Needin some advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by skittles92485, Nov 18, 2007.

  1. skittles92485

    skittles92485 New Member

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    Im sure this has been brought up numerous times, its just that I dont have a paid account yet and dont want to go forum digging manually to see. My wife and I have been married for about two and a half years now. We have a daughter who just turned a year old. Before me and my wife got married, we used to have sex all the time. Atleast like 5 times a week. Once we got married, it kept up for a while. She would wake me up for sex late at night, things were good. Then for some reason, all of a sudden it just dropped. Down to like 1 time a month, if that. Then she was pregnant with our daugther and after she had her, it has still been like once a month if that at all. And even then it normally turns into me rubbing it out myself witih her next to me with her vibrator. No touching, nothing, because since we dont do it as often, her body isnt as able to accept me as it was before so it always takes some time getting into it. No foreplay its always put the rubber on and finish. She wont let me do anything to her foreplay wise nor wills he do anything to me. I found out in march that i was going to korea for a year and i just recently got to korea. In the 7 months between then and now, we had sex maybe 5 times. When i will be gone for a year. Ive talked to her about it and she says that is not comfortable with how her body looks after she had the baby so ive tried to do things to make her feel sexy about herself and I always compliment her. I try to set up a romantic night for us after the baby goes to bed and she is never into it. She always tells me she is tired from having to take care of the baby during the day while im at work and i tell her that i work all day to and we still need to make time for us time and it ends up turning into a fight. I feel like she thinks that I just want sex for sex and that is not the case at all. I feel that sex is an important part of a good relationship. I need that intimate contact. Ive explained all this to her and it never gets through.

    Sorry for the long post, it has just been bothering me.
    Short version : Wife and I used to sex it up all the time, now not at all
    Any advice?
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    This is why (if I get married) I will not have kids or not have kids for many years.

    You guys might want to seek counseling. She needs to do something for herself to help her body image (i.e. workout, diet, eat better, etc.). A baby is exhausting. My sister couldn't wait to get married and have kids. She got pregnant within 6 months of her and my brother-in-law getting married. They had sex (she told me) maybe a handful of times during her pregnancy and after the child they never had time for it and my sister was disgusted with her post-baby body. But go figure she was excited to have another kid and she got pregnant 8 months later. The youngest is almost 1 now and she tells me they have sex maybe once a week but she no longer enjoys it because she's always so exhausted from raising the kids and also because of how she feels about herself.
     
  3. danewreed

    danewreed OT Supporter

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    sometimes there is nothing you can do. even in dating chicks i've noticed the frequency of sex tend to slide as the relationship goes on even after spicing things up behind the bedroom door....
     
  4. Expat Onlooker

    Expat Onlooker New Member

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    Maybe going to Korea will be good for you. I don't know about your moral beliefs, but time away from her will give you the opportunity to assess your relationship with her. Who knows? Maybe you'll find a cute Korean girl close to where you're based and you'll disciver what you've really been missing.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Oi vey.
     
  6. skittles92485

    skittles92485 New Member

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    I was thinking about counseling maybe. I do love her with all my heart and aside from this there is no other problems. I feel bad bringing it up just because it seems like it should be just a little trivial problem but it really just eats me up. Im not in the best of shape myself and I always worry that maybe it is me and not her that is the problem, but she would never tell me if that were the case. The handful of times we have had sex, I always feel bad because I feel that she is doing it just to satiate me. It makes it alot harder for me to get into it then because if she doesnt want to do it then why are we? I want her to be into it, I want her to be turned on and initiate sex like she used to. I feel that another issue may be the fact that we dont ever set aside time for ourselves to be together. With the baby it is hard for me and her to just sit together and even watch tv. There is so little time in the day that when the baby takes a nap, we get to doing things that need to be done. I think that the year in Korea will be a good opportunity for me to get back into shape and have a nice body when I get home and I think the time apart will be a good time for both of us to be greatful for the time we do have together.
    Mainly I just needed to get this off my chest and get some advice I guess. I end up feeling alot of guilt over these feelings because it makes me feel like typical everyman "Im not getting enough sex rawr rawr" when it really is so much more than that.

    I really appreciate the advice and the ears.
     
  7. skittles92485

    skittles92485 New Member

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    :werd:

    Im very faithful and that isnt even a consideration lol
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    My sister has even admitted to not being into the sex either, it hurts to hear that just because it isn't a small issue, you know? And you just confirmed why having a kid is hard, you NEED to make time for yourselves. Like I mentioned before, my sister has two kids under 3. Her life revolves around them. I don't know the last time her and my brother-in-law had a night out together. In fact, most of their "night outs" include him taking care of the boys while she see's a movie alone to de-stress. Or him going to a bar with his brother while she watches them as usual one night. It takes a lot of compromise and help. How old is your kid BTW?

    I honestly feel terrible for your wife. I mean it's nice that you are trying to think positive about going to Korea for a year...but fuck man, I hate to say it but she's most likely going to be absolutely miserable. Not only is she taking care of the kid all day now, but soon she'll literally be ALL ALONE taking care of the kid while she has no idea how you are doing a lot of times.

    Honestly I hope you guys make it, but it's going to take a lot of work from both of you. You need to work on yourselves if you can and work on making more time for each other.
     
  9. skittles92485

    skittles92485 New Member

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    We do end up having to time to ourselves individually, just not together because we dont have anyone trustworthy to watch our daughter (she turned a year old on oct 25, the day before I went to korea) She wont be by herself at all the year I am gone, she is staying with her parents so she is getting sometime to unwind and have some good destress time. With the power of the internet i get to talk to her for alteast and hour every day and here soon we will have webcams set up. I will get to go home for a month half way through the year and we are definitly going to have some us time and leave our daughter with her parents for a day or two. One of the biggest stressors I have about being over here is that, like I said, in my head, I am afraid that it is because of how I look and a year is along time for me to be away from her. When my dad was here back in the early 90's, my mom ended up cheating on him and that lead to their divorce. I know this happens to alot of military guys while they are gone for a long time. Heck a week is a long time to be away from a loved one, let alone a year. To not be around someone for so long that youve spent every day with is really tough. I really do appreciate your advice beer.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Ahh, ok. Thank you for painting a better picture of your guys' situation. I still really hope things work out. Like you said, I'd suggest keeping communication open with her while you are gone and also work on your physical shape. If not for asthetics for the wifey then for you health :)
     
  11. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    good for you :bigthumb:
     
  12. fray

    fray New Member

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    The situation changes now that you will be gone for so long, but just in general it sounds like you guys could use some alone time without the baby, instead of just after the baby has gone to bed. A night out without the pressure of sex, but just enjoying each other and seeing where it leads would be nice. Maybe when you visit and the parents have the baby for a few days.
     

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