SRS New b/f

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by surfer doll, Apr 30, 2005.

  1. surfer doll

    surfer doll What the hell are you waiting for

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    Well, I make pretty good money, and my b/f doesn't have a job, he goes to school full time, and he quit his old job because of a knee injury.. well since we hooked up I have been paying for everything, I mean everything... It hasn't really bothered me until now, cause he expects it.. and thats what pisses me off.. Like he says, lets go to a nice restaurant, then when the bill comes he just kinda gives me the eye... I know that he can't afford it.. and I just want to go out and have a good time, but I don't want to feel like I have to fork up the money every time... is that a bad thing? Not to say I'm being taken advantage of, but thats how I feel..
    He's gonna get a job in summer, but he just bought a brand new car, so it's not like he's gonna have money then either.
    Should I say something to him or what???
     
  2. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    Wow, this is like reverse gold-digging. I really don't know how you've dealt with it this long. My suggestion would be to talk about it. Like other problems it will wear on the relationship if it isn't brought out into the clear and you let it build up. Just say you want to be more 50/50 in the relationship financially. If he can't understand that then you need to either just accept it and put up with it, or leave him. It would piss me off if someone complained to me they can't afford things and then went out and bought a new car.
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Your boyfriend is a leech. Give him the boot.

    Or, he can stay but the gravy train ends. (although I doubt you'll be successful with that. In the end, you'll have to give him the boot first before any change in his behaviour is realized.)
     
  4. l S3RG10 l

    l S3RG10 l New Member

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    My good freind was in the exact same situation as you.

    She got fed up with him after about a year or so and was so angry she didn't leave him sooner. Does he do things for you that don't cost money? Does he say thank you afterwords? Either way I would move on.
     
  5. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    The one who pays has the power. It's a fair trade-off I think.
     
  6. PaZzEsCo

    PaZzEsCo New Member

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    Wait so I'm confused. You know he doesn't have a job, so no money! How can you not expect to not pay for everything? If you don't want to pay for everything and it's bothering you then I don't think you should be with him.
     
  7. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    I think your being rather sexist. Most women would experience zero guilt with the guy picking up the tab all the time. Indeed, they would find it rather romantic. Still, my gut feeling is that he's a parasite. Fish or cut bait.
     
  8. Girder_Shade

    Girder_Shade OT Supporter

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    Wow he is so lucky to have you!
    I'd find it really hard to ever see any female being the one who pays for everything in a relationship.

    Actually one of my friends was in the situation before.
    He was basically a bum. No money, no job, no education (he quit uni half way through to work at maccas and then ended up getting fired from there), no car, and still living with his parents and he's 21.

    Now that is a sad story but what really makes me mad is that somehow he managed to get this pretty good looking girl friend and she's got a job, income, a car, etc and she drives his lazy ass around everywhere and pays for him when they go out. WTF?!!?
    All I can say is what a stupid bitch!
    I mean sure my mate isnt bad looking but why cant I have a girl like that?

    Its a bit better now though cause he's got a job and a car now. But still, what kind of girl hangs around a bum like that?
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Clearly your not comfortable with him, and your body gives signals about the situation. And i can tell you from life experience that if something doesn't feel right, it will only give more misery. And that's even true in your case as the situation is eating you alive. Ok he goes to school , but expect from him to take at least a side job in order to contribute to the relationship. And it's all about love going 2 ways. You know if he really loves you, and helps you around, and is just too busy to have an extra job, but really puts in a lot of effort into the relationship , id say keep him and only go out to low cost or non costing locations , or maby more romantic dinners at home, where you can do some cheapness., and if he complains about that, you can complain that as long as he isn't contributing and doesn't jump along in paying the bills, that you cannot afford all them fancy restaurant visits. Tell him that it really bothers you, and that you really do love him, but also have to look at your financial situation. And that although you aknowledge that he is in school, that you dont agree on that being a valid reason to ruin your own finances. Tell him that he either has to take another job, or put up with the situation, or if not it might be better to seperate from eachother. Which is sad but better then continues war in the living room.
     
  10. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    While I agree in principle to the idea it's a little bit of a double standard....

    This guy does sound a bit like a retard... anyone who buys a car with no job prospects sounds like a habitual loser for life.
     
  11. maygen mo

    maygen mo New Member

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    my ex never had money either. i put up with it for 3 years. if you don't deal with it early on nothing is going to change. it also sucks when he isn't grateful for it. :/
     
  12. jeyur

    jeyur cum fairy OT Supporter

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    leave him
     
  13. PrettyKittieJ

    PrettyKittieJ New Member

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    I have been in the SAME EXACT situation as you. I hate to say it but you may want to think about leaving him.

    I had a boyfriend once and when we first got together I was an Assistant Manager at a retail store - so I was making pretty good money for a 20 year old girl. I had my own apartment, I was going to school full-time and everything I had was in my name. My car, my cell phone, my insurance - everything.

    My boyfriend on the other hand didnt have a job, everything was in his parents name (which came to be an issue in the end) and our distance from each other was two hours away.

    Which meant - I paid for gas money - I paid for the dates out - I paid for it all. Every now and again he would chip in b/c he had savings - but it wasnt alot. I tried to understand and I tried to be paitent and then he finaly got a side job.

    To make a long story short in the end, he used me. I helped him out with alot of things, made him realize that his parents were ruling his life and now hes gone.

    Now hes with his new girlfriend - they are also in a long distance relationship and they see each other every other weekend (whereas when we were together I would see him once a month or so) and of course he has a better job now so I am sure that he can pay for her and him and not be hurting....

    Either way - my gut tells me this guy is no good - if he just bought a new car - where is the money for the payments coming from?

    Let it go girlie - you need to be with someone who can give you 50/50
     
  14. PrettyKittieJ

    PrettyKittieJ New Member

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    As for the 'double standard' comments......in my relationships I prefer to split it - I would rather it be 50/50 so I dont feel like I owe anyone anything. But thats just me - Im rare around these parts...
     
  15. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    I disagree. Around here most people pay at or near the 50/50 ratio in relationships. I, for one, wouldn't have it any other way. My BF sometimes takes me on dates where he pays for everything, but then I do the same.

    To the original poster, whether you ditch him or not depends on what you expect to get out of the relationship. If he suggests going out to an expensive restaurant and expects you to pick up the tab, I'd say you've been used. Next time, ask if he's buying. Personally, I wouldn't keep a BF like that - too much 'take' and not enough 'give' on his part.
     
  16. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Should you say something? Duh. Tell him to get a job, cause you're tired of paying for everything. Not hard. If you can't even say this... you should probably dump him anyway.
     
  17. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    True. :)
     
  18. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    how the hell does a guy with no job and no money buy a car?

    and i'd say dump his ass, unless he gives back by doing LOTS of stuff for you
     
  19. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Really. I'd make him lick my ass daily for that.
     
  20. dzima

    dzima Guest

    Give Him Time. He can change. I did. I was sitting in the same shoes as he is. The funny thing is I had hurt my knee too. I lost my job and also my girlfriend. She was the best thing that had ever hapend to me. I admit, I mess it up. I didnt feel as If I was heathy enough to find a job. Now I am without her and I am now making good money. dont let money get in the way unless it is a big issue. Things can change and it sounds like it will to me. When somone sits around and has everything handed to them it is so easy to ajust to that. Keep incuraging him to get a job. Dont get mad becuse he doesnt have one. Just dont go out of your way for him. make him earn the things he gets untill he recives a job. If you love him stand by his side. True love is hard to find. Once it is lost it can NEVER be replaced. I know this.

    Dan
     
  21. surfer doll

    surfer doll What the hell are you waiting for

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    I wouldn't breakup with him because he has no money, I would if I keep paying for everything and continued not appreciating it.
    I tried talking to his friend, but she really didn't understand. It's a new relationship, and I don't want to come off as a bitch.
     
  22. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    So politely explain to him that you're not his bankroll.

    I guess I'm a little more sensitive to it because my last BF got a free ride for a while. He was looking for work, but refused to take a crap job to support himself while he was looking, choosing instead to do contract work and rely on me when he couldn't pull through. It would have been fine if he asked me about it first, but he didn't. I eventually ended things because the relationship wasn't going anywhere.
     
  23. kpazzo6

    kpazzo6 New Member

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    i say get married... :rofl:
     
  24. kpazzo6

    kpazzo6 New Member

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    surfer doll is text message pimptress....

    Next.... :mamoru:
     
  25. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    I had a girlfriend like that... the second they start expecting you to pay for anything (save things you SHOULD pay for, like birthdays, etc) they're overstepping a boundary..

    only exceptions to this are marriage, where the money is/should be in a common pool, and both parties pull their own weight (either financially or household work)
     

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