SRS Nervous break down

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BBQ Monster, Apr 20, 2005.

  1. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    When I thought my life was getting better it seems too just fall a part all over again....

    I am so freaking depressed right now. My roomate is moving out, but thats not what is bothering me. He says he is going to move out in May, but says he is not going to pay for Mays rent, due to him leaving. Thats the first problem, money... I don't have enough money to pay for his half let alone trying to put food on the table.

    It was his turn to buy groceries, and he bought none, so I basically have been starving these past few days due to him being a asswhole because he thinks it is more important to pay for his g/f's daughters cloths and her food then contribute to his obligations around the house, when the kid is not even his. I haven't ate much since Sunday. My mom and dad are trying to help me out, but there financial stability is some where between the lines of, "well what should we not pay this month"?

    Since this upcoming stress, I have done nothing but turn to the bottle. I have never drank so much in my life, and I am gradually becoming a more in depth alcoholic. I am trying to hide this from my friends, because I don't want them to start drinking again because of me. I have no money, the job I have is great, but pays pennies. My boyfriend is stress because he knows I am falling into alcohol because of these problems, and he has no money either. We basically live paycheck to paycheck, and our relationship is some what suffering because he thinks he is not supporting me well enough. I am so depressed, it I am scared about doing something rash when it comes to me drinking. I puked blood for the first time a few days ago, and I have realized I need help. I have money issues, I am becoming a worse alcoholic, and too top it all off, I have never felt this depressed before. Am I just over reacting? Or am I haviing a nervous break down?
     
  2. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Threaten your room mate with legal action. The roommate is putting their problem on you which is making already hard times worse. If they don't pay in full - small claims court. Get your money, never see them again.

    Drinking costs a lot and fucks things up worse. Stop. You are already having money problems, imagine alcohol problems potentiating all your problems. It will happen.

    Instead, lean on your boyfriend. He seems to care about you to bits. Talk in depth with him, tell him that you need his help and to be there for you because you are afraid of hitting the bottle again.

    Make no mistake, these are rough times and you are gonna have to ride them out. Bust your ass and think of the best ways to get through this time, eventually you will overcome.
     
  3. I had a break down today and nearly killed someone.
     
  4. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    sounds like you are having a fucked up time.

    i've been there. i've had break downs. wanna talk crazy? how about threatening somoene's life and getting put in lockup, luckily knowing the police officer which prevented a total destruction of my life.

    i almost had one about 2 weeks ago. I averted it, barely.

    now I'm in a crash again, abused my meds, feeling absoloutly shitty. i'm going to cancel my script to the certain med in the morning, shit of the fucking earth...

    what can you do but go in a mental institution or hospital? pretty much nothing. if you do break down, be smart enough to realise what is happening, go somewhere, get something to calm you down until you can deal with it rationally. sign in voluntarly, leave as your please.
     
  5. Pimpolo

    Pimpolo New Member

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    You're beyond needing help from friends at this point. You need to seek professional help as you've become physically and mentally unstable.

    Legal action against your roommate wouldnt do much good as he's not on the lease and has not signed any sort of agreement. But since you ARE on the lease, im puzzled as to why youre allowing him to go ahead and stay there considering he already said he wouldnt be paying mays rent.

    Stop the drama and seek help.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Throw away all the alcohol out of the house , that's one.

    Alcohol is only a symptom suppressor not a problem solver.

    A steady job is your first immediate consern. Beg some food of your boyfriend ,neigbours anything is legitamite.

    Ask a local newspaper if you can bring around news papers. Or goto your local job agency , and get a job as soon as possible.

    This is a wake-up call, that you should be self-reliant, and that you need to take care of your body. And your own paycheck. Stop wasting time, and invest it into getting back a grip on life. Get a GET UP N GO attitude, kick yourself in the butt to get a job. And if you already had one, get another one or work time over.
     
  7. Pimpolo

    Pimpolo New Member

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    She has a good full time job, but like she said it doesnt pay nearly enough to cover the soon to be added bills. She leads a pretty hectic life which brings a hefty load of drama w/ it, and its in her nature to help even when it might put her out. I've slowly watched her turn from a very cheerful, pleasant young lady into a depressed, stressed out, alcoholic.

    Like i've told you many times before heather, help is here all you have to do is ask. :hs:
     
  8. Minh Lam

    Minh Lam Active Member

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    iN the US do you guys get any financial assistance when you are down? In AUstralia you do. We have Charity and social Security which pays you while you look for work.

    All the best BBQ monster I hope u will be alright.
     
  9. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    prorate him on the days. so if he's there until the 20th, then charge him 20/31 of the rent.
     
  10. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    Well, I know he is moving out now. My alcohol problem, was not as bad as I thought. I can easily put the bottle down, as I did when I picked it up. I recently had an anxiety attack, due to my roomate and all his bullshit. But, he has decided to barley ever be here, which is good, and will be moving out next Friday, well he says, and he better. It took him a while to get approved for his apartment. I am still a happy, cheerful, person, but, to who I choose to be too. I know I needed help, I got aswesome friends, and I know now, that even if I ever hit rock bottom, there will always be someone there that cares. Thanks for all the help guys, I am slowly getting better, but my life is getting easier now, since my roomate is leaving. Thanks again.
     
  11. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Are you in Ukraine, or the US?
     
  12. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    even without a name on the lease, one months notice is required
     
  13. Pimpolo

    Pimpolo New Member

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    Its always easy to put down an empty bottle. Seek help.
     
  14. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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  15. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    he's got a good point, my buddy always said he could stop drinking whenever he wanted to... now he's up to a 26 a day (at least) and he can't NOT drink
     
  16. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    I know I am not an alcoholic. I don't crave it, and I really don't want it. I like being able to function sober. I mean, I use to always turn to the bottle when something was bothering me, but now I go to my friends and family, and they have showed me there are other alternatives instead of drinking.
     
  17. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Every time you post here, you waffle to the point that your threads seem pointless. Borderline anyone?

    Again: Are you in Odessa Ukraine, or like... Odessa New Hampshire?
     
  18. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    Odessa, TX
     
  19. Pimpolo

    Pimpolo New Member

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    Thank you for proving my point Peyomp. Her and i used to be friends. Shes relapsed several times and always comes back with "i quit drinking for good", "i dont need alcohol" etc etc... then the second the slightest downfall comes into play, shes drunk.

    Believe it or not, she tried to jump my case the other day for my response to this thread, saying "i dont want people thinking im an alcoholic, you had no right to post what you did."

    Now even though shes started other threads and mentioned MANY times how shes a self proclaimed alky, she found it necessary to get angry w/ me over my simple response. "Borderline" doesn't even begin to explain this. ADHD, Bipolar, manic depressant might scratch the surface.
     
  20. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    I have been sober for quite sometime now, this has never happened before. We use to be friends (pimpolo) but, I cut all my friends out of my life due to my stupidity. But, the true ones stood by me, even tho I did not want any help at the time. I know it all sounds like the same things over again, but it is not. Alcohol was not the problem. My problem was my roomate, which is soon to be gone. There is no alcohol in the house, and no one will buy it for me even if, and I should say IF I wanted it. All I know is I am feeling better. I thought I was going down an endless spiral of hell, but my friends that care, I mean care (pimpolo) always were here. They did not throw away a friendship because of some here say that was not true. I am happy, and I have finally been able to sleep. I actually got my first good nights sleep the other day. I am doing a lot better, yes there are still a few obsticals in my way, but I won't let them get me down anymore. Family and friends are what I needed to help me get sober, and my boyfriend has been nothing but supported. He has helped me the most. And believe me I am not bi-polar, a manic depressant, or anything of those sorts.
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2005
  21. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Symptom # 2 of Borderline Personality Disorder: Frequently and easily ends close friendships.

    Have you ever been evaluated by a psychologist? I'm no expert... but I'm wondering about you having BPD. You seem to have no clear sense of identity. Not that this is uncommon in young girls, but... it seems like a crisis for you. How old are you?

    Do you mind if I ask you about your early childhood? Your parents... still around? Married?
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2005
  22. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    I posted a while back about my childhood, nothing nice. And yes I have been through all the evaluation processes you are talking about. I was basically told that I will always feel this way because of what happened to me when I was younger. I am afraid to let people close. Counseling never helped, and the only thing to drive me to be a normal person was cars. And, I am 20 years old, I am not married, but am living with my boyfriend of 4 years soon to be five. My childhood was terrible in the most part, some happy memories some not. For the most part of that, I finally pushed most of that past away, because I don't like to think about it. I took counseling for my past, but nothing really helped me with it. And the counseling was such a long time ago.

    I did push most of my friends away mainly because they did not understand what was going on after I told them everything, they basically could not help, they even said if they knew what to tell me to make me feel better than they would. But, they started distancing first, then I pushed the ones away that showed me nothing but pain, I just wanted time from them because I needed time to sort things out for myself. When I was ready to talk after I decided on what to do, like I said the true ones were still there.

    I have kicked my roomate out, he will be leaving this Friday, which personally I am happy about that. And the funny thing is, I did not start drinking heavily until my roomate started to be immature and neglect his responsibilty. I mean in the past, I use to go from bottle to bottle, instead of friends and family. I realized that when someone cares about you, no matter how deep the whole is, they can always help you out. I took a test to find out if I was a alcoholic, and I had 2 out of the six you are suppose to have, in order to be consider an alcoholic. I don't think bad of myself, well I am easily offended and all, but some people are just like that. I have lived a hard life, and I am finally doing the right things, and now when I am no longer a alky as pimpolo wants to say I am being called one, and now, since I have seeked help I am being told I should get tested again, guys honestly I think I am doing great well better, I am smiling again, sleeping normal, and the black circles under my eyes are slowly fadin away.

    Like I said a few obsticals are still in my way, but I am getting over those slowly. I am taking baby steps. Thats all you can do, one foot at a time.
     
  23. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I think its time, as an adult, to go to a psychologist. You can't just "push away the past." The past rots inside your mind, if you don't deal with it.

    I am still thinking, Borderline, just from reading your posts... which is just a hack's opinion, but I mean it when I say you should consider seeing a psychologist. Not because you can't get by without one. And not because you're "crazy." But because I think your life would be significantly enhanced if you did.
     
  24. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    I don't like re-hashing the past, all it brings back is rape, abuse and just a lot of hate that I got to put behind me once they put the asswhole that did the things he did too me behind bars. I once felt safe and relief, yes he will get out eventually, but I was couping with that when he was trying to go back to trial, and frankly I did better on that then I thought. I drank some, but a friend decided to be there, and well helped me dump the bottle, and ever since then drinking has been more for fun with me and my 21 year old friends. I have known them since I was like 6, me and my brother grew up with them. And it is like maybe a once a month type thing.

    Plus, money is kinda tight right now... I would not have the money to go.
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2005
  25. You need to rehash it. Go now, get help now. Also, you're an alcoholic. Sorry.
     

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