No Sexual Desire Within Love?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Prepsho, Mar 28, 2005.

  1. Prepsho

    Prepsho Guest

    This question has been on my mind for months, and now I'm finally asking.

    I have a very sexual side to me. I'm smart enough to stay away from sex and such for the time being, but I really love to turn on my girl. I love her with all my heart and our relationship is more loving and sensual then anything else, but I have a wild side to me that is completely opposite to her. Whenever I do anything to turn her on, she relates it to me being horny and then downfall from there. All that talk about girls being more horny than guys, does not exist between us. The only days she is somewhat turned on at all are during her period, and I don't even prefer to be around her much less on those days. The way this has been going is leading me to believe I'm a pathetic bastard who just wants sex but that's not who I am. I devote my entire heart to love and I'd never give anything up for that, but damn, can't I get anything for my sexual side? I feel like staying with her would shut off everything sexually.. but in my love point of view I could live with this girl for the rest of my life.

    She's told me my sexual side embarrasses her.. she tells me she hates that side of me. It boggles my mind how she has no sexual side.

    And no, I'm not a raging horny bull all the time. I'm rarely horny at all and I'm very subtle with what I do. I don't push anything if she's not in the mood, but damn, she's never in the mood!

    I won't brag, but I'm a good looking fellow. My SO tells me how hott/sexy/cute I am everyday in whatever way she does.. but she does not say these things in a way to turn me on at all. I'm just becoming selfless within this all.

    Read the whole thing if you have time.

    Cliffs: girl has practically no sexual side, I'm very sexual, I love her to death, I feel a part of me is lonely.
     
  2. AO

    AO New Member

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    You should both sit down and have a very frank talk. You may have to be more romantic and learn to be a patient lover. But she has to learn that she's got to give you some otherwise there may be a rocky road ahead.

    I had the same problem and all it did was push me into the arms of another woman. You both need counselling.
     
  3. Prepsho

    Prepsho Guest

    Thanks bud. Just for the info I've been told I'm very romantic. Her best friend always tells me how sweet I am to her and how perfect we are. I have a big sexual side but I rarely bring it out. I just wish we could comprimise just a little.
     
  4. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    This is a very serious issue; I think it has to do with her confidence... I will get back to you on this.
     
  5. Mojo

    Mojo New Member

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    it maybe because shes not ready?
    talk to her as stated above^, tell her how you really want to experence "romance/love" with her. maybe if you can keep your hornymones on pause, there will be a day where she will be ready for the moment. but again, have a friendly talk with her and tell her how you feel. whatever you do, always mention that you really love her (thats if you do) because if your just gonna keep talking about fcuking, shes gonna call you a perv and prob dump u at the spot. so keep it clean and non-dirty


    goodluck

    mind if i ask you how old you both are? (dont have to answer if its personal)
     
  6. Myst

    Myst New Member

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    If she is on antidepressants, it could be killing off her sex drive.
     
  7. Incog91

    Incog91 Guest

    Sexual abuse as a kid for the win alec!
     
  8. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    How old is she? Sounds like she is just really immature in her sex life. Probably just gonna take some time...
     
  9. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    There ARE psychological "diseases" that cause this. Either theres something in her that says she has no intrest in it, that she is disgusted by it, or hopefully for you she is just shy.
     
  10. Prepsho

    Prepsho Guest

    I'll Just say it's a highschool relationship, that could change some things.

    It's not a matter of readiness really. We both know we won't push each other for sex or anything of that matter until we're ready. It's mainly a matter of how she has NO sex drive of any sort, and thinks it's "gross" when I try any attempt to turn her on.

    Nope.

    I'm thinking the same thing, but I also heard libido doesn't really change in life, besides the decrease as you get into your 50's.

    I'm hoping she just needs to grow up and get over this. I don't think I've ever found a girl who thinks it's disgusting when guys try to turn her on. Mehhh.
     
  11. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    Sounds like an immaturity issue to me. I'd say give it some time and see if things change. There is a bumpy road ahead to people with opposite sex drives. You better start considering change man. Good luck!
     
  12. weakone

    weakone New Member

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    I was the same way with my SO that I'm with now. He's the only guy I've ever been with, and when we weren't really serious and he would try to touch me anywhere that I felt uncomfortable, I would kind of shy away from it. I also had a horrible sexual experience when I was about 13, too, so that may have had a lot to do with it. After a while, though, I grew out of that and now it seems as though I have an insatiable sex drive.
     
  13. hooahrcr

    hooahrcr Chris_Hearn

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    maybe you just dont satisfy her
     
  14. Prepsho

    Prepsho Guest

    She said she's been this way her whole life.. I don't really know if anybody can satisfy her. Some girls I've been with in the past are completely wild and match my sex drive but she's just nothing. We've been together a half a year and it has finally become an issue since she brought it up. I just don't understand, I've never seen a girl who was grossed out by a guy's attempt to turn her on, and secondly, the guy she loves.

    And no, there's nothing gross about what I'm doing either. I'm not whipping my dick out and saying "how's it look tonight babe?" .. she said she doesn't like having the feeling of 'wanting to jump on me' .. uhh, that doesn't sound good on my part of the end :hsugh:
     
  15. Samurai_Boy

    Samurai_Boy New Member

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    A lot of it could be how she was raised? :dunno: Parents brainwashing can really affect a girl, especially on personal things like that.
     
  16. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    You can be raised to put away those drives, but they still exist. Either she is fearful of something, or maybe she is just A-sexual. I remember a survey that showed[i think it was like 1 in 6 but could be way off, either way it was alot more than i thought] many people are A-sexual and dont have a sex drive for either sex.

    However, long relationships arent based on just love. Yes love is key, and should be the foundation of every real long-term relationship. However a sex drive, and a lust for each other needs to exist to make it work also. I love many of my friends, i just dont have any urge to screw them...which is why they remain friends. A loving relationship without a passionate side is just a friendship. Maybe you should talk to her about it, and just be friends? It seems as if thats what she wants, just a friend.
     
  17. Incog91

    Incog91 Guest

    You guys are pretty fucking lame for trying to say someone is "immature" for not wanting to fuck like rabbits.
     
  18. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    No one said anything about fucking like rabbits. You must be pretty simple minded to respond without reading a thread. Or maybe you have problems understand simple english. Before you bash people, know what you are talking about and what is going on.

    We arent talking about sex, we are talking about passion, and sexual desire. Just because you have sexual desire doesnt mean you want sex. Sexual desire is sprung from attraction to each other, and without attraction its just a friendship.

    Could I type it any easier for you to understand, or do I need to spell it out? D-u-m-b-a-s-s. There ya go, thanks for posting, have a nice day.
     
  19. white lightnin

    white lightnin New Member

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    Sounds to me like she has some self-confidence/self-esteem issues. Probably too keyed in on a message from society or her parents that sex is wrong and gross. She needs to feel comfortable, and that is something that comes with time I think.

    Unless you are prepared to wait patiently I say you need to confront the issue. It may lead to you being unhappy for a long time, and thats no way to live.
     
  20. Incog91

    Incog91 Guest

    Everyone says she must be shy or something.

    Maybe she just isn't that into YOU.
     
  21. Prepsho

    Prepsho Guest

    Thanks guys, they all sound like very reasonable answers. I'll try and think about it and confront her. As hard as it hurts, I think loving friends is what this will come to. :o

    She has even told me that looks is the last thing she looks for in a relationship. I've seen her past boyfriends and they look entirely different than me. I've been told I'm a 10 by many girls, I just don't know anymore. I know no one should base a loving relationship on looks, I don't. But I feel if none of it is based on looks, there is no lust. She knows I'm cute and sexy, but I don't think she's attracted to that side of me. She's attracted to my personality which is a good quality to have, but there's no turning her on. I try my best to turn her on just to make things more exciting, but no cigar.

    Im SOL.
     
  22. Prepsho

    Prepsho Guest

    Double Post:

    Her friends have also told me things that I have never heard her say in how long I've known her. I just have a feeling maybe she's no longer interested, even though she says she is. Ugh.
     
  23. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

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    such as??

    it's possible that there is either a. a complete absence of sexual desire in which case you can't do anything. b. a repressed sexual desire that simply hasn't surfaced in her life yet due to past trauma/raising or c. she just hasn't had it awaked and doens't think much of it. i know my g/f bascially had like half a year of crappy sex to start off her sex life and she never thought it was that great (he sounded like a pretty selfish lover, she reads this forum, maybe she'll comment more...).

    you'll have to do some gentle probing to figure out which it is...
     
  24. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    The fact that this is a high school relationship should say a lot. No offense, but she probably isn't at the same maturity level in terms of her sexuality as you are. Careful with the love thing though in high school man, usually doesn't turn out the way you hoped.
     

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