SRS Not sure if this is the right place...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by radfad88, Jul 26, 2007.

  1. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Not sure if I should post here or in the asylum... guess it doesn't matter too much.

    My dad has been sober for 17 years and is still very active in AA. He's pretty much the only person in the world that I have, and he has been everything a parent should for me.

    I'm 19, so the daddy I've known since I can remember is the loving, understanding, sober one. The coked-out and drunk man I see in old pictures is someone I never knew (I do thank God for it).

    Recently, I'd say over the last year or so, I've had these really detailed, drawn-out nightmares in which I walk into my father's house unannounced to find him uncontrollably drunk. The dreams have progressively gotten worse and last night he yelled profanities at me, told me that I was worthless to him and that his life didn't mean anything anymore anyway (hence, why he went back to drinking). Also, no one (other family members like my grandmother) seemed to care about his relapse except me... and all I could do in the dream was cry.

    These dreams terrify me so much that I literally wake up sobbing and shaking and I can't calm myself down for a good few minutes.

    This morning when I woke up in this fit, I called my dad (7am) and said "I love you and I just had a really bad dream that involved you so I needed to call and make sure everything was ok". He assured me it was but I didn't go into details about the dream.

    I've never told him about the dreams because I guess I'm partly embarrassed. I'm a big girl and I should be able to deal with the fact that my dad's in recovery by now (after 17 years), but I guess I'm not :-/


    Do any of you have any similar stories and/or words of wisdom... how do I handle this?
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Yep!

    I once had a dream so powerful, about my brother, that in the middle of the night, I got up, got dressed and went to the location to look for him. My dream was basically that he had a heart attack while jogging. He was alone and needed help immediately. That was about 5-10 years ago and he's never had one nor has he ever been stranded while out jogging.

    I've had other dreams where my first memory of the dream is where I"m already drunk or that I'm accepting a drink. I realize that I've just blown 12+ years of sobriety and often I wake up in a cold sweat.

    These "drunk dreams" used to really freak me out and I really thought that my higher power was preparing me because I was about to relapse.

    I had to take control of my thoughts. I could allow these very powerful and seemingly very real dreams to take over my life or I could reassert my will. I simply remind myself that:
    A) Dreams are NOT reality...no matter how real they seem.
    B) There is simply no use trying to solve problems that occur in a dream but may not ever happen in real life.
    C) No I don't want these events to occur but worrying that they will....simply won't prevent their occurrence. And if they do occur, I'll deal with them then.

    I used to think that dreams were like premonitions and that I was seeing the future and OMG this sux. However, I've now seen too many times that it's just not true.
     
  3. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    I had a dream once where i relapsed (been sober 8 years) on cocaine. I woke up holding my arm (i was an IV user). I could taste the cocaine. I immediately woke up and went "fuck! i cant believe i did this!!", rolled over, grabbed my wallet, and seriously thought "well guess i'll go get some more"

    It was right then i realized that i hadn't actually used. I was very relieved.



    More recently, i had a dream that i drank. Alcohol was never my drug of choice, and to be honest, years into recovery i seriously considered using it. I made the better choice. Anyways, along the time i was debating this, i had a dream. In my dream, i drank. One hard drink, just one. My sponsor was there in my dream, and i looked at him and said, oh, shit, what did i just do, did i relapse?

    In my dream i stuck my finger down my throat to make myself vomit, but was still extremely upset. Then i woke up and realized again it was a dream.

    I discussed this with my counselor, and he said in the business, that is called a "resolution dream", where in essence, you face your fear in your dreams, deal with the worst possible outcome, wake up and have the opportunity to feel it, be aware of it and experience that decision and see what it would be like.
     
  4. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    oh, and welcome to R2R :wavey:

    thank you for sharing :)
     
  5. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I like that explanation a lot and I agree.

    I'm still amazed at the swing in my emotions from these types of dreams.
     
  6. chucklenut

    chucklenut New Member

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    isn't big enough for the both of us
    you slammed yayo? and managed to recover? :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown::bowdown: your a fucking god
     
  7. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Don't you mean....there IS a God?? :)
     
  8. chucklenut

    chucklenut New Member

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    isn't big enough for the both of us
    i find it amazing how people can get out of this lifestyle
     
  9. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Me too....but it doesn't happen by the unaided will alone, at least not in the majority of cases. Most people need help and that help usually comes from a Higher Power and many people choose to call that HP God.

    I guess what I'm saying is that one does not need to be a god to get out of this sort of lifestyle. Very human and very flawed people get out of it every day because 12 step programs really do work.
     
  10. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    dont try 3rd step explanations on people who havent worked the first

    some of us come to a different understanding
     
  11. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    yeah. it's my nature to do things the most illicit way possible. I was 17 too. Homeless, penniless, warrants, yada yada. We do recover. 12 steps work, and will continue to work.
     
  12. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    huh? I'm confused.....what is this different understanding you speak of?
     
  13. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    the program requires that we have a power greater than ourselves, doesnt say it has to a be an all powerful being, "god", etc

    many come to that understanding, but some don't. When dealing with newcomers, i try not to get theological at all
     
  14. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Ahh right....good point and I agree!

    my post was more a response to him calling you a god.
     
  15. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    well i do have this green orb...
     

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