MIL Nice little email that I've saved...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Twisted STi, May 12, 2005.

  1. Twisted STi

    Twisted STi All wheel or no wheel OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2004
    Messages:
    12,254
    Likes Received:
    0
    REASONS WHY: "I AM NOT STAYING GREEN":
    1. Yesterday sucked, today sucked, tomorrow is going to suck, and this seems to be a pretty solid forecast for the rest of my enlistment.
    2. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year training for something that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never do.
    3. WWWDWOA? (what would we do without acronyms?)
    4. Taking simple daily tasks and breaking them down into nuclear physics before doing them.
    5. Having to attend a brief prior to carrying out any task more complicated than picking my nose.
    6. Being a personal servant (that's basically all I am) to any one of the 300 thousand people in the Marines who out-rank me.
    7. Being a grown man and having somebody inspecting me everyday to make sure I shaved, put my clothes on properly, and put my shoes on the right
    feet.
    8. Where else would I have the chance to be stuck on a ship with a couple hundred people in the middle of nowhere for six months at a time?
    9. Standing "fire watch."
    10. Being guaranteed at least two hours of sleep for every 24 hour period of time.
    11. Getting relieved late after standing watch for four hours with a bullet-proof vest on, a 20lb helmet, and a 20lb rifle in the middle of a typical North Carolina summer day.
    12. Having to wear a "cover," or hat, every time I want to go outside.
    13. I love cleaning the same places over and over and over until either the paint comes off or my hands are bleeding.
    14. I couldn't live without having to write a "request-chit" to do anything other than breathe or wipe my ass, only to have it disapproved and turned down with a lame ass reason as to why they turned it down.
    15. Where else do you get the chance to spend every night in a bed the size of a shelf ?
    16. There just isn't that many jobs out there where you can rest assured that everyone you work for is just waiting to screw you over any way they possibly can.
    17. If I got out, I would surely miss the idea of waking up every morning for "formation."
    18. Standing duty.
    19. Knowing what words like "scuttlebutt" and "bulkhead" actually mean.
    20. Getting to wear civilian clothes whenever I am not in the field.
    21. Getting to eat meat that comes in boxes labeled " not fit for human consumption" and "for institutional use only."
    22. Where else would you have the chance to be out at sea for 38 days straight, about ten miles off the coast of the Virgin Islands and not being able to have "libo" What really made that great was watching the navy take libo. It is really good for your mental health to be strung-along like that.
    23. Getting "random" drug tests every couple of weeks. I was "randomly" picked for every test for almost two years straight. Not many people can testify to taking about 50 drug tests in the past two years without having ever been caught doing drugs in my life.
    24. Going to medical complaining of severe heart and chest pain, and being told to come back during "sick-call" the next day.
    25. I love the fact that my opinion has about as much influence as my sister's pet iguana's. The only opinions that matter come from people wearing rockers.
    26. You do not have to respect the person, you have to respect what they wear on their collar.
    27. I love living in a room with 80 other guys; half of which cannot lift a toilet seat to piss and don't have a clue what a shower is for.
    28. Having the bedroom, showers, and toilettes for the above listed 80 guys in one stinky room.
    29. I hate sleeping. Semper Fi ! Yeah f*cking right.
    30. I love the fact that the military wonders why we have so many people around the world that hate our country. I am sure that us being bullies and telling the world what they can and cannot do, then ignoring those rules ourselves has nothing to do with it
    31. I hate good food.
    32. I love the " you are U.S. ambassadors" speech.
    33. I hate spending time with my family.
    34. Not only getting to do my own job, but getting stuck with as many collateral duties as my chain of command wants to give me.
    35. Having to change your computer password every two weeks to keep terrorists from hacking into our email or even playing a innocent game of solitaire.
    36. I love the fact that you get paid more if you have more kids to take care of. I call it the "crack-head reproduction incentive." This encourages thousands of young Marines less mature than most ten-year olds to have as many kids as possible.
    37. There just aren't many fields to work in where adultery is considered to be a good thing to put on your eval.
    38. I want a job that will not allow me to go home and see the birth of my child. I think that it would be cool to have four kids and not see any of their births.
    39. Hey, at least you can retire from the Marines in twenty years. When you get out you can go work at a company with a former SSgt that you treated like shit, only difference form then and now is that he will be your boss.
    40. When you get out you will only be 38-40. You still have your entire life ahead of you. Yeah, okay, I want my life to start at 38.
    41. I like to watch the same movies over and over for six months straight because that is the only form of entertainment I have on ship.
    42. What? You are going on leave? You better go and shave before you leave this barracks.
    43. Oh, look...There's the boss. We better all stand at attention until he tells us we can move. Do they do that in the civilian world too?
    44. Is that local time or Zulu?
    45. I want to work somewhere that has total control of my paycheck so that they can take half if I mess up.
    46. If I get in trouble out in town I would like to get woken up the next day at "0530" and have to stand in front of my boss, manager, assistant manager, and anyone else who has nothing better to do so that they can all chew my ass.
    47. Can we be tested to make sure we are physically-fit every six months, only please make exceptions to this for enormously fat 30+ year old SSgt and above.
    48. Where else can you pay taxes to pay your own paycheck?
    49. You take an oath to support and defend the Constitution, and after that the Constitution doesn't even apply to you.
    50. Because only during magic shows and working hours are the rules of logic suspended.
    51. Because no-matter how stupid you are, you will eventually get promoted.
    52. Because where else can you get your teeth drilled and fucked up whether they need it or not ?
    53. I like getting my mail two months late.
    54. Where else can you get given shots by people who claim to practice medicine that didn't even graduate from high school, and can't even pronounce the name of the drug that they are injecting you with?
    55. Because if you've had enough military bullshit for one lifetime and you want to quit, you can rest assured that they will do everything it can to fuck you over for the rest of your life.
    56. Because it's fun to go to medical to get your eye checked out and have the corpsman point a light in your eye for ten minutes until you are blind and then to hear them say, "that was cool, let's try the other one."
    57. Why did our parents even bother giving us first names?
    58. Sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day long until about 4:00pm,even though I finished all of my work by ten in the morning is really fun to do every FUCKING DAY...it builds character.
    59. Where else does the Super Bowl Halftime Show incorporate five-minute long commercials about suicide prevention and "Name that State" trivia?
    60. Who really wants to have any control over their life anyway?
    61. I want to eat nothing but fish and/or chicken and rice as the main course of every meal for six months straight.
    62. "There is only one thief in the Marine Corps, everyone else is just trying to get there shit back." Yeah right !
    63. If there is nothing to do, "lets clean weapons" or "field day."
    64. Housing...........................HA!
    65. The pay, please see second part of #64.
    66. Deployments.
    67. CAX.
    68. All day waiting for that very important word, "LIBO."
     
  2. Coco Monkey

    Coco Monkey OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2002
    Messages:
    29,456
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    outstanding.


    most of i can relate to, even in the army.
     
  3. C5Load

    C5Load OT Resident UCLA fanatic

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2001
    Messages:
    11,562
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wherever Freddie takes me
    :rofl:
    god i hate that name that state thing... but then again, i'd rather be at a place with AFN than staying somewhere where we don't
     
  4. Coco Monkey

    Coco Monkey OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2002
    Messages:
    29,456
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Chicagoland
    im so fucking sick of AFN. seriously. :ugh:
     
  5. C5Load

    C5Load OT Resident UCLA fanatic

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2001
    Messages:
    11,562
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wherever Freddie takes me
    when we stay off base in spain, it's

    -MTV europe
    -Bloomberg
    -CNN europe
    -50 channels of spanish.

    oh, and euro sport. i fucking hate soccer.

    AFN's the only reason i like staying on base.
     
  6. pimp

    pimp semperfidelis.com

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2000
    Messages:
    30,304
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Location: Location: Location:
    Imagine spending 3 years non-stop watching that shit.

    But back to the original email/1st post, what the hell did they expect when they joined the military??????
     
  7. pimp

    pimp semperfidelis.com

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2000
    Messages:
    30,304
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Location: Location: Location:
    You know if you'll be involved in our movement next week? We've tasked some C-17s and C-5's to go to Rota from here.
     
  8. C5Load

    C5Load OT Resident UCLA fanatic

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2001
    Messages:
    11,562
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wherever Freddie takes me
    i'm sure we do... we've got a number of crews in the system right now. if you see anyone with a donkey patch, it's one of ours.
     
  9. Dogz

    Dogz interior crocodile moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2005
    Messages:
    121,302
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Selling England by the pound
    :rofl: its true :big grin:
     
  10. Dogz

    Dogz interior crocodile moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2005
    Messages:
    121,302
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Selling England by the pound
    just to add on ...

    1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer's statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go on sick parade, you are able to come to work.

    2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.

    3. Death, Other than Your Own: This is no excuse. If you can arrange the funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.

    4. Death, Your Own: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.

    5. Quantity of Work: No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.

    6. Quality of Work: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.

    7. Advice from the Commanding Officer: Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

    8. The senior officer is Always Right.

    9. When the senior officer is Wrong, Refer to Rule 8.
     
  11. Dogz

    Dogz interior crocodile moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2005
    Messages:
    121,302
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Selling England by the pound
    1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

    2. Incoming fire has the right of way.

    3. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.

    4. The easy way is always mined.

    5. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

    6. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are
    dangerous.

    7. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
    When you're ready for them.
    When you're not ready for them.

    8. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to
    shoot at.

    9. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.

    10. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an
    ambush.

    11. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.

    12. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is
    incoming friendly fire.

    13. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

    14. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

    15. When in doubt empty the magazine.

    16. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.

    17. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.

    18. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't
    get out.

    19. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

    20. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to
    think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough
    to survive.

    21. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and
    don't ever volunteer to do anything.

    22. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too
    small.

    23. Five second fuses only last three seconds.

    24. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the
    area you just bombed.
     
  12. Dogz

    Dogz interior crocodile moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2005
    Messages:
    121,302
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Selling England by the pound
  13. Twisted STi

    Twisted STi All wheel or no wheel OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2004
    Messages:
    12,254
    Likes Received:
    0
    That was some funny shit Dogz
     
  14. Chimpa Codigo

    Chimpa Codigo Bаnned bу Ѕuреr Modulators

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2001
    Messages:
    68,463
    Likes Received:
    21
    Location:
    Salinas, CA

Share This Page