No clue what to do with the GF... So frustrated...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by YOU MAD, Apr 19, 2010.

  1. YOU MAD

    YOU MAD OT Supporter

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    Alright... let me know your thoughts OT...


    I've been dating this girl for like 4 or 5 months now... I think shit is done though, I need to know if this can be repairable....

    Right when we first started dating she fell madly in love, said she loved like like a month or two in, and seemed a bit obsessed... I wasn't overly bothered by this though; l approached it in a pretty laid back way and just wanted to let things pan out.

    I'm naturally a very laid back person, and she's naturally a super passionate touchy feely kind of person. It's not to say I can't get to that level, I just can't get to that super passionate level so early in a relationship whereas she can.

    This is where the issue lies....

    She's gotten so disgusted and frustrated at my "lack of passion and not caring for her." Which is entirely untrue. I do care about her, and I am passionate in some areas (sex especially..) However, she wants what feels like a constant reminder of how pretty she looks/is. She really just wants me to open up completely. She said "I don't look at her like I want to rip her clothes off" and all kind of other things like this...

    I felt like something was off, but she didn't let me know how she felt about this until it was all built up inside her. Now It's gotten so bad that she's completely shut down and isn't willing to budge. This issue has bothered her so much that shit has gotten sour between us now.

    I sat her down a few weeks ago and basically said I apologize for not being as open as I should have been... I'm willing to do that now, but you you need to step back and be willing to try it again. I'm not asking her to re-force the issue but to allow it to naturally happen again.

    However, it's been a few weeks now and NOTHING has improved. I think it's time to walk away and give up?


    Cliffs...
    1 - dating a super passionate girl who needs lots of attention
    2 - I'm laid back and didn't open up to her completely in the beginning of the relationship because I felt it was too early
    3 - She never let me know how much this bothered her until a few months later...
    4 - She's now frustrated and has changed her approach to me
    5 - I told her lets rewind and I'll do a better of job of opening up.... still no improvements
     
  2. john law

    john law Guest

    Ages?

    I'm the exact same way personality and relationship wise, and I hear the same complaints with women, and I give them the same responses you do.

    With girls like that, you tell her how cute and pretty she is, how much fun she is to be around, and how much you enjoy her company. Tell her how she is the best girlfriend ever and the other girls don't even come close to comparing to her.

    Doesn't necessarily have to be true, but she will eat it up and love you for it. She needs attention, so give it to her.
     
  3. YOU MAD

    YOU MAD OT Supporter

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    she just turned 24
    I'm 25 in a few months...

    ...She's been in a few serious relationships, I've never been in a serious one... A few months and I'm done
     
  4. YOU MAD

    YOU MAD OT Supporter

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    and I did start saying those things you wrote....

    I think in her mind it's just too little too late which is unfortunate. If I had known earlier how much this bothered her things could have been different
     
  5. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    chances are she's acting normally and you just dont want to be in a relationship
     
  6. YOU MAD

    YOU MAD OT Supporter

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    nope...

    after she confronted me about how she felt I noticed and tried to change...

    however, she also changed when she called me out about it. It's hard to explain, but she's just been acting differently ever since.
     
  7. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    well, if she has shut down on such a small issue its a sign of how she handles conflict in a RS.

    you didnt know it bothered her (im gonna assume this is true and you had no idea, although im thinking she mustve made SOME comments).

    she bottled it up and went off on you.

    you are trying to talk to her about how you want to work on it. instead of giving you a chance to she, in turn, has shut down which will only make matters worse.
     
  8. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    The truth is, it really doesn't matter how passionate or not passionate you act. There's going to be that moment of change in a relationship and you can't stop it or change it or change yourself to try and fix it.

    The only thing you can do is to keep being YOU and who YOU are and let things take care of themselves naturally and on their own. You can adjust your focus as needed to cope, but that's all you need to worry about. The minute you start trying to micromanage the relationship to suit her whims is the moment you start beating your head against the wall in frustration.

    Be who you are and continue living your life the way you see fit and continue opening up as you see fit. Let her decide if she can live with it or not.
     
  9. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    Just because she changed doesn't mean she wasn't acting like a normal person does. Now she's just toned it down.
     
  10. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    Not really enough information to go on.

    She could by a low self esteem psycho who would never be happy if you complimented her 24/7 and spread rose petals at her feet or you could be an asshole who never says or does anything nice for his girlfriend.

    Based on the fact that you didn't provide any examples of nice things you have said or done, im going to go ahead and guess you are an asshole, but as i said, not enough info here.
     
  11. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    :ugh:

    Worst advice ever. Completely retarded.
     
  12. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    really? so you dont think, and/or would refuse, to work on certain personality traits in order to make a RS work?

    its not like its something major... she wanted more displays of affection to feel "special".
     
  13. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    has this concern come up again in conversation since your thread from last month?


    if not, maybe you are over analyzing this a bit :eek3:
     
  14. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    This could go both ways, and I've been on each side of the coin.

    1) It might be you with the problem... you are too emotionally distant and not giving her what she needs to feel secure and loved. If this is the case, it's extremely hard to get back to a point where she isn't being haunted by the past instances... that shit will always stick in the back of a chicks mind.
    I've been that dude that does this in more than one relationship.

    2) It might be that she's the problem. She could be very insecure and be one of those immature chicks who constantly need validation and attention from guys (especially her S/O) and really, no matter how "passionate" you are towards her, it's never good enough. You'll always be pissed and frustrated on why she can't just chill and have some confidence, and she'll always hold your "lack of trying" against you... regardless of how hard you try.
    I've also been in this type of relationship.

    Actually, I've experienced each of these with one relationship too :rofl:
     
  15. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    No, I work on personality traits for myself and my own personal development.

    When it comes to relationships, I come "as is" for the most part under the banner that I'm somebody who is into personal development and AM changing, but am changing for myself. Not to make a relationship work.

    The point of relationships is to enjoy each others company, to be an emotional support for each other, to enjoy each other sexually, and to love each other as is. Not try to change them or degrade them or hone them into somebody we want them to be.
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    She's more into you than you are into her?
     
  17. Kyoko

    Kyoko New Member

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    She bases her self-worth on sex. This should have been a huge red flag. Every woman likes to be told that she looks good or whatever, but any woman who needs a constant reminder is broken in the head somehow. And by the time they get to be in their mid-20s, it's usually too late for them to change without professional help.

    Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if you told us she had a secret eating disorder.

    You made an effort to open up and she still isn't budging. You know what that tells me? It's not you. Something is broken inside this girl, and - listen carefully - you can't fix it. The more you try to fix things, the more mixed up she'll get, and eventually she'll be entirely dependent on you to be her emotional crutch. And, believe me, things can rapidly spiral into co-dependency and emotional abuse and manipulation really, really, really quickly.

    There's nothing to repair here. Dump her (nicely) and move on. If she gets clingy/crazy about it, tell her to go get some therapy. That's the only thing that will fix her self esteem.
     
  18. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    sound immature. let her go.
     
  19. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    Is everyone missing the fact that this guy is 25 and its his first relationship?

    Relationships are not something you are born knowing how to do.
     
  20. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    :ugh2:

    Terrible advice

    Some communication would do wonders here. There isn't any astounding revelation here except that they have just learned that they are indeed different people with differing perspectives of the world. Thus, they need to talk about their differing perspectives here. A conversation where they reach an understanding (not agreement, just comprehension) of the other person's perspective would put them in a position to determine if this is a difference in their character and personality that they can live with or not.

    Doing nothing is just plain stupid. :ugh2:
     
  21. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    interesting way to look at it.

    i dont agree with it. but do your thing.



    i for one have certain things i will NOT change for a RS. examples:

    religion... or in my case, lack there of.
    my sense of humor (dark, stereotypes, inappropriate)
    my love for being active
    and more


    however, smaller issues... such as the TS', i would be willing to change for a girl i care about.
     
  22. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    i would tell her that if she wants a man different from you she should go find him because expecting you to change is unrealistic on her part and if she wants something different obviously she is going to have to find it in another man

    then just shut up and go about your business and see what happens

    you might be the best she can do and without you she might have to settle for a man who meets her criteria even less than you do.
     
  23. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    no shit dick tracy.

    Not changing who you are does not equate to not communicating.
     
  24. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    "Just keep being who you are" sure as shit isn't useful to the TS. :slap:
     
  25. ACLdestroyer

    ACLdestroyer OT Supporter

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    Hark,

    In my experience this probably means that she is either cheating on you or thinking of cheating on you. Bottom line is that she has a guy in mind and he probably looks at her the way you dont. She, like many women, wants the first date feeling to last forever when it NEVER can.

    My advice to you is either to tell her to be honest with you or just play it out to the end but be prepared to find out that she is jumping out of your relationship and into another one that she has already set up.
     

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