets of 25 pushups, and i'm spent on pushups.
     
  17. Accord

    Accord New Member

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    hahaha, that's great. I saw a shortened version of it posted somewhere a while back where it was only like one sentence for each branch, this one is even funnier.
     
  18. Accord

    Accord New Member

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    Combined?

    :bigthumb:
     

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