SRS no idea what to title this

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Chemo, Feb 4, 2009.

  1. Chemo

    Chemo New Member

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    long clusterfuck no cliffs,this jumps all over the place

    I don’t even know where to start with this……..im a semi-shy quiet type guy who typically only talks when I feel I have something of value to add to a conversation. I over think situations and outcomes(I remember being in grade 5/6 and wanting to ask out a girl but,I wasn’t sure how and I just kept running ways of asking her out/ different outcomes thru my head and never ended up asking her out) I still do it this day. I sometimes feel I never really found a true group of friends throughout my teenage yrs and then found myself hanging out with younger neighbourhood kids(3-4yrs younger,but ive known them my whole life basically).i went to a CC 15mins away from my town and hence never moved out for college and found myself in a college class with a few guys from my hs,but I still hungout with the neighbourhood guys and got stoned most of the time.
    parents got divorced when i was 17 and from 17-27 ive gone thru some yrs where i hibernate/seclude myself from friends for months on end

    i never graduated my college course and found a job in a factory making truck frames(for 5yrs).saved up money and bought a house.when the economy went to shit,so did my job and with not having much seniority,I opted to take a buy out and cut ties.

    during this time,one summer weekend a friend was having a bad day and wanted to get coked out and wanted to know if he could do it at my place(had no problem with it cuz I wasn’t paying and he gave me a few lines,)fastforward thru the nite and there ends up being 10 or so of us hangin out railing lines……2-3 am rolls around we’re outta blow but my bestfriend(sisters bf) has to go home and get more booze and says he will get another gram on the way back,fine with me.
    long story short bestfriend has never really had any interest in any girls ive been interested in,but his brothers wedding is coming up so he wants to know who im gonna take,needless to say,I tell him he isn’t good enough for my sister(cuz he’s cheated on girls in the past) after that weekend,my sister refused to talk to me because ive never truly been happy for her.well when she tells you not to go out with any of her friends then does the same to you,would you be happy ?

    so from sept –dec my sister was in England teaching English,and throughout that time,I secluded myself from the ppl my former friend and I hungout with,which is understandable. but these mutual friends would bug me to come to their house and hang out,which I never did,1 cuz my former bestfriend was there,2 they are cig smokers and I hate that shit, 3 I have a house of my own that they were welcome to come over to,but don’t unless its after a party and they want to use my hot tub, 4 I really didn’t feel I was missing out on much,when I knew they were sitting on their laptops,watching hockey and smoking cigs/getting stoned(I can do the same shit in my house,minus the cig smoking,which I have a garage to smoke in) (does anyone see anything wrong with this or with my thinking process??)

    ive been hanging around these ppl for yrs, when it comes to me wanting to do something,like go to a bar in the city,they always scoff at that idea cuz you could get shot or stabbed,but when it was at their convience they would go in a heartbeat.ive pretty much got my mind made up,that the ppl I use to party and do drugs with are no longer ppl I would classify as friends.sure they might be the only ppl left in town to hang out with,but do I need people like that in my life?i don’t think so

    i joke that I look after me,myself and I before anyone else,but I use to put my friends first.my sister says im a selfish person,but I tend to disagree.ive been designated driver to parties for yrs,ive been the driver on numerous road trips,but for one day out of the yr(my b-day) do you think anyone wants to do what I want to do on my bday,naw,its just another day

    sorry for this clusterfuck,this crap just eats at me and with not being able to sleep,i figured why not type a novel
     
  2. Chemo

    Chemo New Member

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    havent touched coke in 6months,nor do i wanna touch it ever again

    yea,dating is an issue,my dad pressures me telling me i need to find someone,but i just dont feel like im compatible with anyone cuz im too picky.that and seeing my parents failed marriage and other ppl from my old neighbourhood who had failed marriages,is it all really worth it?


    im currently un-employed,waiting to be called back from a layoff before xmas and they said it might not be until march,but even then ive still been searching for jobs

    i just have feeling of being lost,like i dont know my place
     

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