SRS Not the usual story, please advise.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mdloops, Jan 27, 2005.

  1. mdloops

    mdloops Guest

    I am a 22 y/o male. I am pretty athletic, golf twice a week (Avg score 95 for 18 holes), 2 years college (will go back after mobilization until I get a graduate degree), member of army national guard (5 years service so far). I am currently taking busparone for anxiety and trouble sleeping, which is perscribed to me. I am a tiny bit obsessive (my mind races a lot). I am a casual drinker. I have taken the AA test and scored a 0 out of 15.

    "Drug history"

    15 to current - Cigarettes (In process of quiting)
    17-18 HEavy Pot use
    19-6 months of taking my sister pain killers
    Tried once - cocaine, mushrooms, lsd, opium

    I got hooked on pain killers after I found out my first love had been cheating on me. I was with her 6 months and we were

    what everybody called the "perfect couple". I was crushed and began stealing my sister's pain pills. I did so for about 6

    months taking pain pills on a daily basis. The last 2 nights I took a couple of my roomates pain pills without him knowing. I

    am not sure what really drove me to do it but I wanted to relax. I am very high strung but I do not show it on the outside. My mind is always racing and taking pain pills is the only time I can truely relax. I know I have a problem, but I am not a regular drug user. I take them occasionally now, but I always feel guilty for doing it. The guilt is because I base my entire life around my strong moral fiber. I have never been in trouble with the law, the only thing I have ever stole is pills, I have never cheated (or even thought about it) on any girlfriend, I would never raise a hand to a woman nor child, I drive responsibility, and I am more mature than anybody my age that I know. I have been away from home for 1 year now because I was mobilized from NY to GA and have never even looked at another girl twice even though my girlfriend is 900 miles away.

    What should I do about the occasional slip up? I am really trying to live a clean and successful life. I have even put 10K dollars into mutual funds for my future kids education. I do everything in my life for my future and base every action I make based on the strength of my personal values yet somehow occasionally drugs slip through the cracks. BTW: most people would think I am religious. I am not in the least, nor do I care to be. I have nothing against it, but it is just not for me. Could I get some advice please.

    Thank you,

    Mark
     
  2. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

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    Well, scoring 0/15 on the AA test doesn't mean you don't have a problem, it sounds like you have a bit of a drug problem.

    It sounds like you are a good person, like most addicts are, who does bad things because of an obsession to use drugs. Taking your roommates pain pills without him knowing is something I would classify as stealing.

    Additionally, you said you became hooked on pain pills after a bad end to a relationship. This means you took drugs to cure pain, this is addict behavior. You say from "17-18 Heavy Pot Use," which would imply possibly you weren't moderating in the way you wished.

    In my opinion, if you don't stop using drugs and alcohol, it's only a matter of time before you get hooked on one or the other after something bad happens in your life again (see: ending relationship, got hooked on pain pills.) The best thing you could do for yourself is to stop using all drugs, and stop drinking (not even 1 beer). This will save you a world of future heartache and suffering.

    Additionally, I suggest you pick up a copy of Narcotics Anonymous, and maybe go to a meeting to see if you can relate to some of the individuals at the meetings or some of the stories in the book. If you don't want to go to meetings, and you are able to quit using all mind-altering subtances on your own, then good for you. However, if you are unable to stop using mind-altering substances (including alcohol), then I HIGHLY RECCOMMEND you go to meetings, get a sponsor, and begin working the steps. Good luck to you.
     
  3. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    I couldn't have said it better myself. :bigthumb: to eligh

    I also think picking up the book (NA basic text) is a good idea. Even if you decide that the program isn't for you, the text will be a sobering reminder that you should be careful with drugs, and will give you skills for yourself and others.
     
  4. mdloops

    mdloops Guest

    thanks guys
     
  5. metoots13

    metoots13 New Member

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    keep coming back and tell us how you're doing
     
  6. mdloops

    mdloops Guest

    I have yet to touch a med since I did it days ago. I have had the urge, but I told myself the end result is worst than going without it. Quitting smoking is going pretty good too. I am not quiting smoking to be "Sober" though. I am quitting because I am sick of doing it. 2 weeks no cigs.
     
  7. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

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    Well that's good, but I wouldn't really worry about quitting smoking cig's though. You have bigger fish to fry currently, you can deal with that later after you've had some time being clean/sober. Go to meetings, see if you can't meet some other recovering addicts. If you have the urge to use, call one of them, or you can always AIM me.
    AIM = animalholie
     
  8. SMB

    SMB New Member

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    yeah, what they said
     

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