SRS New to Sex Addiction recovery (Anon Post)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by i killed tupac, Jul 23, 2008.

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  1. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    On my R2R for sex addiction. Just signed up with SAA and joined the board there. Just joined up on the boards over there and was wondering if I had any fellowship on OT ready to get well. Sadly, gross as I felt for so long, it took a disease scare and loss of my love to get me to come to grips with my problem.

    {ANON}
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2009
  2. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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  3. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    (ANON REPLY)
    Seriously, nobody else spends more time than you really want to on watching/DLing porn or at strip clubs or whacking off or thinking sexually at a compulsive level?
     
  4. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    (MY REPLY)

    I think a lot of people do, but i think just as many never think if it as an addiction behavior(and then think there's no help sadly), and therefor might not find their way to a recovery forum. I see sex addiction a lot in recovery, and i used to be that way too. I would have gigs of porn for no reason other than to have it.

    Furthermore, since the internet itself is a sort of porn crackhouse-it may not be the most advised place for some sex addicts. You certainly aren't alone, but may not find a ton of help here. Try reading things in R2R relating to drugs or alcohol, and see how it could be applied to sex.
     
  5. O'Fuck

    O'Fuck Guest

    Ya if I had a sex addiction, I would definitely log off :hs:
     
  6. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    (ANON REPLY)

    Post:
    Yeah, good point about the porn crackhouse "" not being the place to go for help on this topic.

    Still, there are resources available though and some of them help get you in touch with real people and a recovery program.

    These:
    http://www.sexaa.org/
    &
    http://www.sa.org/

    are great starting points for online help with a reach into the real world. I'm working on this now myself.
     
  7. psilocyborg

    psilocyborg Guest

    You should try to get a clean nymphomaniac with a good personality/body; problem solved.
     
  8. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    (MY REPLY)

    I had a thought-it seams like all this sexual behavior isnt with a partner-it's with yourself. It's not sex-its masturbation. It's strip clubs, porn, and masturbation. Is this maybe more of a case of self obsession?
     
  9. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    (ANON REPLY)

    Anon reply -

    Yes, I think that's a part of it along with self centeredness, esteem, shame, lust etc. The problem is, for me at least, when the activity itself becomes an obsession to the detriment of healthy interactions and relationships. It's a secondary life of lust or sexual activity hidden from the real world. And then the line blurrs - it's not just about masturbation, strip clubs and porn itself, it's how much of your life and thought process and actions do those things control and can you stop? Might include prostitution, multiple sex partners - basically loss of control and you justify that you're in control with any number of reasons that are, or were for me, figments of your imagination.

    It's hard to explain just what it felt like or how it validated me until I would here and there realize how disgusted I was with myself for being in that position or how much time I'd actually just wasted on DLing porn and so on instead of being with the woman I loved or doing something productive.

    Yeah, 10,20,30, 60 minutes with nothing else going on is one thing maybe but a few hours a day, sometimes multiple times a day, was a problem for me. You want to stop but can't. That could be summed as self obsession I guess but it's just that you're at the point you want to stop what you're doing or control it and can't. That's where I got to, especially after my last experiences and getting challenged by my ex that I have a problem when I was telling her what had happened. She was right.
    And not for any prudish or non-understanding reasons.
    ***************
     
  10. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    (ANON REPLY)


    Really? Nobody else that feels this way? Nobody that spends to much time downloading porn or too much effort/money at the strip club in a downward spiral?

    Maybe it really is just me. I hope anyone else looking at a strip club issue knows, at some point, you're going to cross that line. I didn't think I ever would either, but I finally did and it's cost me my best ever relationship and possibly my health, and more alarmingly, possibly hers.

    Take a good look at yourself and your patterns and think on it a bit before you lose everything and put others at risk.
     
  11. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    what do you mean? health? like an STD?
     
  12. kenlee

    kenlee New Member

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    You know, once I went on Propecia for hair restoration my sex drive went to shit. Before all I could think about was sex and now it's every now and then. I know this probably will not help, but it did come to mind after reading this post.
     
  13. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    (ANON REPLY)

    Yeah, and STD that you may carry with you for the rest of your life and even worse might give to someone else without even knowing.
     
  14. YourMomOnRyeBun

    YourMomOnRyeBun New Member

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    How does one differentiate between an obsession with porn, an addiction with porn and just be really horny all the time? Where is the line drawn?
     
  15. danceswdevils

    danceswdevils New Member

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    I'm afraid that line can only be drawn in any meaningful way by the individual who is sick and suffering. For everyone else, the distinction is merely academic.
     
  16. YourMomOnRyeBun

    YourMomOnRyeBun New Member

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    Okay...well then how would one determine if they are "sick and suffering"?
     
  17. danceswdevils

    danceswdevils New Member

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    I define it something like this: no matter how pleasurable the activity may be, when it becomes "compulsive" the person does not feel that they are choosing to indulge in that behavior. It is more like being enslaved to it.

    As well as being an alcoholic and drug abuser, I used to be a compulsive "checker". Couldn't walk away from the house or the car without having to go back and check 3 or 4 times to make sure that things were off, doors were locked, brakes were set, etc. None of those behaviors is particularly upsetting. But the fact that the behavior was compulsive made me miserable. I couldn't go on with my life without that behavior getting in my way no matter how much I hated doing it.
     
  18. TucsonTerror

    TucsonTerror OT Supporter

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    Link to on-line test?
     
  19. TucsonTerror

    TucsonTerror OT Supporter

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  20. YourMomOnRyeBun

    YourMomOnRyeBun New Member

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    Do you have a link for an online sex addict test?

    Just like alcholism, you can be sober and still an addict...it would be nice to know if you were a sex/porn addict and are just in control of yourself at the moment.

    Your behaviors may be okay (so you don't exhibit the symptoms), but your thoughts may be that of an addict.
     
  21. TucsonTerror

    TucsonTerror OT Supporter

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    Pretty similar -
    http://www.sa.org/test.php
     
  22. YourMomOnRyeBun

    YourMomOnRyeBun New Member

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    The questions are good, but it never tells you what to do with your answers. If you have XX "No" responses, what does that mean?
     
  23. TucsonTerror

    TucsonTerror OT Supporter

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    Good point. I found one on a UK site that has more info - same questions:
    [FONT=Arial,Helvetica,Swiss]The Analysis[/FONT]
    [FONT=Arial,Helvetica,Swiss]1 to 5.
    Lust may be causing you a few problems in your life and you probably have more of it than most people.
    You may or may not be a sexaholic.
    Talk to someone in SA or attend a meeting to see if you identify with the problem at all.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=Arial,Helvetica,Swiss]5 to 10.
    Reasonably strong likelihood that you are a sexaholic.
    Talk to someone in SA, go to a couple of meetings to see if you identify.
    [/FONT]
    [FONT=Arial,Helvetica,Swiss]10 to 20.
    There is a very high probability that you are a sexaholic.
    If you wish to give up your addiction contact SA and start attending meetings.
    [/FONT]
     
  24. Xicculus

    Xicculus OT Supporter

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    I'm curious as to what the meetings look like - what are people discussing, and is it easy to have a co-ed setting when everyone is addicted to sex? i.e. is having a sex-addicted woman sitting next to you at SAA like having cold beer next to you at an AA meeting?
     
  25. TucsonTerror

    TucsonTerror OT Supporter

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    Depends on where you're located. The phone meetings follow the same course as the in person meetings in my experience so it's a matter of what works for you. There is a different honesty challenge when in a face-to-face meeting vs. a phone meeting.

    Unfortunately, the local meetings I've attended are very "Christian" vs. just "Spiritual" but the intent is still generally the same. "The Lord's Prayer" is pretty frickin' denominational and doesn't lend itself to non-Christians. I'm going to continue because I promised myself I would but I'm also going to seek 1:1 therapy.

    Some meetings have just 2 people and some have 20 and others have something in between. If you're truly interested, check these sites to find meetings:
    http://sexaholics.org/ or http://www.sexaa.org/

    There are other sites and organizations but these are the kings of the 12-step programs in this arena.
     
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