SRS Not ready to share...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by white lightnin, Apr 19, 2005.

  1. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

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    Well, I am coming to the point of realizing that I have a major addictive problem in my life. I engage in it instead of going to work or school, I make promises to myself that I don't keep, and I am the only one that knows about the behavior...

    I have decided that I need to take additional steps to move on with my life in a healthy fashion, but I am not sure what to do.

    I have researched some 12-steps programs, and I feel like they wouldn't work for me and my current situation. I am not a religious person, and I feel uncomfortable with the group atmosphere. Plus I will be out of the country all summer, and I won't be able to go. Perhaps in the future I will be able to do this, but right now I dont think it would work.

    I have been seeing a counselor since last October, and I was not able to admit to her that I had an addictive problem until just last week. Even then I was unable to share what the problem was.

    I am just so ashamed of what I do. It goes against me, my relationships,
    everything I think I stand for. I had this problem off in a little box that I avoided thinking about, but now I am realizing how it affects me. I don't think I can share this with anyone I know. Maybe anonymously, but now is not the time...

    I came here in hopes of support and advice. I want to start now on the road to getting better. Can anyone give me some advice on how I can try to sort this problem out on a personal basis. I have been writing poetry about it, a cryptic way of expressing myself. As I mentioned above, I am going out of the country for the summer which should give me a lot of time for reflection and some seperation from this. I am just afraid I will return to old behaviors when I get back. Thanks for the help...
     
  2. The Scientist

    The Scientist New Member

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    :hs: I'm not quite sure exactly what your addiction is that you're ashamed of but regardless of that, I'm not too sure it'd be much of a stretch to say that whatever you've gotten yourself involved has stemmed from a compilation of things and experiences that have driven you to this point. For that, you should not feel ashamed or embarrassed because of it. There's nothing wrong with losing your balance or way along the path of life. Different things drive us to places we don't want to be or where we never thought we'd be. But, we must make up our minds to ignore the bad and move on in hopes of getting better.

    It seems to me that in your mind you've decided you're ready to get better and stop this behavior that you feel is hindering you in your life. And that's wonderful that you've reached this place. Realize why it is you think you've developed your addiction and how YOU can work on those factors without converting back to your addiction. Along the way I'm sure you will become discouraged and you may even relapse a few times but no worries.

    You didn't develop and practice your addiction in one day so certainly don't expect to lose it and all facets of it in one day as well. The only way you can overcome this is if you really want to and believe that you don't need it to bear your life. For that, you must realize whatever it is that's affecting you and fix that first so your addiction is no longer needed. Hang in there, keep your focus and please, take care. :hug:
     
  3. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

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    Well, let me say, that I can definitely relate. I was definitely using instead of going to work or school, I made multiple promises to myself that I couldn't keep, and I was the only one who knew how bad my behavior really was.
    I had to be beat down my addiction pretty bad before I reached this point, and sometimes that what it takes to be ready for recovery, you sound ready.

    This is what I thought too, the thing is I really didn't understand them. The only way I could really find out was by trying out a program.
    I am not a religious person either. I have been clean for 15 months in a 12-step program, and am still not a religous person. I was an atheist for about 20/23 years of my life. I was terrified of group situations, and they still intimidate me, but I'm getting over a lot of the fears I once had because I now have the courage to walk through them.
    There are 12-step meetings all over the world. Where are you going?
    If you are an alcoholic/addict of the type I was, sooner would definitely be better than later.

    That is good you had the courage to admit you had a problem, what was her advice on what to do about your problem.

    Shame/guilt are huge issues for addict. There were many things I thought I could never share with anyone, but now that I did I feel much better. I'm not trying to press you or anything, but it may help if you could tell us a little more, we could offer better advice.

    "The ultimate weapon for recovery is the recovering addict." (Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text p. 15) That being said, if you really want recovery, you're going to get a lot farther if you work with at least one other recovering addict. However, the more, the better. It is very good that you are able to express yourself in writing, it is immensly theraputic. "The program" of any 12-step program is the 12 steps which are in the sticky. Working these 12 steps involves quite a bit of writing and discussing your writing with another recovering addict known as a sponsor. The best place to find a sponsor is at a 12-step meeting. I can act as your temporary sponsor, as I'm sure a few other people in this forum could, however it would be beneficial to find a permanent sponsor in your area who you could meet with on a regular basis. Meetings aren't a requirement, but they do help. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using/drinking (whatever your addiction to may be).
    My advice would be to attend some 12-step meetings wherever you are in the summer. However, you could also stay in close contact with addicts via telephone/internet and learn more about the 12 steps. You may be able to start working step 1. If you have time before you leave, go to some 12-step meetings in your area and find a sponsor. Feel free to hit me up if you have any more questions, or need any direction.

    AIM: animalholie

    Good luck!
     
  4. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

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    Thanks for your words of advice. I have been doing some more research, and will probably attend a meeting in my area. Just to see what its all about.

    I am going to France for the summer though, and I dont think I could go to meetings there. I also know that I will be basically unable to indulge my addiction the whole time I am there. I am just afraid of the time when I come back.:hs:
     
  5. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

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    Good stuff, glad to hear you are attending a meeting. You haven't stated what your addiction is, but mine is booze or whatever kind of drug you got. I've never been to France, but I'm sure it wouldn't take but about 15 minutes for me to get started...

    I'm not sure which fellowship you are attending, I'm rather sure NA and AA meetings are offered in France, and they may even have them in English. Regardless of what your addiction is, I'm sure you'll be welcome at an NA meeting. The steps are the steps regardless of the particular fellowship, that's where the healing happens. I'm still available on AIM if you have any more questions. Good luck, enjoy your first meeting.
     
  6. metoots13

    metoots13 New Member

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    France has NA and AA meetings, please follow Eligh's advice, it was all good.
     
  7. Bean

    Bean Guest

    There are 12 step meetings all over Europe. Some are even in English. Might be a good idea to do what metoots and eligh have suggested.
     

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