Never ask for her number

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Style, Apr 8, 2008.

  1. Style

    Style Boioioioioioioioing

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2005
    Messages:
    13,778
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dubai
    As much as this statement is against all the "laws" of seduction, a friend of mine, who is a natural, tells me to never ever ask for her number. "Give her your number instead," he says.

    I asked him why, and he tells me when you ask for her number, you don't know if she will answer, if she's busy, if she can't hang out... Also you always make these "plans" on when to call.

    Instead, when you give her your number, either of 2 things will happen: she calls you (ie. she's interested in talking to you again) or she doesn't.

    And he doesn't give a shit if she doesn't call. Her loss, so to speak. In his case, 99% of all the chicks call back.

    I thought about it, and he has a point. I mean you're really portraying yourself as the prize. Why should we, men, always have to make the move? I mean we made the first move when we approached her. Now it's the women's turn to respond. Why should we follow them?

    Thoughts?
     
  2. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2002
    Messages:
    59,957
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Go Dodger Blue!
    Not in my experience both personal and through observation. Girls rarely call back. At least not the club sluts. In fact I have always heard the opposite--that you should always get their number and never give out yours. But maybe in this day and age, in the "emo" era where people are so depressed and desperate for attention that maybe these girls really are all calling him instead of laughing at it with their friends or tossing the card with his # on it while walking to their cars from the club. Or in this time of women's liberation girls don't really feel like a whore if they take the initiative. And if so, maybe "club sirens" would be a better term to describe them.

    Older girls (30+) will have no problem calling you though. Unless it's a club promoter named Joanna. Warning: she flakey.
     
  3. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    7,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    do what works for you

    and I don't know many (maybe 2) great guys who give their number, and that's only sometimes

    Girls are more hesitant to call you. She's then responsible for what she does with you, because she chose it. When the guy calls, he's leading her-- and she can just go with the flow.

    And I really do have an issue with people claiming to 'not give a shit'. It's one thing to not be too affected by it. But if we prefer she calls (in this case) to NOT calling, then that by definition is having a preference -- or caring about what happens.

    If she doesn't see those oh sooo great qualities your friend has, then is it her fault she's so CLEARLY blind or his fault that he couldn't demonstrate it when they met?
     
  4. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,238
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC

    1. do what works. this is more important than anything else.

    2. You really want to give up control like that? I like being the one who decides where, what, etc... you give that up. You really envy women sitting by the phone?

    3. Your results will probably not be as good as if you remained in the chase.

    4. why should you as the man have to make the move? you are the man, you are supposed to, and supposed to enjoy it.
     
  5. PlutoBHG

    PlutoBHG New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2005
    Messages:
    5,628
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Somewhere out there (Houston=home)
    dumbasses, the reason you dont give out your number is so they dont call you in the middle of you working another prospective.....
     
  6. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    I'd rather be in control of the situation by having the number. My roommate recently called me all excited "I just asked out that hot bank teller!!!!!!!" :)rolleyes:)

    When he got home he was so excited because this chick is fucking hot... in a really hot girl next door/really nice girl type of way. But then he told me that he gave her his number and I just :rofl:

    "She'll call dude, you just watch... she'll call"

    Two weeks has gone by and I feel bad for him now because he seriously was like a girl sitting by the phone type of thing, but every day his smile got a little smaller. And now he has started going to a different branch :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    If he had asked for her number she either would have said no and he would have had his answer right then and there. Or he would have got her number and the ball would be in his court.
     
  7. PlutoBHG

    PlutoBHG New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2005
    Messages:
    5,628
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Somewhere out there (Houston=home)
    tell him to go back and just not say anything about it to her...she might remember and be like, OH CRAP I LOST YOUR NUMBER IM SORRY!
     
  8. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    I'd rather tease him and laugh... it's what we do

    And I doubt that is why she didn't call him. I oddly enough have a handful of friends that work as bank tellers and they have told me many many many times that they get hit on and asked out CONSTANTLY. But their job forces them to be super nice and easy going so they can't just laugh in guys faces etc, or make them feel awkward/bad. So I figure this is exactly what happened, and I called it from the first minute he told me about asking her out.
     
  9. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    7,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    is this a joke?
     
  10. Taker

    Taker 找死吗?

    Joined:
    May 25, 2001
    Messages:
    29,809
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern Virginia
    question, what kind of girls are they???
     
  11. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,002
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Raleigh, NC
    I agree that you should do what works for you, but...

    In response to #2:
    Is it really giving up control? That is, if you give her your number, you've made the statement "I want you to call me", then if she does, you can still follow the pua rule (one of the ones I totally agree with) of having a "date" in mind so it would go: If she calls and wants to go out, I'll suggest a picnic at the park on saturday at 4. You still get to decide where and what.
    Thats assuming when she calls she doesnt already have the where and what planned out, and I think this is a fair assumption just because, well, I dont think most girls I know would do this (I wouldnt have thought of it before reading the pua tips).
    Even if she does and you dont like her 'plan', you can always offer yours, right? Then the same rules apply - she offers, you counter, if she cant agree to your plan and her interest is high enough, she counters again and you're back to the same place you would have been had you called.

    I also think that his original post implied that his friend was definitly NOT "sitting by the phone"

    #3:
    If he does what works for him, his results will be good by definition, right?

    #4:
    Doesnt giving her your number count as "making the first move"?
     
  12. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    7,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    I'm just gonna say it...

    for guys who aren't getting any more than a couple numbers a month (if that) maybe you sure have strong opinions on this shit

    maybe not everyone, but you know who you are

    no need to fight back if you're consistently getting results -- though watch out, those of you who lash out
     
  13. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Who is this even aimed at? This thread had been very civil until this post
     
  14. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,238
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    yes, hes giving up control. waiting for someone to call is the passive, and historically feminine role. Nothing wrong with it if thats what you want to do, but you should be aware of what you are doing. I hate the part where you finally have to just leave a message and wait for a call back. It feels very different from having a new number in your phone and and just waiting for when you feel like acting. While I agree with what you are saying that you can still negotiate plans on the phone, it just seems to be different in a bad way.

    3. if 1/3 of the girls he gives his number to call, I would imagine he could double his number of dates to 2/3'ers if he got numbers instead of gave his. Its obvious that a girl thats on the fence may not call, but may very well be receptive if you call and get to know her better and have a fun plan.
     
  15. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,002
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Raleigh, NC
    I see what you're saying, and I also subscribe to the traditional male/female roles we're talking about...if someone wants to reverse this, great, as long as it works for him/them. A few follow ups though?

    1) If you know you're going to end up here anyway (if she doesnt answer on the first call) then why not skip the step all together?

    2) Could you elaborate on "different in a bad way"?

    Oh, definitly. Personally, if a guy gave me his number and I was iffy, I just wouldnt call. If he called me its double the "interest" from him (he asked for my number + he called) so it would be more reassurance for me, which is good.
     
  16. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    34,837
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Deutschland

    girls calling you randomly is a good thing (generally), helps solidify pre-selection.



    do what works. if you build minimal attraction, sure there's no guarantee she'll call back. if you build alot of attraction and really push her buttons getting her interested, and you give her your number, she'll pursue, which is what you want. think of it as a filter for the girls, the ones that call are really going out on a limb for you and interested. whereas you can get any girl's number for any reason (she's just being nice, she's obliged, can't say no blah blah blah), call her up, setup a date, and then get flaked out on because she has nothing invested in you.


    i don't think it's bad, just has to be done right.
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    highly interested women will answer the phone or call back promptly
     
  18. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    7,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    It's certainly civil but there are a couple posts (meh, maybe I overreacted and brought in my angst about other vag members from other threads) that really smell like assumptions without personal evidence/experience.

    You know the deal. Everyone loves giving advice but don't have hard experience.
     
  19. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,002
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Raleigh, NC
    How do the guys in this thread feel about a numbers swap?

    The only reason I ask is b/c I (and many girls I know) dont answer unknown numbers on my cell/caller ID.
     
  20. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,238
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    1) I hope to not end up there. I like phonecalls > texting > voicemail. I don't leave a message on the first call. Ill just try back later. If they still don't answer, I leave a message, but im not happy about it.

    2) Well its just feels unpreppared. Its a lot easier to go into it with your homework done. What if she calls before I know if my ex gf is going to be at the party I wanted to invite her to? What if i wanted a weeknight date and she doesn't call till the weekend? I just like being in control and prepared.

    not to mention a lot of other subtle details. leading is my style, so obviously im going to prefer that. In addition, a girl who has been starring at her phone for 20 minutes trying to work up the confidence to call is going to be more awkward then a girl who gets the phone call shes been waiting for and is in more of a giddy "omg!yay! he called!" state of mind.
     
  21. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,238
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    the numbers swap is ok.

    unrelated but I consider it a major red flag when people cant answer unknown numbers. How much negativity and drama do you have in your life when you are afraid to answer the phone?

    whenever I hear a girl doesnt answer unknown numbers, im thinking "oh great... pyscho ex'es, weird stalkers, she gives her number out to eighty billion guys a week" there is just not one good reason I can think of for someone to be afraid of a phone call.
     
  22. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets

    this is absolutely true. however, IME if she is very interested in the guy, she will call back

    calling her is an excellent and easy way to find out if she's interested or not

    many girls will give out their number for reasons other than interest in the guy

    dating is a game of incomplete information, much like poker. When you call her and leave a message and she doesn't call back, what have you learned about the strength of her hand (her interest in you)?

    if she calls back, she is investing her time and energy. but she can easily give her number without losing anything. and many girls will feel put on the spot when asked for the number, and will give it to avoid an uncomfortable situation (in short - you can't gauge her interest just by the fact she gave you her number)
     
  23. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    do you even want an uninterested woman to call back?

    what if she accepts the date, and doesn't show?

    or shows for the date because she likes free entertainment (yet another reason to go dutch)

    use the call to gauge her interest level in you, and act accordingly
     
  24. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,238
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    There is "highly interested" which is great, but there are several categories of lower interest that might still result in some positive results for yourself and your penis.
     
  25. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    absolutely.

    but shouldn't you give the more interested women preference over the less-interested ones?

    and we still haven't avoided the trap of being used by women who want free entertainment (unless we insist she pay her half on the date)

    also, the more she plays "hard to get," the more you are going to have to chase her. personally, that's not my bag. if you enjoy it, go for it
     

Share This Page