SRS new girlfriend concerns.. who is right?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by heffy, Mar 10, 2005.

  1. heffy

    heffy New Member

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    I met this girl in class about a month and a half ago, and since then we've gotten really close and started officially dating about a week and a half ago. We are both really busy, but try to spend as much time with each other as possible.

    However, she has friends in the same class we met in. I only really talk to one other person other than her, and my friend is a guy. She has a guy friend she talks to, which really isn't a big deal to me. Normally, she sits between me and her guy friend.

    Last class, she said hi to me before class and kept on talking to him during class, laughing and having fun with him. I'm glad she was having a good time, but I was just sitting next to her thinking "... um, do you know your boyfriend is right next to you? why don't you try talking to him right about now.. he would give anything for you to even notice him right now"

    after class, we were walking towards the exit and I walked a little faster than he did, and she ended up walking with him until we all got outside. I asked her if she wanted to grab a bite to eat (that time of the day is the only time I have to eat something, so I HAVE to eat right then or not eat for a period of like 8 hours), and she waited a long time before saying "ok", after which she promptly asked him to eat with us too. He declined, and always does.

    I had a talk with her about it, and while I'm not jealous of the guy, I feel that she should've at least said hi to me during the class instead of just laughing at whatever the other guy had to say. He's a nice guy and always helps her with homework, and I don't have anything against him. She told me not to feel how I do and that he's not even a good friend, just somebody that "has a matching personality"... :ugh:

    here's how the discussion went:
    me: I wish we had the same relationship you have with him.. you're a lot closer to him than to me
    her: I've known him a lot longer than I've known you
    me: you've known him since last semester
    her: I've known you since last month
    me: you've known him longer than you've known me, but you make no effort to try to get to know me better than you already do. All you did was sit in class and talk with him. You barely even looked at me, even though I sat right next to you. You always talk with him, even the teacher thinks you two are dating.
    her: she does not
    me: she asked you at the beginning of the semester if you two were dating
    her: <silence>
    me: I felt really bad during class... I wanted you to talk to me, but you never did. It was like I wasn't even there.
    her: <silence> I'm sorry
    me: <silence>

    am I wrong for being kinda pissed? Even though we've only dated a week and a half, I'm really into this girl.

    how come whenever I date a girl, SOMETHING always has to get in the way... why can't things go smoothly for once
     
  2. HeftyFD

    HeftyFD Guest

    dude thats just how life is sometimes....i dont really think you have a reason to be upset since you just started dating the chick, but i can see why you would be. my advice would be to take what shes telling you with a grain of salt, because if its really as bad as was protrayed above, i wouldnt believe her when she says shes just friends with the guy. take what you want from this, its just my 2 cents
     
  3. JpnDude

    JpnDude New Member

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    Don't sweat the "in class" stuff too much. Do you and your gf spend time together outside of school? Then let that be your private special time. She has her friends and as long as she does things in the open with her friend and not "behind closed doors", I wouldn't worry too much. Just keep doing what you have been with her to make her your gf in the first place. Good luck.
     
  4. Phlab

    Phlab OT Supporter

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    Look at it conversely:

    You sit in class, next to your girlfriend. You ignore her the entire class and totally chat it up with some hot chick next to you. On the way out, your girlfriend asks if you want to go to lunch.. you pause and invite the girl you've been chattin up.

    That's right, you'd be in the fucking doghouse FOREVER.
     
  5. vierstein

    vierstein New Member

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    dunno, i'd say think about it carefully, when se said sorry was that really sincere? maybe she didnt think about it too much, maybe she wasnt quite sure how to talk to you, if shes known this guy for a while, and then starts dating you, its pretty obvious that he's just friend.
    I'd say you two treat social interaction quite a bit different, to her it was probably nothing, but for you that kinda thing is a big deal. maybe she also though that she really would only get to talk to him during class whereas she could talk to you anytime.

    I'd say just be careful, and make sure you know whats going on, and that she knows how you feel about certain things like that

    'nyway, Good luck.
     
  6. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    The "has a matching personality" comment is not good. I'm not sure how she possibly could expect that to be the right thing to say to you. Unless, she is trying to get you to take a hint that she was too soon to say yes to dating you and maybe is changing her mind towards this guy. Are you in college, high school? Also, after a 10 days or so, I wouldn't be calling her your girlfriend. She is a girl you are dating, but not girlfriend. Of course, you might be reading into things too much and the best and only thing you can really do is ignore their little conversations in class. You will only hurt your relationship by making her feel like she can't talk to this guy, girls never like a guy that is jealous. Maybe a little jealousy to let them know you want them, but I wouldn't bring it up again. Good luck.
     
  7. heffy

    heffy New Member

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    that's exactly what I'm saying... but I'd never do that, though. Even though I have hot female friends, if I'm with my girlfriend, I focus 100% of my attention on my girlfriend. If some girl wants to say hi to me and expects to drag it on longer than a minute, I always say "well, good luck on your tests. I'll see you later" and go be with my girlfriend
     
  8. heffy

    heffy New Member

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    it's quite not like that. They call each other a lot and do homework a lot (since he's in a lot of her classes... they see each other every day) and he's really good at math-type stuff, so she asks him for help a lot.

    If she could only see him during class, then I would understand, but sometimes I feel that they hang out more than we do.

    Her main language isn't English, and while I speak some of the language she's fluent in, I'm nowhere near fluent. Her friend is the same nationality as her, so they will talk it up in another language. It's hard to try and say something in another language when she's laughing at everything he's saying. I didn't have anything to talk about, so I couldn't just interrupt them and be like "so.. did you do your homework?"

    that's what pissed me off the most... not looking at me, not talking with me, not paying attention to me, giving me no opportunity to even talk to her, talking with a guy who has "a matching personality" and who helps her a lot with homework...

    sorry, but regardless of what everybody here said, I think my being pissed off is well-justified
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2005
  9. heffy

    heffy New Member

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    I'm not saying she can't talk to the guy. He's a good guy and a good friend, I don't want her to lose all of her friends because of me. All I'm asking of her is to NOT talk to her friends 100% of the time when I'm there, and at least fucking look at me even if you're not going to talk

    we've been dating ever since we met.. we became official about 10 days ago. We're both in college.

    I don't know... I've talked to her twice about it, and since I've gotten my point across, I'm done talking to her about it. She apologized and said she won't do it again, so hopefully things will be alright.

    And when she says she won't do it again, I don't mean she's not gonna talk to her friend from now on.... I mean she's going to at least say hi to me and talk to me during class instead of just flirting with the other guy.
     
  10. Britney Spears

    Britney Spears New Member

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    lol @
    Seriously,
    If you even still care that much, you might try making her jealous.
    Turn the tables on her.
     
  11. jeyur

    jeyur cum fairy OT Supporter

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    i think you are worrtying about nothing. give her her space and dont see too much into things like her talking to him in class

    Note to self: listen to your own advice :hs:
     
  12. Britney Spears

    Britney Spears New Member

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    Yea, stop making an issue out of something that's life.
     

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