REASONS WHY: "I AM NOT STAYING GREEN": 1. Yesterday sucked, today sucked, tomorrow is going to suck, and this seems to be a pretty solid forecast for the rest of my enlistment. 2. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year training for something that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never do. 3. WWWDWOA? (what would we do without acronyms?) 4. Taking simple daily tasks and breaking them down into nuclear physics before doing them. 5. Having to attend a brief prior to carrying out any task more complicated than picking my nose. 6. Being a personal servant (that's basically all I am) to any one of the 300 thousand people in the Marines who out-rank me. 7. Being a grown man and having somebody inspecting me everyday to make sure I shaved, put my clothes on properly, and put my shoes on the right feet. 8. Where else would I have the chance to be stuck on a ship with a couple hundred people in the middle of nowhere for six months at a time? 9. Standing "fire watch." 10. Being guaranteed at least two hours of sleep for every 24 hour period of time. 11. Getting relieved late after standing watch for four hours with a bullet-proof vest on, a 20lb helmet, and a 20lb rifle in the middle of a typical North Carolina summer day. 12. Having to wear a "cover," or hat, every time I want to go outside. 13. I love cleaning the same places over and over and over until either the paint comes off or my hands are bleeding. 14. I couldn't live without having to write a "request-chit" to do anything other than breathe or wipe my ass, only to have it disapproved and turned down with a lame ass reason as to why they turned it down. 15. Where else do you get the chance to spend every night in a bed the size of a shelf ? 16. There just isn't that many jobs out there where you can rest assured that everyone you work for is just waiting to screw you over any way they possibly can. 17. If I got out, I would surely miss the idea of waking up every morning for "formation." 18. Standing duty. 19. Knowing what words like "scuttlebutt" and "bulkhead" actually mean. 20. Getting to wear civilian clothes whenever I am not in the field. 21. Getting to eat meat that comes in boxes labeled " not fit for human consumption" and "for institutional use only." 22. Where else would you have the chance to be out at sea for 38 days straight, about ten miles off the coast of the Virgin Islands and not being able to have "libo" What really made that great was watching the navy take libo. It is really good for your mental health to be strung-along like that. 23. Getting "random" drug tests every couple of weeks. I was "randomly" picked for every test for almost two years straight. Not many people can testify to taking about 50 drug tests in the past two years without having ever been caught doing drugs in my life. 24. Going to medical complaining of severe heart and chest pain, and being told to come back during "sick-call" the next day. 25. I love the fact that my opinion has about as much influence as my sister's pet iguana's. The only opinions that matter come from people wearing rockers. 26. You do not have to respect the person, you have to respect what they wear on their collar. 27. I love living in a room with 80 other guys; half of which cannot lift a toilet seat to piss and don't have a clue what a shower is for. 28. Having the bedroom, showers, and toilettes for the above listed 80 guys in one stinky room. 29. I hate sleeping. Semper Fi ! Yeah f*cking right. 30. I love the fact that the military wonders why we have so many people around the world that hate our country. I am sure that us being bullies and telling the world what they can and cannot do, then ignoring those rules ourselves has nothing to do with it 31. I hate good food. 32. I love the " you are U.S. ambassadors" speech. 33. I hate spending time with my family. 34. Not only getting to do my own job, but getting stuck with as many collateral duties as my chain of command wants to give me. 35. Having to change your computer password every two weeks to keep terrorists from hacking into our email or even playing a innocent game of solitaire. 36. I love the fact that you get paid more if you have more kids to take care of. I call it the "crack-head reproduction incentive." This encourages thousands of young Marines less mature than most ten-year olds to have as many kids as possible. 37. There just aren't many fields to work in where adultery is considered to be a good thing to put on your eval. 38. I want a job that will not allow me to go home and see the birth of my child. I think that it would be cool to have four kids and not see any of their births. 39. Hey, at least you can retire from the Marines in twenty years. When you get out you can go work at a company with a former SSgt that you treated like shit, only difference form then and now is that he will be your boss. 40. When you get out you will only be 38-40. You still have your entire life ahead of you. Yeah, okay, I want my life to start at 38. 41. I like to watch the same movies over and over for six months straight because that is the only form of entertainment I have on ship. 42. What? You are going on leave? You better go and shave before you leave this barracks. 43. Oh, look...There's the boss. We better all stand at attention until he tells us we can move. Do they do that in the civilian world too? 44. Is that local time or Zulu? 45. I want to work somewhere that has total control of my paycheck so that they can take half if I mess up. 46. If I get in trouble out in town I would like to get woken up the next day at "0530" and have to stand in front of my boss, manager, assistant manager, and anyone else who has nothing better to do so that they can all chew my ass. 47. Can we be tested to make sure we are physically-fit every six months, only please make exceptions to this for enormously fat 30+ year old SSgt and above. 48. Where else can you pay taxes to pay your own paycheck? 49. You take an oath to support and defend the Constitution, and after that the Constitution doesn't even apply to you. 50. Because only during magic shows and working hours are the rules of logic suspended. 51. Because no-matter how stupid you are, you will eventually get promoted. 52. Because where else can you get your teeth drilled and fucked up whether they need it or not ? 53. I like getting my mail two months late. 54. Where else can you get given shots by people who claim to practice medicine that didn't even graduate from high school, and can't even pronounce the name of the drug that they are injecting you with? 55. Because if you've had enough military bullshit for one lifetime and you want to quit, you can rest assured that they will do everything it can to fuck you over for the rest of your life. 56. Because it's fun to go to medical to get your eye checked out and have the corpsman point a light in your eye for ten minutes until you are blind and then to hear them say, "that was cool, let's try the other one." 57. Why did our parents even bother giving us first names? 58. Sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day long until about 4:00pm,even though I finished all of my work by ten in the morning is really fun to do every FUCKING DAY...it builds character. 59. Where else does the Super Bowl Halftime Show incorporate five-minute long commercials about suicide prevention and "Name that State" trivia? 60. Who really wants to have any control over their life anyway? 61. I want to eat nothing but fish and/or chicken and rice as the main course of every meal for six months straight. 62. "There is only one thief in the Marine Corps, everyone else is just trying to get there shit back." Yeah right ! 63. If there is nothing to do, "lets clean weapons" or "field day." 64. Housing...........................HA! 65. The pay, please see second part of #64. 66. Deployments. 67. CAX. 68. All day waiting for that very important word, "LIBO."