SRS Not being loved.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BaseballIsEmo, Mar 10, 2005.

  1. Months ago, I wrote this girl. I was (well, still am) seriously in love with her. She's a senior in high school, and I am, well, out. We're both 18. She works at the same place I do, but I rarely get to see her because a lot of times we have totally different shifts (her being in school only allows her to work at the most 5 hours any given weekday), and we work in different departments, so this means, we rarely get to talk, but when we do, it's so great. We're good friends at work, but we have never went out (meaning, to do anything) or even talked outside of work. That is the reason I wrote her. I felt it was the only way I could ever let her know how I felt about her. This girl is really something different, at least to me. She's so smart and intelligent, very Christian and has strong faith. Doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't even curse (Ok, this is very rare in my town). She's not at all shy, until it comes down to personal relationships, and then - she's all hidden. So, back to the letter. I really poured out, and expressed that I wanted to take her out some time, and if not out on a date (she has stated she doesn't want to, nor ever have dated anyone, and she wants to wait until College), then something casual, you know, to be more than just work-friends. My phone number was in the letter as well, hoping she'd call me and we could talk about it. Her response? Cute as always, but she never gave a direct answer ... she just said that she has a big heart for me now. I'm like .... "o.....k". I figured she'd call later on that day, or tell me more after work, but that was it. We did talk later, and she acted like I never gave her a letter. We talked for a good 20 minutes about Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice"... but nothing about the letter.

    Fast forward ... three months later ... March. I haven't talked to her in awhile. She never did call me, or respond to me. So, it was over before it began. I never got a "I don't feel that way about you", or any type of visible rejection .. it was all silent, and lead to many sleepless nights. I held out hope, maybe she'll call, maybe she'll say something. It never came. Well, we both had late shifts the other day, and the store we work in was rather dead, so we had lots of time to talk. Every time I hear her speak, I just fall in love all over again. She's so amazing. After work, I walked her out to her car, in the blizzard-ish snow, but no physical action took place... she said good night in a shyish-cute-ish kind of way (just pretend you understand, k?), and I stood there starring at her, covered in snow, and walked away whispering good night as well. That night, I was up til about 3 am writing again. You may be thinking I'm some kind of freak fantasying over a girl who has no real interest in me, but I couldn't help it .. I had to let her hear it again, but I focused more on just being friends, and no dating involved. We knew each other better, and maybe she would understand more. I really improvised on how I felt about her giving no response last time, and really asked her to call me. This letter was 4 pages long. When I gave it to her, she smiled and looked happy. So, I thought, or at least I wanted to believe, she would definitely call tonight (I asked her to call that night... which was last night). But, nothing. No email. No call.

    I felt like doing some awful things last night and this morning, but kept thinking, maybe she didn't want to call so late that she'd disturbed me, or wake me, because that's just the way she is. I know that's probably not it at all, but it's the only thing I am holding on to. She worked til 9:30 last night, and usually takes her 40 minutes to get home, AND she has school today, so ... maybe she wasn't up too it. Who knows. I may get a response today. We get our checks today, and she gets OUT of school around 3:10, and I go into work at 3:00. I hope I see her as she comes in to pick up her check. I don't care if I am on the clock or not, I will surely stop whatever I'm doing to talk to her and see her reaction from the letter.

    I'm not wealthy. I'm not great looking, and I've got alot of noticeable problems that I'd rather not get into here.. but to understand this situation fully, you would need to know. I know we're both young, but this is different than your typical highschoolish romance. She is not your typical highschooler. She is so amazing, sweet, and beautiful in ever aspect. She's like my dream girl. Many people I talk to her don't even rate her about a 7 in looks, but she's a 10 in my eyes. She doesn't fake anything. Hell, she doesn't even wear makeup. She's just really down to earth, and sometimes I think, why should I attempt to be with her knowing that she could get anything she wants, and I obviously cannot? I don't know. But I had to try.

    Why am I posting this here? No clue. I just wanted to get it out. I don't really have many friends who would understand. But I'm really depressed right now, although, I have potential to be really happy if I get to talk to her today, or if she calls later tonight (thing is, I work til 10). So, maybe I'll keep ya updated on the whole situation.

    Don't be harsh. I know I sound like a total loser, and I possibly could make it into a mental institution about now, but I simply don't care. I'm in love. Aww. :noes:
     
  2. Unfortunately she doesn't feel the same - that's clear based on her actions. Actions always speak louder than words. They say what the person often doesn't.

    And it is typical. It's individual to you, but it's common. Letting go is the only thing you can do. You've made your feelings clear and anything more is obsession.
     
  3. GR3N4DE

    GR3N4DE OG noob.

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    cliffs.
     
  4. I know. It's so obvious. I just can't help myself. I refuse to give in until I get words that I can feel. Does that make me a bad guy?
     
  5. It makes you a fool and fools always rush in. Her answer is in her silence, but you don't want to accept that, and I don't blame you. But her answer is clear.
     
  6. But, fools fall in love, right? Y'know, there's that song and everything. :x:

    Your signature is pretty much how I feel. I'm not gonna give up. :wtc:
     
  7. You don't have much of a choice unless you enjoy punishing yourself. Do you honestly want my recommendation on how to bring this to a quick resolution?
     
  8. I have to see what she thinks today. It's my last chance. Like I said in the above post, all I really want now is to be friends outside of work. To hang out together. Not as a couple, but just friends. It's possible that I scarred her away, I suppose. She probally thinks I'm some freak that has major issues. But, I've got to see what she thinks before I jump to any conclusions. Your advice is welcomed though, because I sure as hell can't talk to my family, or any of my "friends" (riiiight) about the situation.
     
  9. You'll need courage to do this, but my recommendation is simply ask her to her face what it is she'd like to do. It could go something like this:

    Lindsey, listen - I wrote you two letters regarding my feelings for you and I haven't received a response I feel comfortable with. I realize in your silence you've made your point clear, but for my own comfort and to really let go of this crush I have on you - I would like to hear it from you that you're not interested. Be honest with me. If that's the case, I can accept that.

    Note: At this point if her interest is so low that she doesn't even respond to your letters regarding romance, It would be foolish to expect a friendship. You're going to need to move towards letting go of her entirely if she tells you she's not interested after saying the above.
     
  10. It's hard to think of such conclusions to a relationship when you aren't even thinking clear in the first place. But your advice seems very real to me. Thank you, MB.
     
  11. I'm well aware that you aren't very objective about this, and I'm deeply sorry that I've had to be the bearer of bad news. The reality of this situation is a bitter pill to swallow. It doesn't mean you're not a good guy, or that you won't meet another girl you are compatible with - but it's clear here that this girl isn't the one. She and you have different goals, and desires. Her inaction screams that she's not interested, and she's clearly hoping you'll get the hint so she doesn't have to confront you or be confronted.
     
  12. Zimmy76

    Zimmy76 I like my beer like I like my violence, domestic

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    she's not interested in anything outside of work with you, at least that's what it looks like to me. I've been there and it sucks, but you need to stop trying and just let her be. If you continue to write her notes and keep confronting her at work you could find yourself out of a job (i.e. sexual harrassment/harrassment charges).
     
  13. Saw her today.

    She came up to me in all smiles and cuteness. She said she's sorry she didn't call last night, but had things to do, then she said she doesn't call boys anyways. She's not a boy chaser (aka, as I mentioned above, she doesn't date). I felt crappy, but we continued to talk about her going to Mexico soon for a Church trip to build some house. She's always exciting, eh? I wish I had that. Anyways... we got to walking in a more private area, and she kept saying she really doesn't call any boys, and she will email me later or tomorrow when she had more time. I told her that was fine. I then just dropped my fake smile and asked some serious questions. I asked her if I should just stop trying, and she got all frowny and gave me a friggin hug. That was lovely, hehe. Just more proof of how damn sweet and mature she is for being 18. She said she is waiting on someone, and that God has his plan. I understood and respected that, but I didn't ask who, or if she just likes some perfect boy from Church and if she was waiting on him, because I didn't figure that was my buisness. I wanted to know, and it's killing me now, and I'll probally end up asking more questions, but I just couldn't do it then. So, then I said .. "Well Lindsey, can we hang out some time? Go catch a movie (shes a smart film buff like me!) with some other people, anything ..." ... and her response was (cute little voice) "We can hang out here! I'll see you here" ... bam. My heart fell out of my chest onto the floor. I just starred back at her with an annoyed look and told her I had to get back to work, and walked away.

    Oh well. I still love this girl, and as the Damien Rice song goes..."I can't take my mind off of you, until I find somebody new" ... I've fully accepted it now, and I hope it'll be easier to sleep at night. I don't know if she wants to talk to me anymore after walking away on her, but I hope she emails me sometime because I won't see her until next thursday, and I would still like to be her friend. She's such a great person.
     

  14. Sorry it didn't turn out the way you wanted. I'm impressed you had the courage to do the right thing. Obsession is not good - what you did was good.
     
  15. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

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    I feel for you man. I have been in such a position many times myself. What I finally realized is that you must accept how other people feel about you, it's something you cannot change. You can sometimes choose how you wish to find out, direct rejection or implied rejection. It takes courage to ask girls out. Next time if you like a girl, if you ask her out without writing any letters, you'll know right away. This can sometimes be akward or painful if the answer is no, but at least it only lasts for a few minutes.
     
  16. Right on. I don't think I'll be using the writing technique anymore (Unless the girl is deaf.. :squint: ). I think this girl liked it, and appreciated it, AND it was easier for me to get out, but it was way too painful in the end. I put too much in it with no idea how she would respond.
     
  17. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Love sucks.
     
  18. Vay

    Vay New Member

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    Hey I just wanted to say that took guts to do that. It is very hard to ask a girl out which you have a major crush on. I have been there trust me (post down below). Though at lease you know now what to expect, and that you can move on to find someone who you can be with!
     
  19. Mercur1o

    Mercur1o New Member

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    i fully respect what you did man
     
  20. Mel

    Mel RIP James :(

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    It took a lot of guts to do what you did. But to refuse to give in at this point after two heartfelt letters answered with silence isn't something you do to someone you "love." It would make her feel uncomfortable at this point and would almost border on obsession. You've told her twice how you feel. Leave it at that.
     
  21. Oh, I understand now (click). Thanks.
     
  22. Stang Killer

    Stang Killer New Member

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    I couldnt have said it better myself
     
  23. Mercur1o

    Mercur1o New Member

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    it doesn't suck, it's just love
     
  24. infinite loop

    infinite loop Statistically speaking, the Yankees do indeed suck

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    Sorry it didn't work out for you. Next time, listen to MB.. he's usually dead on with his advice.

    Might I suggest you let her this all go and try to block her out completely? Perhaps get a new job even? It can't be easy to see someone you're so infatuated with on a daily basis :hs:
     
  25. Well, she's quiting in May to go back and volunteer at a Camp she use to enroll at. Also (as originally stated) I don't get to see her often. She's still in school and gets possibly three 4-hour shifts a week (as a Cashier) I usually work full shifts (8-9 hours) 5 days a week (in the perishable department) so it's not a big deal. I hardly see her unless I make an effort to. :hs: This week, she only works 2 days (wtf? ... ), both days I am there, and will not make an attempt to talk to her unless she comes up to me. :x: ...erm .. I mean.... :nono:

    :squintd:
     

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