SRS Now what

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by striker79, Nov 13, 2008.

  1. striker79

    striker79 I'm a big hair pimp

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    So I've been at my current job for a year and i generally love it but its my co-workers whom i enjoy the most. Shortly after beginning last year i befriended a girl who over the past year has made me feel like nothing else I've ever felt.I was just happy being her friend at first but the past six months I've noticed i was falling for her but tried to keep her at an arms length because i knew telling her my feeling could result in her freaking out.

    The past few months though i noticed her getting more involved with another guy and i asked her several time if she was interested and she always told me no, he wasn't some one she could date because she was not attracted to him and she found his past infidelity's a deal breaker. But still she found less and less time for me and more and more time for him but she always told me she could never date him.

    Two days ago she tells me that she has feeling for him via text message and i immediately freak out and go into panic mode and tell her i have feeling for her as my plan the whole time was to get her alone face to face and explain my feelings are beyond a crush and i think we should explore the possibility of dating. I prepared myself for the possibility of rejection but my plans were dodged by this sudden omission. Her reaction wasn't completely negative but was far from receptive and she assured me it wasn't just a crush with this other guy but couldn't give me a good answer as to why she liked him, closest she could come up with was an old boyfriend who she dated for three years and eventually cheated on her with her best friend.

    We talked and i told her I'd try and remain her friend but it would be tough for me to accept but I'd try. So last night she told him her feeling and he said he liked her but couldn't date her right now because of his ex. So they decided they would remain friends and date possibly at a later date and she was cool with that. But the thing that pisses me off is that she is cool with that, i don't feel she should be. I accept her feeling towards him but i can't accept her willingness to wait as i feel we should explore something between us. when i told her my feelings she told me she only considered me her best friend and was OK with waiting as she wasn't in a rush to be in a relationship. but i told her i couldn't accept that as it wasn't fair to me to have to deal with the prospect of not having a clearly defined outline of what is going on between us or them. I can't be her friend if he continues to consume all her time and she makes him her priority thus canceling plans we may have to hang out. she agreed and i told her i need to distance myself from her because every time i see her or hang out with her the feelings come back and i can't be in that situation as it's not fair to me. Yesterday was the first day of this and it was weird because i couldn't look at her or talk to her and I've found the work place is no longer enjoyable as such.

    She sent me a text message asking what i wanted to do and i responded with i need time to figure out where i stand or fit in and would like to get together in about a week and talk about this because as of right now i can't work with the plan she has layed out. The thing that bothers me the most is she told me everyone told her i liked her and she sorta lead me on and allowed me to take her out and pay for things for her, nothing expensive like rent but stuff that could be considered a date. I can't resign myself to accepting just being her friend though anymore as I've told her i have feeling for her and can't watch her date this guy whom I'll always think I'm better than. But I'm stuck because i don't know what is fair to ask of her, i want to know why she never allowed something to happen between us and why when i told her i liked her she told me i couldn't. sadly I've come to realize that most likely it's something more psychological that is driving this and during an intense conversation about her childhood she told me her dad used to beat her until the cops would pull him off and her mom tried to suffocate her when she was 8months old because she was born out of wedlock and other friends have had to take prescription drugs from her because she gets super depressed and might take them all.

    And one of the most baffling things to me is her mom wants her to get out of the house (she's 22) and the guy she is interested in lives at home in a very traditional Mexican house hold where the family wouldn't accept her because she isn't Mexican(they're in love with his ex) and they both couldn't afford to pay rent so they can't hang at either of there houses. Where as i invested young and have a small house and drive a newer car and am better of financially I'd assume would make me a better option it hasn't.

    So what should i do? is it possible to turn my direction and should i wait for it to fail?
     
  2. uptownbill

    uptownbill OT Supporter

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    She obviously isn't interested in you romantically. As hard as it is to accept, any girl that wants to use you for money and free shit on a date should be ignored and avoided at all costs. You obviously have your shit together and many girls who would dig that. There are a million fish in the sea, so keep fishin' my man.
     
  3. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    She doesn't want you dude, get over it. Move on.
     
  4. marvd00d

    marvd00d Gonzalez>Swine Flu

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    you got caught in the friend zone a long time ago, best thing to do is move on
     
  5. striker79

    striker79 I'm a big hair pimp

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    Interesting, she's deleted him from her myspace and hung out with one of his co-workers he hates today. could be nothing i suppose, yeah i know im friend zoned i've been ignoring her for three days and only talking to her to see how her grand mother is sporadically via text message cuz i like her grand mother and she's sick. two days ago her status on myspace was " when i need some one the most i have no one" and this morning she changed it to something about sticking to the status que. Should be fun to see how this plays out, she wanted me to go shopping with her today and i turned it down;)
     
  6. pharcyde92

    pharcyde92 New Member

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    Stop over thinking some girl you like. Without that in mind, you will find more success with women.
     
  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    That's where you should have kept things. A failed friendship/relationship can easily ruin your work experience and make you want to change jobs. But if you were to ever get with this girl, the second you knew you were interested would've been the best time to tell her. It's because she may have been feeling the same thing whether it was real or if she'd been caught up in the moment. When days go by and she gets nothing, if it was superficial then her feelings either will die off or if she was interested, she'll plain give up and move on. She may have heard from others that you liked her as you said, but mere attraction doesn't necessarily mean that you really want to date her.
    Logic in dating went out the window after the 40's and 50's in favor of this silly thing called "feelings." I've seen vegans date carnivores and anti-smokers date smokers. That's why what you say at the bottom about this other guy's living/life situation being less than yours doesn't really matter.
    He gave her more attention than you. That attention itself could have made her lean more towards him.
    She told you her feelings for the other guy because she assumed you weren't that into her. Your constant questions about him reaffirmed to her that you were only looking for friendship. You basically were trying to give her the ok to spill her feelings if there were any. If she was attracted to you to begin with, acting so pansy would've made her less attracted to you. And you coming out with your own feelings out of jealousy was the last nail in the coffin for you. That was the easiest time for you to come out because you did it after confirming that she was willing to have a relationship with someone. And that was the worst time for her because you were trying to take the spotlight off of her. It would've been better if she hadn't acknowledged your words at all.

    This is where she gives herself an excuse and gives you the choice by putting the power in your hands. She's just told you that she's playing with you. She enjoyed the attention but if you had any backbone you would never stand for being treated like this. If this is really bothering you then you'll do the right thing and distance yourself. If you don't, then she'll assume that you're totally cool with being pushed around and used.

    It's a warning. She's saying "I'm going to crush your heart into a thousand pieces of dust. Are you still sure that you like me?"
    If this is true she might be a nutcase. If she made it up, she might be a nutcase. If you're wise, you will not play captain save-a-ho.

    If you are willing to wait a year just to date her for 2 weeks before she dumps you for some 16 year old kid who's just as childish as she is, then stay friends but don't allow her to talk about anyone she's dating or anyone she's interested in. If you want to screw with her head, befriend this other guy.

    edit: i'm sorry this was written so badly :o
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2008
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    The problem here is that you are trying to apply logic to love. There is no logic in who you are attracted to. She's not choosing to be attracted to this guy just like you aren't choosing to be attracted to her. If this was all about logic then right now you would tell yourself that this won't work out and you would stop thinking about her. But that won't happen because it's not something you can control.

    None of that stuff you posted about him matters. Who cares about the living situation? The point is that she has feelings for him and doesn't have feelings for you and you aren't going to change that. You can either accept that and be her friend or cut her out of your life as a friend.

    And please please don't ever do one of those sad confessing your feelings thing to a girl you like. That is the biggest turn off ever. SHOW her how you feel, don't TELL her.
     

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